“我遇见了木兰的家乡”

文/Aline Toffoli Martins（巴西） 译/张佳艺

中国，每当这个地方闯入我脑海之时，都引得我思绪万千。自我痴迷于中国文化后，在我这个西方人眼里，中国便时而充满异域风情，时而和善亲切。这种痴迷到底起源于什么时候呢？印象太模糊了。但我的父母曾多次告诉我，或许我与中国有前世之缘。坦白讲，我不确定自己该不该相信，但无论如何，我喜欢沉浸在到访过中国的想象中，享受着一些莫名让我舒适的感受。当人们问我为什么如此喜欢中国时，我总是回答是自小学习功夫的缘故。这样回答更容易些，而且显然这两种乐事有一定联结。不过，我相信学习功夫其实并非主要原因。有时我会静心思考其中缘由，意识到我早已在开始接触武术之前便对中国文化深深痴迷了。

第一次和母亲去东方文化博物馆时，我年龄尚小，大概六七岁的样子。我记得那里展出的画作、书法作品、服饰和花卉等都十分美丽。不知怎的，我很高兴自己能够置身其中。除此之外，另一件给我留下和中国相关的特别记忆的是去电影院看了花木兰的电影。和还是孩子们的表亲一起去电影院很开心，可另外让我欣喜的是花木兰这一角色的特别。木兰是一个无视时代社会规则，只身替父从军征战的爱父之女。我想象不出她必须面对多少恐惧和孤独。她在生死存亡的关头，生命无法得到保障，甚至还冒着让全家蒙羞的风险。尽管如此，她仍然守护着自己的一腔孤勇。最终，她被全国人民视为英雄。影片中有一个镜头让我至今感慨不已，那就是包括皇帝在内的所有人都在向木兰鞠躬，感谢她拯救了整个国家。当时当下，我深受感染。从那天起，我决定要成为木兰一样坚毅、勇敢的人。后来，我发现这部动画电影源于一个真实故事。于是，我越发为了不起的木兰所鼓舞，甚至对中国的好奇程度也越来越强烈了。

在此，我要理清向中国思想靠拢的原因。山海相隔，不仅是地理位置遥远，思维方式也相距甚远。我听过一种说法：从西方视角来看，中国是人类经验的另一极。尽管除中国以外还有一些拥有古老文明甚至更古老文明的国家，如美索不达米亚、印加帝国等地区，可它们如今已经灭亡了。中国是唯一一种古文明存续至今的国家。正因如此，它才能呈现出一种全然的反差，一种在生于地图之西的我们的眼里极具他异性的反差。

作者在湖北武当山练习武术（2018年10月）

如果不先谈谈我与功夫的关系，我想我的中国故事便无法继续讲下去。毕竟，正是通过武术，我才与中国文化建立起了牢固的关系。11岁时，朋友告诉我他们已经开始在我家附近的教堂大厅里练习功夫。有一天，我和母亲都在车里，我告诉她我想练习功夫。她勃然大怒，说功夫是“男孩的事”，所以我不能接触这项活动。我连连争取了好几天，直到她说服了自己，同意让父亲陪我去上课，妄想我看到功夫困难又暴力后会打消念头。然而，事与愿违，在初次接触功夫以后，我坚信它就是我愿穷极一生走下去的路。这也是直至今天我一直在坚持的事。

在巴西教授功夫时，我对几个学生视如己出，正如我的师父待我那样，传授功夫技巧，也教会我生活。可以说，我对生活的理解多和功夫相关，也因此和中国文化相关。在巴西，功夫的练习是以我们熟悉的传统方式进行的，即需要对中国习俗与中国传统文化有深刻的理解。虽然我们的师祖是中国人，但我和同门对于武术历史以及中国历史的了解除了源自师父的口授以外，更多的则来自我们所观看的李小龙和成龙的功夫电影。我们对这个国度充满了幻想。正因如此，我决定学习汉语。我坚信，如果我掌握了汉语，那我不仅可以阅读更多关于中国的书、了解更多关于中国的文化，还能去追本溯源，探究更多关于武术的历史。

开始学习汉语给我带来了很多机会。2015年，我的中国之行梦想成真了。但那时，我反倒有种奇怪的感受。虽然我终于抵达了从小就梦想要去的地方、到了自以为很了解的地方，可当时我仍觉得自己置身在一个异于脑海中它的模样的地方。那些穿着中间缝有丝绸盘扣、衣料印有花纹或金龙的旧制服饰的中国人在哪里？那些黄包车和茶馆在哪里？那些山川河流在哪里？那些生活在北京旧式建筑中吹笛的人在哪里？而于我更重要的是，功夫在哪里？

那一年，我来到武汉。当时我并不知道这是中国发展迅猛的城市之一。我从未想过我会在木兰的家乡找到那么多比圣保罗建筑还要高的建筑，也从未想过我会在地球的另一边发现那么多车辆、那么多鸣笛声、那么多生活方式与我们相似的人。沮丧与兴奋交加。起初，我为找不到自己所追求的东西而感到沮丧，但后来，每当我对中国文化的了解多一些，我对中国的痴迷和好奇也随之增加一些。毕竟，中国有许多特别的地方有待发现。不过我的第一次中国之行只是初步了解中国。回到巴西后，我决定再次来到中国，揭开这片神秘土地的面纱。我想，第一次中国之行将会开启未来很多次逐渐展开的旅行。

我的第二次中国之行是在经历一种由每日困顿带来的情感冲突的时候出现的，这些困难让我不安又悲伤。于是，我决定带着沉重的心情，背好行囊，来到中国，在学习汉语的明确目标之外来寻求一点内心的平静。旅程起初是为期一年的学校交流，在经历一些波折后，它缩短为半年。后来它又回归到最初计划的那样——在我童年梦想的遥远土地上生活一年。在这段旅程中，我经历着很多挑战。为了在这里生活得更久，我要自己付学费，也要自己赚生活费。这绝非易事。但我知道这是次难得的机会，让我可以实施一个可以称之为人生计划的项目。这个人生计划是什么呢？其实就是去理解一种文化。对我来说，这种文化满是我自小积累起来的幻想，与来自西方传统的长于批判的现实冲击相融合。

在过去六个月里，武汉是我的第二故乡。我就读于湖北大学，它所在的武昌区有很多大学和博物馆，还有一处最闻名的城市明信片式地标——黄鹤楼。黄鹤楼建于公元223年，唐代诗人崔颢曾为它精心作诗。当时，黄鹤楼是这座城市的最高点，激发了诗人、书法家等艺术家的创作灵感。不难想象，他们为什么会在这里迸发灵感。即使在今天，我们也能在这里感受到春花初绽的淡雅清新，沉醉于空气中四处弥漫着的甜甜桂花香气。我们还能听到灰色喜鹊的啁啾鸣啭，就算在潮湿的冬天，喜鹊们也能在嘈杂的城市中恣意穿梭、努力生存。这里还有湖泊河流，还有和着四处乐声翩翩起舞的大朵莲花。正如武汉赋予唐代诗人以灵感一样，武汉也鼓舞着我在追逐梦想的路上一往无前。

除了旖旎的自然风光外，武汉深厚的历史底蕴也深深打动着我。在中国古代，武汉地处战国时期的著名诸侯国楚国境内，历史长达3500多年！当你站在前文提及的黄鹤楼或东湖公园雄伟的磨山山顶上俯视这座城市时，你怎么也想象不到，在这个地球上，在几个世纪后我所踏足的这片土地上，发生过多少场战争，又上演过多少场功夫的较量呢？当我走在武汉的美景中，为了像古代诗人那样鼓舞己心，我常常会想象武汉如今的美景在以前会是什么样子。但历史不仅只存在于遥远的过去。著名的武昌起义打响了辛亥革命的第一枪，推翻了漫长的清王朝封建统治，中国迎来了共和。因此，这座城市具有重要的历史意义。中国人不仅在博物馆内纪念这段历史，更是将对历史的保护融入日常生活中。印有黑字的横幅装点着这座城市，让人时刻铭记共产党强有力的存在。沿着武汉街道缓缓前行时，我一直在思索：这座城市曾见证了多少历史和战争啊！

可汉语学习呢？如宣传语“武汉，每天不一样”所言，有段时间，我觉得我的汉语水平也日新月异。可其他时候，我似乎还有很多东西要学。这并不奇怪。对于西方人来说，汉语是一门很难学的语言。我们的语言系统并不存在声调，而声调在汉语中却举足轻重。我敢说这是生存问题。很多个夜里，我全力以赴地专心学业，彻夜未眠。在试错和理解之间，在与那些能像中国人一样讲出中国历史的人的接触中，我对中国产生了更多的了解。在我带着这么优秀的中国故事回到巴西之前，我又在这里学习、生活了五个月。

这是迄今为止我的中国故事，字里行间记录着一个来华者的经历。最初她的目标是学习汉语，并与这个充斥着矛盾的世界碰撞与交锋。可做一个外国人从来不是一件容易的事，在如此遥远的土地上学习、生活更是如此。现在，我将给我未完成的中国故事这样结尾：是的！我遇见了木兰的家乡！谁能想到，它就在湖北呢！我还去了武当山和少林寺，这两个曾经只存在于我想象中的地方。在汉语中，“中国”的字面意思是中庸之国。神奇的是，老子很久以前就提出“天法道”的理念，人大可以追求“无为”。在我看来，这就是中国人在和平与混乱的交织中所追寻的平衡。由此可知，中国是一个在极致和谐与井然秩序的平衡中生出自由之花的地方。世上会有更好的地方可以寻求到内心的平静吗？我想，没有。

China.So many things come to my mind when I think of this place, sometimes so exotic to Western eyes, sometimes so close,since I have a special fascination for Chinese culture.I don’t exactly remember when that admiration started but my parents have told me several times that it may have some relationship with past lives.I confess that I am not sure if I believe in it or not, but I like the idea of imagining that somehow, I’ve already been to China,sharing a lot of sensations that for some reason make me feel comfortable.Anyway, when people ask me why I like China so much, I always say that the reason for that is because I’ve been doing Kung Fu since I was a child.I think it’s easier to answer that way, and obviously these two pleasures maintain a relationship, however, I believe that’s not the main reason.Sometimes, when I myself stop to think, I realize I’ve already felt fascinated by this culture before I even started the martial arts way of life.

The first time I went on an Oriental culture museum with my mother I was still very young, I should be about six or seven years old, and I remember to think that all the paintings, calligraphies,clothes and flowers there exposed were very beautiful.For some reason I felt happy to be there.Besides that, I also carry with me another very special memory that is related to this country, which is to have gone to the cinema to watch Mulan’s film.Besides the happiness of going to the cinema accompanied only by my cousins, all of them still children, I was also delighted with that character so special, a woman who for love to her father pretends to be a soldier and, contrary to all social rules of her time, went fighting in the war.I can’t imagine how much fear she had to face and how alone she must have felt, after all, her life was at stake and she was not only risking losing her own life but was also risking to dishonor all her family.But she resisted bravely, and in the end, she was considered a heroine.In the film there was a scene that even today thrills me out, which is when all the Chinese people, including the Emperor, bow in great respect to Mulan and thank her for saving all China.At that time, she inspired me a lot and since that day I decided to be as strong and courageous as Mulan was.Later,I found out that this cartoon story was a real story of a real woman and I was even more inspired by this remarkable person and even more curious about China.

But here I am, rationalizing the reasons why I approach Chinese thinking.Not just geographically far away, but also distant from our way of thinking.I have once heard that from the point of view of the West, China is simply the other pole of human experience and although there have been existed other civilizations so ancient in human history as China or even older than it, such as Mesopotamia, Inca Empire, and others, all these people no longer exist.In this way, China is the only ancient civilization existing until today and for this reason, it can present such a total contrast, represent such a complete alterity to our eyes born in the West of the map.

I feel that there is no way to continue my Chinese history without first speaking a little bit about my relationship with Kung Fu, after all, it was through this martial art that I established strong ties with Chinese culture.When I was 11 years old, my friends told me that they had begun practicing Kung Fu in a church hall very close to my house.One day, when I was in the car with my mom, I told her I wanted to do Kung Fu.She got mad, said that Kung Fu was a “boy thing” and that, therefore, I could not practice this activity.I insisted for days until she convinced herself to let me go with my father to attend a class, with the vain hope of making me give up the idea by seeing that Kung Fu was very difficult and violent, in my mother’s idea.But contrary to my mom wishes, after checking it for the first time, I was sure that Kung Fu was the path I wanted to tread my whole life.And that’s what I’ve been doing so far.

When I am a teacher of Kung Fu in Brazil, I have several students that I consider part of my family, just as I have a special consideration by my Master for everything that he teaches me,not just about fighting techniques, but also about life.So I can say that much of what I know about life is somehow related to Kung Fu and, therefore, to Chinese culture.In Brazil, the practice of Kung Fu is accomplished in a way that we know as traditional, that is, a practice that requires profound understanding of Chinese customs and traditional Chinese culture.But although our Grandmaster was Chinese, much of what I and my brothers and sisters of Kung Fu knew about the history of our martial art and also about the history of China was what we saw in the famous Kung Fu movies of Bruce Lee and Jackie Chan, in addition to the legends our master used to tell us.So,the idea we had of China was still too full of fantasies.And it was for this reason that I decided to study the Chinese language, after all, I believed that if I knew how to speak Chinese,I could not only read more books and learn more about China,but also could go to the source and research more about the history of this martial art.

Starting to study Chinese brought me great opportunities and in 2015 my great dream of traveling to China came true, but at that moment, I had a strange feeling.Although I was in the place I wanted to be since I was a child, although I was in the place where I presumptively thought I knew so much, even so for some reason I was feeling like I was in a place very different from my idea.Where were all those Chinese dressed in the old way, with those clothes with silk buttons pinned in the middle of a coat that could be stamped with flowers or Golden Dragons.Where were all the rickshaw and the tea houses? Where were all the mountains and rivers and all those people playing flutes living in those small community huts in the Beijing old style of construction? And more important for me, where was Kung Fu?

That year, I came to the city of Wuhan and I hardly knew that this was one of the cities that most developed year after year in China.I would never imagine that I would find, in Mulan’s homeland, so many buildings, all very tall, even taller than the buildings of Sao Paulo.I would never imagine finding so many cars, so many horns, so many people in a lifestyle so similar to ours on the other side of the planet! At that time my sensation brought me a mixture of excitement and disappointment.At first, I felt a little disappointed that I did not could find what I was looking for, but then, every time we understand more about Chinese culture, my enchantment and my curiosity increased.After all, China had, in fact, many particularities to be uncovered.But my first trip to China was just an introduction and returning to Brazil, I decided I needed to go back to China and uncover the mysteries of that enigmatic land.I decided that the first trip would be just the first one of many other yet to come.

My second trip to China is a journey that arose at a time when I was experiencing emotional conflicts brought on by day-to-day difficulties that were making me restless and sad about myself.For that reason, I decided to take my bags and my heavy heart and come to China try to find a little bit of inner peace, beyond the clear goal of studying Chinese.The current journey is a school exchange which, at first, would be a one-year trip, but that after long stumps and difficulties became a six-month exchange and now returns to the initial proposal to live in China,so dreamed distant land of my childhood, for a year.I am risking a lot in this endeavor, because to stay here longer I assumed to finance the studies and the cost of life by myself.It won’t be easy, but I understand that’s an essential opportunity for me to carry out a project, that I can call as a life project.What does this life project consist of? Consists in understanding a culture that for me is still so loaded with enchantments built since childhood, merged with a shock of reality taken from the constant exercise of criticality, my Western heritage.

Wuhan has been my hometown in the last six months.I am studying at Hubei University, in Wuchang district, a region where there are also other colleges, museums and one of the most famous postcards of the city, called as Yellow Crane Tower, built in 223 AD and deeply portrayed by Cui Hao poetry,during the Tang dynasty.At that time, the tower was the highest point of the city and many artists, among them poets and calligraphers, felt inspired to create their works there.It is not difficult to imagine why they felt inspired there, after all, even today, we can feel the freshness of the flowers that are open in spring, and realize that the sweetness of osmanthus is everywhere; The chirping of Gray Magpies, even in wet winters,they fly back and forth in the chaos of big cities, completing the daunting task of survival; and there are also the rivers and lakes and along with them the giant lotus flowers that dance with the sound of music that comes from everywhere.And just as Wuhan inspired the poets of the Tang dynasty, it has also inspired me to go after my goals.

Besides all the natural beauty of Wuhan, another aspect that also inspires me is the fact that the city has a very rich history.In ancient China, Wuhan was a city with important historical significance and a cultural cradle in southern China, located in the famous state of Chu, one of the fighting countries in the Warring States period, with more than 3,500 years of history! How could you not imagine, as you saw the city from above, in the top of the already mentioned Yellow Crane Tower or, then, from the top of the imposing Mo Shan mountain, located in Donghu Park, how many battlesand how much Kung Fu-have happened on this earth, on this ground that I am centuries later stepping on.Often, when I walk in these places to inspire myself, just as the ancient poets did, I wonder what the landscape of Wuhan was like so long ago.But history is not only in the distant past, after all, the well-known Wuchang Uprising the first shot of 1911 Revolution, which made the long dynastic period end and introduced the Republic.Thus, the city has an important historical significance that the Chinese people make a point of preserving not only within the museums, but also, in the everyday life, reflected by the various large red bands with black characters that decorate the city from end to end and also remind everyone of the still strong presence of the Communist Party in their daily lives.How much history and how much fighting this land has seen, this is what I’ve been thinking when I walk down the streets of this impressive city.

But what about the Chinese language learning? Like the well-known motto“Wuhan, different every day”, there are days that I feel like my Chinese is better, but in other days, it seems like I still have a lot to learn.It’s not a surprise, coming from such a difficult language for us from the West as is Mandarin.We don’t have a tonal language, but here the tone makes all the difference, a matter of survival I dare to say.In any case, between errors and hits,after many days awake until dawn to be able to deliver the lessons in time and a lot of dedication, I feel that I am increasingly close to understanding a little more about China from the contact with those who can tell its history as anyone else: the Chinese people themselves.And so, I follow studying and staying here for another five months, when I return to Brazil with so many good Chinese stories to tell.

This is my Chinese story so far.Every word recorded here is inhabited by the experiences of someone who came to China with the first goal of learning to speak Chinese-but who never hid that brought with herself ulterior motives and endless intentions-and came across a world of contradictions, after all,being a foreigner was never an easy task, even more in a land so far away.And now I conclude my unfinished Chinese story by saying that: Yes! I met Mulan’s homeland! Right here in Hubei, who would have ever imagined!Also met Wudang and Shaolin Temple, two places that were once only in my imagination.China, in Mandarin, literally means “middle nation”.Curiously, Laozi so long ago said that in the pursuit of the path of life, which he called asDao, it is preferable to remain in the middle and it seems to me that this is what the Chinese people look for, what expresses to me what is this chaotic and at the same time so organized place.Following this thought,China seems to me to be a place where freedom can be found in the perfect harmony and in the order of things.Will there be a better place to find inner peace? I believe not…