一大袋的帮助

浙江 胡君祥

蒂莫西准备秘密送给一位同学的一袋子衣服和鞋子被老师发现了，在老师的盘问下他说出了事情的原委。细心的老师接下来会做什么呢？

题材 体裁学校生活 记叙文 336 ★★★文章词数 难度建议用时5分钟

On walking into her third-grade classroom in the morning,Mrs White noticed the bag in the corner by her desk.It was thick plastic,making it impossible to tell what was inside.She picked it up and asked,“Who does this belong to?”

There was no answer.Opening it up,Mrs White rooted around and saw a blue and red shirt,some shorts,and what looked like some tennis shoes.Unaware of whose bag it was,she asked again,but nobody volunteered.She scanned the faces of the students.They all looked lost until she met Timothy.Looking up,he glanced at her and shook his head a little—side to side—just enough to make her stop digging into the bag.She sensed he was responsible for the bag.Mrs White also noticed that if she exposed what was in the bag,she would embarrass him.

At the end of the morning,Mrs White took him aside. “Timothy,are those your clothes?Are you going to a party after school?What's going on?”Timothy said the clothes were for a boy from another class called Tim,a boy he saw every day.He was concerned that Tim wore the same two clothes and the same pair of shoes every week.He said he'd noticed that the clothes didn't always fit,and since they had been worn by two older brothers before being passed down to Tim,they were worn out.Also,the shoes were sometimes smelly.

Mrs White was curious because most kids are just worried about themselves.They don't often reach out to others like this.Later,when she asked Timothy why he had done it,he looked her in the eyes saying,“He's a poor boy.I just wanted to be nice.”

Mrs White asked him if his parents knew about it.There was no way she wanted one of the students to give away his clothes without his parents'permission,but Timothy promised his mother had agreed.

Useful sentence patterns

1.On walking into her third-grade classroom in the morning,Mrs White noticed the bag in the corner by her desk.

分析：On walking...为“on+doing”的结构，意为“一……就……”。

2.There was no way she wanted one of the students to give away his clothes without his parents'permission.

分析：本句为“There was no way+同位语从句”的结构，意为“某人不可能……”。

阅读上面的文章，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。

注意：

1.所续写短文的词数应为150左右；

2.续写部分分为两段，每段的开头语已为你写好。

Paragraph 1:

That afternoon,Mrs White took him aside again.

Paragraph 2:

That evening Mrs White telephoned Timothy's mother.

写作导引

一、语篇研读

读后续写要求续写的部分在情节和逻辑方面与原文高度契合。为此，我们必须在掌握文本大意和叙述意图的前提下，分析所给文章的情境模式。

分析记叙文的情境模式，就需要关注5个“W”，即who、what、when、where和why。我们在阅读时要把握故事的情节线，分析故事的起因、开始、发展，并归纳出故事的主要矛盾，根据文章中已知的信息，如情感的线索、行为的线索、时间的线索、空间的线索等来推断将要发生的事情，合理构思续写部分的情节。

Basic elements分析：所给短文的情境模式发展：续写短文的情境模式说明：如此构思的理由Who Mrs White,Timothy,Tim,Timothy'smother Mrs White,Timothy,Tim,Timothy's mother What Timothy was going to secretly give a bag of clothes and shoes toa poor schoolmate,but the teacher found it.He told the truth under the teacher's crossexamination.The careful teacher continued tofollow up this.When the teacher asked again,Timothy had already given a bag of clothes and shoes to the poor student.That evening,the teacher told Timothy'smother over the phone that Timothy had sent clothes and shoes to his schoolmate. The mother's reaction was muted.Timothy befriended the poor schoolmate.Teachers are all full of responsi-bility to students.Parents shape their children.

（续表）

二、情节构思

基于原文本和续写段落首句提供的信息，采用围绕中心提问相关问题的方法，构思要续写的故事情节，一般分为四步。

第一步，根据已给出的文本判断文章的立意。

文章给出的部分主要讲述了蒂莫西准备秘密送给一位贫穷同学的一袋子衣服和鞋子被老师发现了，在老师的盘问下他说出了事情的原委，这位细心的老师继续跟进此事。由此，结合文章标题“一大袋的帮助”可推断出本文的立意是“助人为乐”。

第二步，根据续写第二段所给出的段首句倒推续写第一段应包括什么内容。

根据第二段的段首句“那天晚上，老师给蒂莫西的母亲打电话”可知，续写第一段要写蒂莫西将衣服和鞋子送给了那位贫穷的同学，这样才能确保续写的两段是相衔接的。

第三步，围绕续写第一段所给出的段首句以及上面的分析进行提问构思：

（1）Why did Mrs White take Timothy aside again that afternoon?

（2）What did Mrs White ask Timothy when she took him aside?

（3）How did Timothy answer Mrs White's question?

第四步，围绕续写第二段所给出的段首句进行提问构思：

（1）Why did Mrs White call Timothy's mother that night?

（2）What did Mrs White tell Timothy's mother when she telephoned her?

（3）How did Timothy's mother react to what the teacher told her?

三、润色成篇

在续写的过程中要注意情节连贯，各部分内容相衔接，即：1.两段的续写与所给短文的衔接；2.每段的续写与续写段首句之间的衔接；3.续写的两段之间的衔接。同时要注意语言风格的一致和语法、句型以及所用词的准确性。比如，刻画人物形象时运用恰当的形容词使其栩栩如生；描写人物心理活动时使用一些动词或副词使其细微深入。