天蓝色的彼岸

《天藍色的彼岸》是英国著名畅销小说家、编剧亚历克斯·希勒（Alex Shearer）的著作，是一本温暖、感人、引人深思的小说，讲述了一个与死亡、生命和爱有关的故事。小说的主人公男孩哈利在骑单车时因被一辆卡车撞倒而丧生，他死后发现自己来到了一个叫“停留之地”（The Other Land）的地方，渐渐地，他发现所有心有牵挂的鬼魂都徘徊在这个地方，只有了无牵挂的鬼魂才能进入“天蓝色的彼岸”（The Great Blue Yonder），然后他认识了男孩亚瑟，亚瑟带着他偷偷溜回人间，哈利有了重新审视过去，完成心中未了之事，与朋友、家人一一告别的机会。

哈利是幸运的，在死后不久就解开了心结，而更多的鬼魂却只能一直在“停留之地”和人间中徘徊寻觅，比如亚瑟，已经找了他素未谋面的母亲几百年（幸而最后终于找到）;比如斯丹，一直守在电灯柱旁等他的狗，一等就是五十年;比如尤格，石器时代的原始人，只会发出“Ug”的声音，没“人”知道他在找什么。读着他们的故事，总不免让人伤感，但也启发我们重新审视自己的生活。生活充满变数，你永远不知道明天会发生什么，珍惜当下，把握人生，勿留遗憾。

She was working on some history essay. Her books were open on the vanity unit， and she had an A4 pad there and some pencils at the ready for taking notes.

As I watched she sat back down on her chair， and she took up her history book. But much as she tried to read it， and much as she tried to concentrate， her eyes kept glancing up at those old photographs. There were photographs of me on my own and photographs of the two of us together. There was also a photo of when Eggy was small and when I was only a baby—maybe Id even just been born. And she was holding me， with Dads help， while Mum looked on， rather nervously， as if worried that Eggy might drop me on my head. （And maybe she even wanted to drop me on my head， just a bit.） Then there were later photos of her and me， both of us getting bigger and older. And she was always three years ahead of me， always my big sister， and I was always her pesky little brother， driving her nuts and getting on her nerves.

There were photographs of all of us too， of me and Eggy and Mum and Dad， all standing there together， smiling at the new camera with the automatic timer.

There I was. And there we were. And nothing would ever bring us back or make us whole again. I felt so sad again—but I wouldnt give in to it. I was on a mission， like they say， and I had to see it through. I had to settle the unfinished business. I had to forgive and be forgiven. I couldnt let Eggy go through the rest of her life remembering those last words shed ever said to me， just before I stormed out to get run over by a truck.

“Youll be sorry one day when Im dead！” Id said to her.

“No， I wont be！” shed shouted after me. “Ill be glad！”

And then Id never come back.

“Eggy，” I said. “Eggy， its Harry. Im here， right by you. Right here. But dont be afraid. Its OK， Eggy， Im a ghost now， thats all. But its OK， its nothing to be frightened of. Im not going to haunt you for ever. I just came back to work things out with you， to say Im sorry. Can you hear me， Eggy？ Do you know Im here？” But she looked back down at her history book， reached out and turned a page over， and she didnt know that I was standing right behind her， so close that I could reach out and touch her.

“Im touching your shoulder， Eggy. Can you feel my hand？ Can you？ Its me， Harry. Dont be afraid. Im just touching your shoulder， thats all.”

But she went on reading the history book， and then paused， and took up one of the pencils， and made a few notes about Henry the Eighth and all the wives he once had and why he had them.

“Eggy—its me.”

“Eggy …”

Nothing.

She looked up from her book， daydreaming maybe， like you do in the middle of your homework. Her eyes fell on the photo of her and me at my fourth birthday party. Me getting ready to blow out all the candles. Her getting ready to help me in case I ran out of air.

“Oh， Harry，” she said. “Oh， Harry.”

And she reached out and touched the photo， just like it was flesh and blood and not just paper and chemicals.

I saw the pencil lying on the desk. I remembered the leaf on the tree， Jellys biro， and Arthur with the fruit machine. I could do it. I knew I could. I had to. I focused my thoughts on the pencil， all of them， every part of me. I tried to shine my thoughts upon it as if they were the beam of a torch.

“Please，” I thought， “please， please， please …”

And then I did it. It moved. The pencil moved. I moved it up on to its point， and it balanced there in the air， just as if some ghostly hand was around it， which—in a sense—it was.

“My god！” Eggy gasped， and she pushed her chair back. I wanted to think at her， “Dont worry， Eggy， dont be afraid，” but I had no thoughts to spare. Everything of me was concentrating on that pencil， on holding it upright in the air， and then on making it move towards the paper of the A4 pad.

Eggy remained in her chair， frightened and， yet not frightened; just waiting， waiting to see. She had her hands on the edge of the desk， and was leaning back in her chair， almost as if she was trying to push the desk away.

But she didnt scream， she didnt run， she didnt shout for Mum and Dad， she just sat there， stiffly watching as the pencil began to move towards the paper. And as it did， she said，“Harry？ Harry？ Is it you？”

I moved the pencil to the paper， and I made it write the word， Yes.

She didnt turn. She kept her eyes fixed on the pencil and the writing pad.

“Harry，” she said. “Im so sorry， Harry， Im so sorry for what I said to you. Ive thought about it ever since， every second of every day. Id do anything to undo it， Harry. I wish I could turn the clock back. Im so sorry， Harry， I am.”

And I made the pencil write， I know. Im sorry too， Eggy.

The writing was like my writing had been when I was alive， only it was very faint and spidery. I didnt have the mental strength somehow to put much pressure on the pencil. Just making the pencil write and keeping it in the air was taking all the strength I had， and I didnt know if I could hold it there for much longer. I already felt exhausted， as if there wasnt much of me left.

I thought at the pencil， as hard as I ever could. And， you know， making that pencil move across the paper was the most difficult thing Id done in my entire—well， life.

Forgive me， Eggy， I wrote. Please. For what I said.

For a moment， she didnt say anything， she just sat， staring at the words on the paper， but then she swallowed hard and she said， “Of course I forgive you， Harry. Of course I do. Forgive me too， wont you， Harry. You know I didnt mean it， dont you？ I was angry. I said a stupid thing. Forgive me，Harry. I love you.”

My strength was all but gone. I tried to force the pencil over the paper， to make it write down what I wanted to say. I tried， I really did try， you cant say I didnt try， no one could say that. And I almost did it too， I almost did.

I love you too， Eg—

And then the pencil fell before I could finish her name， and I couldnt write any more.

“Harry？ Are you still there？”

She turned and looked around the room.

“Harry？”

And course I was still there， but all my strength had gone. And there was no more left to be said or to be done. There was no more that I could say to the living. And little use in them saying anything to me. And I felt that it was time for me to go now.

To go， and never to come back.

But I felt at peace at last. Sad and sorry， but at peace. Id made up with Eggy， and that made me feel as if a great weight had been lifted from me. And I remembered something that our headmaster， Mr. Hallent， had said once， during one of his boring assemblies， when hed read this bit out from the Bible about “Never let the sun go down on your wrath”， meaning that you should never go to sleep still angry and enemies with someone， especially someone you loved， because one of you might not wake up in the morning. And then where would you be？ Well， Ill tell you. Youd be stuck with a whole big plateful of unfinished business， just like me.

Only my business was finished now. Id said I was sorry. I could go now， move on， to whatever lay there beyond the Other Lands， to whatever lay at the margins， past the eternal sunset. I could go off into the Great Blue Yonder.

她正在写一篇历史论文。她的书在梳妆台上打开，上面还放着一本A4纸和一些用于做笔记的铅笔。

我看着她坐到椅子上，拿起历史书。尽管她努力想把书读进去，尽管她努力集中精神，但她的视线还是不由自主地飘到那些老照片上。这是一些我的单人照和我们俩的合照。有一张艾吉还小而我只是个婴儿时的照片——也许我才刚出生。她抱着我，爸爸在帮忙，妈妈在一旁看着，神情紧张，似乎担心艾吉会把我摔到地上。（也许她确实想这么做，只是有一点儿想。）然后是时间往后一点的照片，我们都长高长大了。她总比我大三岁，永远是我的大姐姐，而我永远是她烦人的小弟弟，惹她生气，令她发狂。

墙上还有一些我们的全家福，有我、有艾吉、有妈妈、有爸爸，我们大家都站在一起，对着自动计时的新相机微笑。

我在，我们都在。但任何东西都无法把我们带回过去，让我们重新在一起。我再次感到很悲伤——但我不会被悲伤压倒。我有要完成的事，像人们所说的，我必须坚持到底。我必须了结我的心事。我必须原谅和取得原谅。我不能让艾吉一辈子都记着她最后对我说的那些话，在我夺门而出，然后被一辆卡车撞倒前。

“如果有一天我死了，你会感到悔疚的！”我当时这么对她说。

“不，我不会！”她在我身后朝我大喊道。“我会很开心的！”

然后，我再也没有回来。

“艾吉，”我说。“艾吉，我是哈利。我在这儿，在你旁边。就在这儿。但不要害怕。这没什么，艾吉，我现在是个鬼魂了，就这样。但这没什么，没有什么可怕的。我不会一直缠着你。我只是回来跟你和解，跟你说对不起。你听得见我说话吗，艾吉？你知不知道我在这里？”但她只是低头看着历史书，伸手翻过一页，她不知道我就站在她身后，近得我伸手就能碰到她。

“我的手就放在你的肩膀上，艾吉。你能感觉到吗？是我，哈利。不要害怕。我只是碰下你的肩膀，仅此而已。”

但她继续看历史书，然后停顿一下，拿起一支铅笔，写下一些脚注，关于亨利八世和他所有妻子以及他娶她们的原因。

“艾吉——是我。”

“艾吉……”

毫无反应。

她从书中抬起头来，也许在出神，像大家做作业做到一半时那样。她的视线落到我在四岁生日派对上和她的合照。我在准备一口气吹灭所有蜡烛。她在准备帮我，以防我没气。

“噢，哈利，”她说。“噢，哈利。”

然后她伸手触碰那张照片，就像那是鲜活的血肉之躯，而非只是纸和化学品。

我看到躺在桌上的铅笔。我想起了树上的叶子、杰利的圆珠笔，以及亚瑟和那台水果机。我可以做到。我知道我可以。我必须做到。我把全身的意念都集中到铅笔上，如同手电筒的光线一般。

“拜托，”我想，“拜托，拜托，拜托……”

然后我做到了。它动了。那支铅笔动了。我让它停在空中，笔尖朝下，仿佛有只虚无的手在握着它，在某种程度上，确实如此。

“我的天！”艾吉倒抽一口冷气，靠着椅子往后退。我想跟她说，“别担心，艾吉，不要害怕，”但我无力分神。我所有精神都集中在那支铅笔上，竭力让它立在空中，然后把它移动到A4纸上。

艾吉依然坐在椅子上，害怕又不怕，只是在等待，等待即将发生的事。她把手放在桌边，身体靠着椅背往后倾，仿佛要把桌子推开。

但她没有尖叫，没有逃走，也没有大叫爸爸妈妈，她只是坐在那里，僵硬地看着铅笔慢慢地朝A4纸移去。看着铅笔移动，她说，“哈利？哈利？是你吗？”

我把铅笔移到纸上，让它写下，是。

她没有动，目不转睛地盯着铅笔和纸。

“哈利，”她说。“对不起，哈利。我很抱歉对你说过那些话。自那以后我就无时无刻不在想着那些话。我愿意做任何事，只要能收回那些话，哈利。我希望时光可以倒流。对不起，哈利，真的对不起。”

我让铅笔写下，我知道，我也很抱歉，艾吉。

纸上的字迹很像我生前的，只是上面的字迹比较模糊、细长。我没有更多的精神能量可加诸铅笔上。仅仅是让铅笔写字以及让它立在空中就花光了我的所有精力，我不知道还能坚持多久。我感到精疲力尽，仿佛快要消失一般。

我竭力集中全部精神到铅笔上。你知道的，使那支铅笔移动到白纸上是我——嗯，人生——中所做过的最难的事。

原谅我，艾吉，我写道。请原谅我曾说过的话。

好一會儿，她一言不语，只是坐着，盯着纸上的字，然后她用力吞咽了一下，说道，“我当然会原谅你，哈利。当然。请你也原谅我，可以吗，哈利。你知道那不是我的真心话，不是吗？我那时很生气。我说了些愚蠢的话。原谅我，哈利。我爱你。”

我的力量在消失。我努力把铅笔移到纸上，写下我想说的话。我尽力了，真的尽力了，你不能说我没有尽力，没有人可以这样说。而我也几乎做到了，几乎。

我也爱你，艾——

我还没写完她的名字，铅笔就掉了下来，我再也写不动了。

“哈利？你还在吗？”

她转过身子向四周张望。

“哈利？”

当然我还在，但我所有的力量都消失了。而且该说的都说了，该做的也都做了。我已没什么话可对还活着的人说。他们的话对我也无关紧要。我感到是时候离开了。

离开，然后不再回来。

但我终于获得了内心的平静。虽然感到悲伤、遗憾，但我的内心很平静。我和艾吉和解了，这让我感到仿佛身上的千斤重量被移走了一般。我想起了我们校长哈伦特先生在一次无聊的大会上曾说过的一句话，这是他从《圣经》里读到的，“不要在愤怒中让太阳下山”，意思是不要带着愤怒和仇视别人的心情上床睡觉，特别是对那些你爱的人。因为也许你再也无法在第二天早上醒来。那么你会怎样呢？嗯，让我告诉你。你会被许多心愿未了之事困住，就像我一样。

只是我已了结心事。我道歉了。我现在可以继续走下去，可以前往“停留之地”后面的地方，可以穿过永不下沉的落日，前往天际线处的那个地方。我可以进入“天蓝色的彼岸”。