Honoring Process over Outcomes

One cool,crisp autumn day in September a letter arrived from the Dunn Primary School,where my son was studying in.This honestly left me scratching my head a bit.Why would the school bother to mail letters when they could always ask children to bring them home,thereby saving themselves the trouble and the postage cost?

Valuing Honor

The letter from the principal of the school reads the following:

Dear Parents:

I’m very pleased to let you know that your son Jack has been selected as the “International Citizen” for the month of September in class.The honor is for “Curiosity and Eagerness to Learn.” I want to let you knowthat the school is grateful to you for sending such an outstanding student to us.If Jack continues to perform like this,I am certain that this will not be the last time he receives an award.We are very pleased to share this honor with you.The award ceremony will be held at 2:30 pm on September 29.I hope to see you in attendance.

My husband and I reacted differently to this letter.The way he saw it,given that one award was given out per month,by the end of two years all 24 students in his class would have won an award.

What he was implying was,that the award was nothing special.

But I was impressed,partly by the effort my son has put in to adapt to the new environment,that he must have tried hard on his side to deserve this honor.Even more by the fact that the school took the award so seriously.

Celebrating Each Child’s Uniqueness

The day of the award ceremony saw a total of more than 400 in attendance.All of the teachers and students were there,with kids sitting on the floor,teachers sitting in chairs against the wall on both sides,and parents sitting in chairs in the back rows.

The auditorium was noisy and clamorous until the principal went up and stood in front of the small podium.She raised her hand,the universal sign for silence,and all the children raised their hands along with her.Suddenly,the auditorium fell so silent you could hear a pin drop.The ceremony began.

The principal called out the honorees’ names and read the comments on the back of the certificate,which was written by their teachers.

The comments were funny and engaging,full of commendation and appreciation.After reading the commentary,the certificate was presented to each award recipient and everyone applauded wildly.

Each child received different compliments.For those parents whose children have never won an award before,it was a bit of a new experience to hear comments from other children.

One of the comments was particularly charming:“You always ask why.Why isn’t the sky pink? Why do monkeys like bananas? Why is there such a thing as a honeymoon? I think you ask too many questions.”

The entire auditorium burst into loud guffaws.The parents were laughing so hard that many of them buried their faces in their sleeves.

Being praised on an official public occasion like this must make the award recipient feel very special and proud.

A Special Award

Now came the fourth graders’ turn to accept their awards.A total of six students took the stage.My son showed signs of both joy and nervousness,his expression switching randomly between deadpan seriousness and ear-toear grins.

The principal read out the reasons for the award:

“Jack Yao,you are the honorary recipient of the International Citizenship Award of the month for ‘Curiosity and Eagerness to Learn.’ You are often the first person to raise your hand and ask questions.One of your esteemed classmates has this to say,‘You always ask when you don’t understand.’ Your ability to ask questions and seek knowledge has given you rapid progress in vocabulary learning and English speaking.We are all proud of you.”

My son took the certificate respectfully and walked back to join his fellow students.On his way back I saw someone from another class reached out to give him a high-five.And with that,the ceremony came to a close.

Later,I saw photos of the students accepting their awards from the previous year and earlier in the year on the school bulletin board.In addition to “Curiosity and Eagerness to Learn,” there were awards like “Thinking and Creativity,”“Reflection and Gratitude,”“Adventure,Independence and Open-mindedness,” “Harmony and Communication,” “Balance,Enthusiasm and Confidence,”“Knowledge and Commitment,”“Tolerance,Integrity and Principles,” “Caring,Empathy and Respect.”

Having nothing to do with academic performance,these awards cover the school’s wall of fame and shine it.(FromTwelve Hello Gifts from a Teacher,Jiuzhou Press.Translation:Lu Qiongyao)

九月秋的某一天，有一封信躺在我们信箱，从Dunn 小学寄来的。我很纳闷，既然是学校要给家长的，叫孩子带回即可，何必寄呢？

重视荣誉

信是校长写的，我翻译她的话——

亲爱的YC 和MC：

我很高兴通知，你们的孩子Jack 获选为班上九月份的“国际公民”，这个月表彰的是“好学与求知欲”荣誉。我想让你们知道，学校非常感谢你们把这么优秀的学生送来。如果Jack 继续发展这种特质，我确信这不是他最后一次获奖。我们很荣幸分享这份骄傲。这个月的颁奖典礼将在九月二十九日下午两点三十分举行，希望你们能参加。

我与丈夫对这封信的反应很不一样。他说，每个月表扬一名的话，两年内，所有的学生都得过了。

言下之意，这不是什么大不了的事。

其实，我蛮感动的。感动的不只是孩子靠自己的努力适应新环境，至少做得不离谱老师才愿意把荣誉颁给他，我更在意的是学校如此慎重。

独一无二

颁奖那天，全校师生皆出席，约四百多人，学生席地而坐，老师坐两边靠墙的椅子，后面数排椅子给家长。

原本礼堂内闹哄哄的，等到校长站到小讲台前，她举起手，所有小朋友也跟着举手，场面立刻安静。显然，这是他们的肢体语言。典礼直接开始。

校长先对大家说出小朋友的名字，接着念出老师写的赞辞，即“获奖理由”——这段话粘在奖状后面。

赞辞充满称赞、惊叹，趣味、生动，念完后才把奖状给小朋友，大家热烈鼓掌。

每个人的赞辞都是独一无二的。

从家长的角度看，分享其他孩子的赞辞是一件很特别的事。

有位小朋友的赞辞是：

“你总是不停地问，为什么这样，为什么那样，为什么有蜜月？事实上，你问得太多了。”

家长们一阵窃笑。

对获奖的孩子来说，在“很当一回事”的公开场合被这样赞美，心情一定不同。

奖项特别

轮到四年级，共六位。儿子也上台，他很高兴也紧张，脸上表情忽然很严肃，忽然又笑得合不拢嘴，贼头贼脑。

轮到他，校长念得奖理由：

“Jack Yao，这个月的国际公民奖‘好学与求知欲’荣誉是你应得的。你常常是第一个举手发问的人，一位同学说：‘当他遇到不懂的事情，他总是问问题。’基于好问、求知的长处，你在词汇与说英语技巧上进步神速，我们以你为傲。”

儿子恭敬领了奖状，走回班级所在位置。我见到别班有人伸出手与他击掌，是道恭喜的意思。

一小时的典礼结束。

后来，我在学校布告墙上看到去年和今年上半年的得奖学生合影，除了“好学与求知欲”，另有“思考与创造”“反省与感谢”“冒险、独立与心胸开放”“合群与交流”“平衡、热心与自信”“知识与承诺”“宽容、正直与原则”“关怀、同理心与尊敬”等奖项以表彰学生。

这些跟学业第一名、第二名无关的奖项，贴满了那面殊荣墙。

（摘自《老师的十二样见面礼》九州出版社）