“三步法”搞定读后续写

林旭鹏

“三步法”是指审题、构思和润色。这里以2020年高考浙江卷的读后续写为例，谈谈“三步法”的运用。

阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。（注：根据全国卷读后续写的特点，删除了原题中的划线词及续写要求）

One fall，my wife Elli and I had a single goal： to photograph polar bears. We were staying at a research camp outside“the polar bear capital of the world”—the town of Churchill in Manitoba，Canada.

Taking pictures of polar bears is amazing but also dangerous. Polar bears—like all wild animals—should be photographed from a safe distance. When Im face to face with a polar bear，I like it to be through a camera with a telephoto lens. But sometimes，that is easier said than done. This was one of those times.

As Elli and I cooked dinner，a young male polar bear who was playing in a nearby lake sniffed，and smelled our garlic bread.

The hungry bear followed his nose to our camp，which was surrounded by a high wire fence. He pulled and bit the wire. He stood on his back legs and pushed at the wooden fence posts.

Terrified，Elli and I tried all the bear defense actions we knew. We yelled at the bear，hit pots hard，and fired blank shotgun shells into the air. Sometimes loud noises like these will scare bears off. Not this polar bear though—he just kept trying to tear down the fence with his massive paws（爪子）.

I radioed the camp manager for help. He told me a helicopter was on its way，but it would be 30 minutes before it arrived. Making the best of this close encounter（相遇），I took some pictures of the bear.

Elli and I feared the fence wouldnt last through 30 more minutes of the bears punishment. The camp manager suggested I use pepper spray. The spray burns the bearseyes，but doesn't hurt them. So I approached our uninvited guest slowly and，through the fence，sprayed him in the face. With an angry roar（吼叫），the bear ran to the lake to wash his eyes.

注意：

1. 所續写短文的词数应为150左右;

2. 续写部分分为两段，每段的开头语已为你写好。

Paragraph1：A few minutes later，the bear headed back to our camp. ____________________________________________

___________________________________________________

Paragraph2：At that very moment，the helicopter arrived.__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

一、审题

审题是最重要的步骤，务必认真对待。读后续写的审题不止是审题目要求了，而是审读所给语言材料和所给段落首句等，在审读这些内容时，要重点弄清以下五点。

1. 审人称。审原材料的人物和续写部分的人物需要用哪种人称出现在续写文章里，要特别注意原材料里“拟人化”的人物其人称代词的选用。

2. 审时态。审原材料的主体时态，多种时态的混合使用;审续写部分的时态选择。

3. 审情节。一方面，审原材料的故事情节。续写部分要求“根据所给情节进行续写”，表明续写内容是原材料故事情节的延续，因此原材料的故事情节是续写部分的“指南针”，指引续写部分的方向。另一方面，审续写部分每段的开头语，领悟续写部分每段的开头语的提示作用，从而探索续写部分组织材料的导向。

4. 审结构。审原材料篇章结构和写作特点，找出原材料主旨句或主旨段及细节材料，明白细节材料是如何围绕中心思想而展開的，明白这个“中心思想”不只是原材料的中心思想更是续写部分的中心思想，是续写部分的灵魂，是组织材料的框架，千千万万不同的材料可以倒进这个框架，但目的只有一个：服务中心思想。绝对不能离开中心思想的“势力范围”。

5. 审衔接。审原材料的尾段特别是尾段的尾句与续写首段的开头语的衔接关系，从这个“关系”中可以窥探续写首段的情节构思方向：是接着尾句继续写下去或是与尾段并列还是接着尾段的反方向续写，等等。审续写首段的尾句与续写第二段开头语的衔接关系，要承上启下，让两个段落衔接自然，发挥“红娘”的作用，因此该特殊位置的句意务必认真对待。审续写第二段的结束句，句意要充满正能量，升华文章主题，发挥“画龙点睛”的作用，不仅“使之构成一个完整的故事”，而且具有积极的教育意义。

2020年高考浙江卷的读后续写可以这样审题。

①人称：Elli是第三人称，the bear是“拟人化”的人物，对应代词是he，him，his。续写段落以第一人称为主。

②时态：原材料和续写部分的主体时态都是一般过去时态。

③情节：“我”和妻子Elli共有一个目标：拍到北极熊的照片。有一天，夫妻俩在科研营地做饭时一只北极熊闻到面包味来到营地，北极熊要穿过营地围栏。夫妻俩使用很多方法抵御北极熊，情况危急，同时拍到北极熊的一些照片，幸好最后脱险。拍到北极熊的照片是不容易的。

④结构：原材料篇章结构清楚易懂，第二段是主旨段，“But sometimes，that is easier said than done. This was one of those times.”是主旨句，是中心思想（拍到北极熊的照片说的比做的容易，这便是其中一次经历）。其他段落是细节描写服务中心思想。

⑤衔接：原材料的尾句“With an angry roar（吼叫），the bear ran to the lake to wash his eyes.”与续写首段开头语“A few minutes later，the bear headed back to our camp ”衔接自然，可以接着尾句情节续写;续写首段的尾句必须与续写第二段开头语“At that very moment，the helicopter arrived.”有合理逻辑联系，该句意思要认真构思;续写第二段的结束句句意要有满满正能量，要谨慎构思。

二、构思

构思是指组织材料。经过认真的审题之后就可以为续写搜集材料，可以使用各种各样的材料构思情节，但材料要符合“与所给短文融洽度高，与所提供各段落开头语衔接合理”的要求，并且要围绕全文中心思想而展开。如2020年高考浙江卷的读后续写可以这样构思。

构思续写第一段：

由材料尾句“With an angry roar（吼叫），the bear ran to the lake to wash his eyes.”和所给首段首句”A few minutes later，the bear headed back to our camp.”构思：We saw this. We thought another danger was on the way.

由原文第五段“夫妻俩使用很多方法抵御北极熊，同时拍到北极熊的一些照片，情况危急”构思：We wanted to turned the bear around. Elli threw our bread as far as possible. The bear smelled the bread and ran back for it. I took this good opportunity to photograph the bear. The flashing camera attracted his attention. The bear dashed back again and roared angrily. The bear gathered all his power to pull down the fence. The bear got in. I attempted to use pepper spray to force him off but failed.

由第二段所给首句“At that very moment，the helicopter arrived.”构思尾句：He was a great danger to us.

构思续写第二段：

由“At that very moment，the helicopter arrived”推测：直升机来到后，夫妻俩如何与北极熊周旋。可以这样构思：The helicopter produced noises. The helicopter was a giant. It was more powerful than him. We hid ourselves behind the helicopter. The bear was terrified not to come forward. We were safe. The bear would not like to leave. The bear wanted to attack us. The bear made some aggressive actions. Sometimes he glared at us. Sometimes he roared to us. Sometimes he watched the helicopter in a funny way.

由原文情节“夫妻俩共有一个目标：拍到北极熊的照片”，构思：We took the pictures of all his“posts”.

由全文主旨“幸好最后脱险”，构思：Then we left in the helicopter.

由“续写第二段的结束句要有积极的教育意义”，构思：Polar bears needed protecting.

综上所述，两个自然段的“构思”如下：

A few minutes later，the bear headed back to our camp. We saw this. We thought another danger was on the way. We wanted to turned the bear around. Elli threw our bread as far as possible. The bear smelled the bread and ran back for it. I took this good opportunity to photograph the bear. The flashing camera attracted his attention. The bear dashed back again and roared angrily. The bear gathered all his power to pull down the fence. The bear got in. I attempted to use pepper spray to force him off but failed. He was a great danger to us.

At that very moment，the helicopter arrived. The helicopter produced noises. The helicopter terrified the bear not to come forward. We were safe. We hid ourselves behind the helicopter. The bear would not like to leave. The bear wanted to attack us. The bear made some aggressive actions. Sometimes he glared at us. Sometimes he roared to us. Sometimes he watched the helicopter in a funny way. We took the pictures of all his“posts”. Then we left in the helicopter. Polar bears needed protecting.

三、润色

根据评分标准“所使用语法结构和词汇丰富、准确”“有效地使用了语句间的连接成分，使所续写短文结构紧凑”去润色，把“构思”的句子进行修改，使得行文流畅，逻辑合理，语意连贯，语法正确，英语味浓。

为使语言形象生动，避免所有句子都以主语开头，可以把表语或状语前置使用倒装结构;避免句式单一，要灵活应用分词短语、with的复活结构、强调句、并列句、主从复合句、省略句;避免使用表意笼统化的词汇，应该使用表意具体的高级词汇;还要注意长短句相间;为增强文章的可读性，根据上下文的逻辑关系，可恰当添加过渡性的词语或连接词，如not only ... but also，either ... or ...，however，as a result，whats more，in addition 等。

上面的构思可以这样润色：

A few minutes later，the bear headed back to our camp. Seeing this，we thought another danger was on the way. To turned the bear around，Elli threw our bread as far as possible and  smelling the bread，the bear ran back for it. So I took this good opportunity to photograph him. With the camera flashing，the bear dashed back again，roaring angrily. Besides，the bear gathered all his power to pull down the fence and got in. I attempted to use pepper spray to force him off but failed. Obviously，he was a great danger.

At that very moment，the helicopter arrived. The helicopter producing noises scared the bear a distance away. We were safe. However，the bear would not like to leave but to attack us.Therefore，he made some aggressive actions. Sometimes he glared at us. Sometimes he roared to us. Sometimes he watched the helicopter in a funny way. We hurried to take the pictures of all his “posts”. Then we left in the helicopter，realizing polar bears needed protecting.

上面續写的两个段落与每段的开头语能很好衔接，段落之间也能够衔接;细节描写生动，逻辑性强，续写情节能够根据原材料情节进行续写，构成一个完整的故事。语法运用正确，英语味浓，多次使用现在分词作状语，with的复合结构，不定式作目的状语前置，长短句相间;文章的可读性强，多次使用过渡性的词语或连接词。

责任编辑 蒋小青