金铃子：我的内心是条奔腾的河

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金铃子

Jin Lingzi

金铃子，原名蒋信琳，诗人，书画家，中国作协会员，中国国家画院曾来德工作室访问学者。著有《奢华倾城》《曲有误》《越人歌》《金铃子诗书画集》等。

Jin Lingzi, formerly known as Jiang Xinlin, is a poet,calligrapher and painter,a member of the China Writers Association, and a visiting scholar at the Zeng Laide Studio of China National Academy of Painting. Her works includesLuxurious City,Slipped Melody, Songs of the Yue Tribes and Collection of Poems, Books and Paintings of Jin Lingzi, etc.

在重庆，金铃子的名字几乎总是与诗歌同时出现。而当诗人金铃子拿起画笔，染指油画，呈现的又是怎样一个画家金铃子呢？

在金铃子家巨大的露台见到她时，她正在绘制一幅有关多依河的作品，那是2018年3月她到云南采风所获得的灵感。金铃子作画喜欢用手多过用笔，只见她一手拿着调色盘，用手指沾满颜料，在深色背景的画布上，不断点缀出白绿相间的块状色彩。不一会儿，一条被植物环绕的河流慢慢出现在画布上。

站在她的画前，看她一手一手地涂抹，聆听她内心的独白，慢慢感受到，在金铃子柔弱的外表下，包裹了一颗不羁的心，孤傲而狂野。那条流淌在画布上的河，同样在她心底暗流汹涌。

In Chongqing, Jin Lingzi's name almost invariably associates with poetry. And when the poet Jin Lingzi picked up the brush and tried her hands at oil painting,what kind of painter Jin Lingzi would her be?

At the large terrace of Jin Lingzi's house, she was seen drawing a painting about the Duoyi River,which was inspired by her trip to Yunnan to collect folk songs in March 2018. Jin Lingzi prefers to paint with her hands rather than with a brush. Holding a palette with one hand, she covered her fingers with paint,and continuously embellished the dark canvas with white-and-green color lumps. In a little while, a river surrounded by plants slowly appeared on the canvas.

Standing in front of her painting, watching her paint by hand and listening to her inner monologue,one would slowly felt that under Jin Lingzi's delicate appearance there was an unruly heart, aloof and wild.The river flowing on the canvas was also surging in her heart.

落木21 油画 80×105cm 2010

画出心里的色彩梦

Painting Her Colorful Dream

落木16 油画 50×80cm

“每个人心里都有一个属于色彩的梦，和很多小女孩一样，我小时候也喜欢拿着笔涂鸦。” 金铃子诗中神秘、瑰丽的画面，正是源自于金铃子头脑里挥之不去的色彩梦想。“我一直想画一个自己，一个披散着头发，在沙漠中奋力狂奔的自己，也许我能，也许我不能。”10年前，在参观完一次画展之后，金铃子终于决定将自己的色彩梦付诸行动。

与许多科班出身的画家不一样，金铃子画画从未拜师学艺，她是在涂涂抹抹中，探寻属于自己的绘画技法和感觉。“在我十年的绘画过程中，总会找到自己的绘画技巧。写作和绘画使用的语言不同，但言说的方式是相通的。我喜欢古人用的一个词：秘响旁通。一个诗人如果真能旁通，技术就不是问题。”

不过，金铃子也并不否认，或许会有一个老师，在前面等着她，只是缘分还没有到。

"Everyone has a dream for color in heart. Like many little girls, I liked doodling when I was little."The mysterious and magnificent images in Jin Lingzi's poems originate from her deeply rooted dream for painting. "I have always wanted to draw a selfportrait, with my hair draped and running through the desert, maybe I can, maybe I can't." Ten years ago, after visiting an art exhibition, Jin Lingzi finally decided to put her dream of painting into action.

Unlike many painters with professional training,Jin Lingzi has never studied art from a teacher.She used painting and daubing to explore her own painting techniques and feelings. "In course of my ten years of painting, I would always find my own painting skills. Writing and painting use different languages, but their ways of expression are interlinked. I love a term used by the ancients:inconspicuous sound leads to bypasses. If a poet can really comprehend by analogy, techniques will not be a problem. ”

However, Jin Lingzi does not deny that there might be a teacher waiting for her somewhere in the future, it's just that fate has not arrived yet.

我是一个苛刻的人

I'm A Harsh Person

完成了第一幅作品后，金铃子的画作也越来越多，不久便拥有了自己的第一本画册。

难以置信的是，这本画册里面百分之八十的画曾被金铃子亲手毁掉了。“我是一个对自己苛刻，追求完美的人，这些作品或许开始你是满意的，但是，时间是一个可怕的东西，让你很快发现它们的缺点。比如今天我是满意的、自足的，明天又会被‘无意思'‘没意义'这两个东西折磨，不管别人说画得好还是差。只有自己在感觉惶恐时，那才是真正的惶恐。唯有销毁它们，要对自己狠，才会找到出路。”

“一个苛刻的人”，这是采访中金铃子对自己描述最多的一句。这位留着长发笑容温暖的女子，在骨子里却有着不同于外表的坚持。

这种与生俱来的狠劲也随时在逼迫着她。

为什么一直强迫自己不断创作？除了金铃子性格中的苛刻，绘画也是她抒发内心孤寂与挣扎的重要方式。“我的内心有一条奔腾不息的河流，山高水急，随时会把我淹死。我不断在追逐我认为的诗歌或者艺术，但总是无法真正靠近，你仿佛靠近它了，它又远了一步。你永远只能够追求它，却无法得到它，这是我的痛苦。”

金铃子觉得，她仿佛在不断打开门，可推开门后又会发现另一扇门，无穷无尽，看不到出口，也看不到尽头。这让她充满焦虑，也催促着她不停奔跑。每完成一次创作，都会给她带来极大的成就感和满足感，然后又跌入谷底，如此循环往复，没有穷尽。有一次，金铃子完成了诗作《太阳普照》的配图，激动得来回在客厅、露台走动，嘴里念叨一句话“我为什么这样厉害，为什么这样厉害？”这一走就是三个小时。这种疯狂状态让金铃子一度疲惫不堪。

After finishing her first works, Jin Lingzi's paintings increased greatly, and soon she had her first album of painting.

However, it is unbelievable that 80% of the paintings in this album were destroyed by Jin Lingzi herself. "I am a person who is strict on myself and pursues perfection. You may be satisfied with these works at first, but time is a terrible thing that makes you discover their shortcomings quickly. For example, today I am satisfied and happy with it,and tomorrow I may be fretting myself with "boring"and "meaningless", no matter what others would say about the painting. Only the fear that you feel yourself, is the real fear. The only way out is to destroy them and to be harsh on yourself. ”

"A harsh person", is the most frequently term that Jin Lingzi used to describe herself in the interview.This lady, wearing long hair and warm smiles, has an inner persistence quite different from her appearance.

This inherent vicious force has also been chasing her.

Why do you force yourself to keep composing?Besides her harsh personality, painting is also an important means for her to express her loneliness and struggle. "In my heart there is a river running endlessly, with high mountains and rushing waters,where I might be drown any time. I'm constantly chasing what I think is poetry or art, but I can't really get close to it. You seem to get close to it, but it steps away further. It's my pain that you can always pursue it, but you can't get it. ”

Jin Lingzi felt that she seemed to be constantly opening doors, but when she opened it, she would find another door, without exit or end in sight. This filled her with anxiety and urged her to keep running.Each composition will bring her a great sense of achievement and satisfaction, and then she will fall to the bottom of the valley, and there is no end to the cycle. Once Jin Lingzi completed the layout of her poemThe Sun Shines. She was so excited that she walked back and forth in the living room and terrace.She said, "Why am I so formidable and why am I so formidable?" This walk took her three hours. This crazy state also made Jin Lingzi feel exhausted.

人面11 布面油画 70×80cm 2010

我画的是宇宙

I Draw the Universe

作为诗人，金铃子写出了《奢华倾城》《曲有误》《越人歌》等脍炙人口的作品，还获得了第二届徐志摩诗歌奖，第七届台湾薛林青年诗歌奖等各类奖项。评论家高平对金铃子的诗作有这样的评价：其风格与力度，与一般女诗人的柔、细、隐大不相同，它来不及让你细细品味，而首先使你感到震撼。“人的性格与诗的风格在这里得到了高度统一”这句评论，在金铃子的画作里也体现得淋漓尽致。

翻开金铃子最新的画册《桃之夭夭》，大部分作品都是金铃子复杂内心世界的真实写照，创作时间近十年。“我的作品漫步在抽象与具体之间，就像生活本身就是一个夹杂着真实和虚幻的矛盾体。”

这本画作分五个系列，每个系列都有典故：“落木”出自唐代诗人杜甫的《登高》名句“无边落木萧萧下，不尽长江滚滚来”，以果实和树木等为表现对象；“凤兮”出自汉代诗人司马相如的《凤求凰》“凤兮凤兮归故乡，遨游四海求其凰”；“本象”似像非像变形的人体，扭曲的姿态，给人无限的张力与想象空间；“人面”画面的构成如同面具一般，是对潜意识的呈现；“兽影”源于中国传统的十二生肖。《桃之夭夭》的每一个小封面都是金铃子精心设计的，取材于自己房间的各个角落。

金铃子最喜欢的作品是《本象》，把自己身上的纹身用作了《本象》的小封。“它用了我最深的情感。”

2018年12月23日下午，《桃之夭夭——金铃子油画作品展》在重庆开幕，每当参观者询问金铃子画作表达的意境时，金铃子总是那句话：我画的是宇宙。

As a poet, Jin Lingzi wrote such well-known works asLuxurious City,Slipped MelodyandSong of the Yue Tribes. She also won various awards such as the 2nd Xu Zhimo Poetry Award and the 7th Taiwan Xuelin Youth Poetry Award and others. Commentator Gao Ping made comments on Jin Lingzi's poems that:its styles and strengths are quite different from that of ordinary poetesses in terms of softness, thinness and concealment. It will first amaze you before you savor it in details. The comment that "poet's character and poetic style are highly unified here" is also fully reflected in Jin Lingzi's paintings.

Opening Jin Lingzi's latest albumPeach Blossoms,Most of the works are the true portrayal of Jin Lingzi's sophisticated inner world which took her nearly ten years to finish. "My works often wanders between the abstract and the concrete, just like life itself that is a contradiction mixed with the real and the unreal. ”

落木28 布面油画 60×140cm 2018

This painting has five series, each has its own allusions: "Falling Wood" comes from the famous lines "leaves are continuing to fall endlessly, while I watch the Yangtze River rolling eastwards" inClimbing Highby poet Du Fu of Tang Dynasty, which takes fruits and trees as its objects of expression. "Ode To Phoenix" comes from "Phoenix, Phoenix, returns to its hometown and roams all over the world to seek its mate" inPhoenix Love Storyby poet Sima Xiangru of Han Dynasty. "The Self Portrait" looks like a deformed human body and its twisted posture impresses people with unlimited tension and imagination. The composition of the "Human Face" looks like a mask,delivering the presentation of the subconscious."Beast Shadows" originates from the traditional twelve Chinese zodiac signs. Every sub-cover ofPeach Blossomswas carefully designed by Jin Lingzi and was drawn from every corner of her room.

Jin Lingzi's favorite is Self Portrait, using her tattoo as a sub-cover forSelf Portrait. "It carries my deepest emotion."

On the afternoon of December 23, 2018, thePeach Blossoms - Jin Lingzi Oil Painting Exhibitionopened in Chongqing Shangdao Culture Exhibition Hall.Whenever visitors asked about the artistic conception expressed by Jin Lingzi's paintings, Jin Lingzi would always say these words: I draw the universe.