没人教给你的最重要技能

By Zat Rana

Before dying at the age of 39， Blaise Pascal made huge contributions to both physics and mathematics， notably in fluids， geometry， and probability.1 This work， however， would influence more than just the realm2 of the natural sciences. Many fields that we now classify under the heading of social science did， in fact， also grow out of the foundation he helped lay.

Interestingly enough， much of this was done in his teen years， with some of it coming in his twenties. As an adult， inspired by a religious experience， he actually started to move towards philosophy and theology3.

Right before his death， he was hashing out fragments of private thoughts that would later be released as a collection by the name of Pensées.4 While the book is mostly a mathematicians case for choosing a life of faith and belief， the more curious thing about it is its clear and lucid ruminations on what it means to be human.5 Its a blueprint of our psychology long before psychology was deemed a formal discipline.

There is enough thought-provoking material in it to quote， and it attacks human nature from a variety of different angles， but one of its most famous thoughts aptly sums up the core of his argument： “All of humanitys problems stem from mans inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”6

According to Pascal， we fear the silence of existence， we dread boredom and instead choose aimless distraction， and we cant help but run from the problems of our emotions into the false comforts of the mind. The issue at the root， essentially， is that we never learn the art of solitude.

The Perils7 of Being Connected

Today， more than ever， Pascals message rings true. If there is one word to describe the progress made in the last 100 years， its connectedness. Information technologies have dominated our cultural direction. From the telephone to the radio to the TV to the Internet， we have found ways to bring us all closer together， enabling constant worldly access. I can sit in my office in Canada and transport myself to practically anywhere I want through Skype8. I can be on the other side of the world and still know what is going on at home with a quick browse9.

I dont think I need to highlight the benefits of all this. But the downsides are also beginning to show. Beyond the current talk about privacy and data collection， there is perhaps an even more detrimental10 side-effect here： We now live in a world where were connected to everything except ourselves.

If Pascals observation about our inability to sit quietly in a room by ourselves is true of the human condition in general， then the issue has certainly been augmented by an order of magnitude due to the options available today.11

However， never being alone is not the same thing as never feeling alone. Worse yet， the less comfortable you are with solitude， the more likely it is that you wont know yourself. And then， youll spend even more time avoiding it to focus elsewhere. In the process， youll become addicted to the same technologies that were meant to set you free.

Just because we can use the noise of the world to block out the discomfort of dealing with ourselves doesnt mean that this discomfort goes away.

Almost everybody thinks of themselves as self-aware. They think they know how they feel and what they want and what their problems are. But the truth is that very few people really do. And those that do will be the first to tell how fickle12 self-awareness is and how much alone time it takes to get there.

Boredom as a Mode of Stimulation13

If we take it back to the fundamentals—and this is something Pascal touches on， too—our aversion to solitude is really an aversion to boredom.14

Almost anything else that controls our life in an unhealthy way finds its root in our realization that we dread the nothingness of nothing.15 We cant imagine just being rather than doing. And therefore， we look for entertainment， we seek company， and if those fail， we chase even higher highs.

We ignore the fact that never facing this nothingness is the same as never facing ourselves. And never facing ourselves is why we feel lonely and anxious in spite of being so intimately connected to everything else around us.

Fortunately， there is a solution. The only way to avoid being ruined by this fear—like any fear—is to face it. Its to let the boredom take you where it wants so you can deal with whatever it is that is really going on with your sense of self. Thats when youll hear yourself think， and learn to engage the parts of you that are masked by distraction.

The beauty of this is that， once you cross that initial barrier， you realize that being alone isnt so bad. Boredom can provide its own stimulation.

When you surround yourself with moments of solitude and stillness， you become intimately familiar with your environment in a way that forced stimulation doesnt allow. The world becomes richer， the layers start to peel back， and you see things for what they really are， in all their wholeness， in all their contradictions， and in all their unfamiliarity.16

You learn that there are other things you are capable of paying attention to than just what makes the most noise on the surface. Just because a quiet room doesnt scream with excitement like the idea of immersing yourself in a movie or a TV show doesnt mean that there isnt depth to explore there.

Sometimes， the direction that this solitude leads you in can be unpleasant， especially when it comes to introspection17—your thoughts and your feelings， your doubts and your hopes—but in the long term， its far more pleasant than running away from it all without even realizing that you are.

Being alone and connecting inwardly is a skill nobody ever teaches us. Thats ironic because its more important than most of the ones they do.

Solitude may not be the solution to everything， but it certainly is a start.

1. Blaise Pascal： 布莱斯·帕斯卡（1623—1662），法国数学家、物理学家、哲学家；geometry： 几何（学）。

2. realm： 领域，范围。

3. theology： 神学，宗教学。

4. hash out： 详细讨论；Pensées： 帕斯卡的经典著作《思想录》。

5. lucid： 表达清楚的，易懂的；rumination： 沉思。

6. thought-provoking： 令人深思的；aptly： 恰当地；stem from： 来自。

7. peril： 危险。

8. Skype： 一款即时通信软件。

9. browse：（在网上）浏览。

10. detrimental： 有害的，不利的。

11. augment： 扩大，增加；order of magnitude： 数量级。

12. fickle： 易变的，无常的。

13. stimulation： 激勵。

14. touch on： 谈及，涉及；aversion：厌恶，憎恶。

15. 几乎所有那些通过不健康的方式掌控我们生活的东西，都是源自我们认为我们害怕那种什么都不做、什么都没有的虚无感。

16. 世界变得更加充实，表面的东西层层剥落，于是你看到了事物真实的样子，完整的、充满矛盾的、你不熟悉的样子。

17. introspection： 内省，反省。