翻译擂台（第25期）点评

文/林巍

【原文】

[1]使举国之少年而亦为老大也，则吾中国为过去之国，其澌亡可翘足而待也。[2]故今日之责任，不在他人，而全在我少年。[3]少年智则国智，少年富则国富；少年强则国强，少年独立则国独立；少年自由则国自由，少年进步则国进步；少年胜于欧洲则国胜于欧洲，少年雄于地球则国雄于地球。[4]红日初升，其道大光。……纵有千古，横有八荒。前途似海，来日方长。

——梁启超

【点评】

梁启超是中国近代史上的著名启蒙思想家、政治家和教育家，生活在清末民初。面对国家的腐败、黑暗、落后和虚弱，他积极参加了戊戌变法运动；失败之后，流亡日本，创办了《清议报》，《少年中国说》是1900年发表在该报上的一篇著名文章，影响颇大，被公认为梁启超著作中思想意义最积极、情感色彩最激越的篇章。

[1]中，许多参赛者没有将“使”译出来，该词此处为“假如、如果”，即if。“老大”，书面语“年老”，有俗语：少壮不努力，老大徒伤悲。“少年”，有人译成了teenage，但该词在人口学上界定的青少年，一般为15–25岁或14–28岁之间，故不如the young people、youth。

“澌亡”，其中“澌”为“尽”，“澌亡”即“灭绝消亡”，有人译成extinct，但该词本义为：no longer in existence; specially, a species of animal or plant that is extinct no longer has any living members, either in the world or in a particular place。故该词用在此处有些“过”了。相比而言，perish更为适宜，其意为pass from physical life and lose all bodily attributes and functions necessary to sustain life，该词最有名的用法出现在林肯的《葛底斯堡演说》中：that government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth（这个民有、民治、民享的政府将与世长存）。故此，句[1]不妨译 为：If our nation’s youth also become somewhat senile, our nation as whole will be set back to its previous stage, and will then perish before long.

[2]句，典型的译文如“So those who shoulder social responsibilities are the juveniles rather than anyone else.”“It is the juveniles instead of the others,bear the responsibility of today’s China.”“So it is not others’ responsibilities but juniors’ to save China.”“So the duty of today falls upon none other than the youth.”等。其中，许多人用了juveniles，究其本义：A juvenile is a child or young person who is not yet old enough to be regarded as an adult. 且该词是个法律术语，如juvenile delinquency（青少年犯罪）、 juvenile court（少年法庭）等，一般文章中不可用来代替young people、youth。故句[2]不妨译为：Hence the duty of transforming our nation today lies in no one else but our youth.

[3]中的 “智”，译得最多的是wise，其次为intelligent、clever、bright、 brilliant、smart等。但分析起来，a wise person is able to use their experience and knowledge in order to make sensible decisions and judgments，即wise一般多用于有一定年龄、经历、资历的人。而intelligent多指“good at learning, understanding and thinking in a logical way about things”，即有才智、悟性强，更多强调理解力好。

clever意为skillful (or showing skill) in adapting means to ends，多指心灵手巧，学习和理解比一般人快。bright常用于口语，强调的是“showing an ability to think, learn, or respond quickly”，多指年轻人、小孩反应快。至于smart，固然也与知识、智慧有关，但更多是指showing intelligence and mental alertness，即看起来很灵巧、机警、靓丽，有时也用于贬义，指耍小聪明。

同时，“富”的译法，参赛译文中用得最多的是rich和wealthy。二者都指“拥有财物或金钱”，rich用得更广泛，强调“个人财产和金钱的拥有”，也指某些物质方面的丰富，而wealthy则暗指在社会上有殷实的地位。

对于“自由”，用得最多的是free、freedom、liberty等，应当说，freedom 用得更为广泛，指某种行为完全不受限制、阻碍、影响。其实，还可用unrestricted，其义释为“If an activity is unrestricted, you are free to do it in the way that you want, without being limited by any rules.”，是一种含义更深的freedom。

在句式表达上，一般译文都比较严格地遵循了原文，如：If the youth is wise, and our country will be wise. If the youth is rich, and our country will be rich. If the youth is strong, and our country will be strong. If the youth is independent, and our country will be independent. If the youth has freedom,and our country will have freedom. If the youth makes the progress, and our country will make progress. If the youth is superior to Europe, and our country will be superior to Europe. If the youth dominate the world, and our country will dominate the world. 应当说，中文的这种排比句很有气势，颇具感染力，但照搬到英文里效果未必相同，而且还可能读来冗赘重叠。

类似的，在第七届“《英语世界》杯”翻译大赛的汉译英原文中，有句“知识可以占有，智慧只能发挥；知识向外求得，智慧于内感悟；知识越获越丰富，智慧越凝越升华”，一般译文都采取了类似的句式，如“Knowledge may be possessed, while wisdom must be fulfilled spontaneously. Knowledge may come from acquisition, while wisdom must be derived from introspection.Knowledge can be accumulated, while wisdom must be re fi ned.”等，当然不能算错，但根据英文形合的特点，不妨将其整合为一句：Knowledge can only be possessed and accumulated externally, while wisdom is brought into play and sublimed internally. 这样便求得“整体相等”，也精简掉重复部分。同样，鲁迅的名言“沉默啊！沉默！不在沉默中爆发，就在沉默中灭亡。”，其中有四个“沉默”，在中文里有层层递进的呐喊效果，但若原封不动搬到英文，则显累赘，于是杨宪益、戴乃迭将其译为“Silence! Silence! Unless we burst out, we shall perish in this silence.”，既保留原文的强烈感情，又平实、顺畅。

故此，句[3]不妨加以相应变通：When the youth become intelligent, the whole nation is; as the youth get wealthy, so does the whole nation. In the same way, when our young people grow to be strong, independent, progressive and unrestricted, so will the whole nation, which will surpass Europe and even stand out in the world with its dynamic youngsters.

[4]中，对于“红日初升，其道大光”，一般都译成了The red sun is just rising、The sun has just risen、The red sun rises brightly等，颇显突兀。其实应该结合其广义和狭义的语境来理解：梁启超将当时封建统治下的中国视为衰落无望的“老大帝国”，而热切希望出现一个富强、独立、自由、进步的“少年中国”，只有那样，中国才会有前途，因此，译文应加以衔接和变通，如可采用If that happens, … would be like… 的句式。对于“纵有”“横有”，有译文用了Longitudinally、Horizontally，固然清晰，但也多少有些机械，不妨将其融合在整句之中：If that happens, our nation would be like a rising sun or a broad road full of sunlight. … Sustained by thousands of years of history and a wondrous vast land, China’s future is as immense as oceans with ample time ahead.

梁启超写此文时只有27岁，可谓当时的“90后”，并把它视为自己“开文章之新体，激民气之暗潮”的代表作。要将其原汁原味地译成英文，则需在词语与句式上颇费斟酌。 □

【优胜者】

陈妍佳（上海） 胡文明（深圳） 李松（长春）