ASTRO BABBLE

孙佳慧

Whether you believe in it or not， astrology has a huge fan base in China

聊星座其实是一种社交技巧

For those with an open mind toward astrology， human society seems pretty simple. As long as they know someones birthday， they can become experts on anyone： For example， Sagittarius is an adventurer， Pisces a dreamer or healer， and a Capricorn is a variable workaholic.

Horoscopes are staple reading material online. Posts on Tongdao Dashu， a Weibo account dedicated to the 12 zodiac signs， gets thousands of shares each， and the account has gained nearly 15 million followers since its creation in 2013. In 2016， the company behind this account sold 72.5 percent of its stake at a jaw-dropping value of over 200 million RMB， which probably gives some clue to how popular astrology in China is.

But even those who are aware that there are more than just a dozen personality types in the world cant get enough of astrology talk. Thats because， in many cases， the zodiac signs can be useful tools for socializing. Consider meeting a stranger for the first time： You dont want to get too personal， nor ask clichéd questions about the weather， so a conversation about their star sign can help break the ice.

A： Whats your star sign？

N@ sh# sh9nme x～ngzu7 de？

你是什么星座的？

B： Im a Taurus.

W6 sh# J～nni% Zu7.

我是金牛座。

A： I heard that Tauruses are very good at managing financial matters. Is that true？

T～ngshu4 J～nni% Zu7 de r9n d4u h0n sh3nch1ng l@c1i. Sh# zh8nde ma？

听说金牛座的人都很擅长理财。是真的吗？

B： Not me. I always lose money in investments.

W6 ji& b% sh3nch1ng. W6 t5uz～ z6ngsh# p9iqi1n.

我就不擅长。我投资总是赔钱。

Talking about star signs might even be a shortcut to best-friendship：

A： You are a Gemini？ Thats great！

N@ sh# Shu`ngz@ Zu7？ T3i h2o le！

你是双子座？太好了！

B： Why？

W-i sh9nme？

为什么？

A： Im a Sagittarius. Its said a Sagittarius always gets along with a Gemini.

W6 sh# Sh-sh6u Zu7. J&shu4; Sh-sh6u Zu7 h9 Shu`ngz@ Zu7 t-bi9 h9del1i.

我是射手座。据说射手座和双子座合得来。

On the other hand， when a social interaction turns sour， astrology can be used to excuse ones less-than-positive traits—“its not my fault， the stars made me this way！”

A： Come on！ You have been looking through the menu for ages！ Cant you order quicker？

B3itu4！ N@ k3n c3id`n d4u k3n le y！ g- sh#j# le！ N9ng ku3i di2nr di2nc`n ma？

拜托！你看菜單都看了一个世纪了！能快点儿点餐吗？

B： As a Libra， I was born with difficulty making up my mind.

Zu7w9i Ti`nch-ng Zu7， w6 ti`nsh8ng xu2nz9 k&nnan.;

作为天秤座， 我天生选择困难。

Its even applicable to the workplace：

A： Youve asked me to modify a design draft over 10 times！ Youre so picky！

N@ d4u r3ng w6 g2ile sh！ bi3n sh-j# c2og2o le！ N@ zh8nshi t3i ti`oti le！

你都让我改了十遍设计草稿了！你真是太挑剔了！

B： Sorry. I am a Virgo， therefore a perfectionist.

B3oqi3n， w6 sh# Ch^n） Zu7， w1nm0izh^y#zh0.

抱歉，我是处女座，完美主义者。

The stars can also help shut down annoying questions or proposals：

A： Why arent you married yet？ You know， I can fix you up with somebody nice.

N@ z0nme h1i m9i ji9h$n？ Q！sh！ w6 k0y@ g0i n@ ji-sh3o ge h2odu#xi3ng.

你怎么还没结婚？其实我可以给你介绍个好对象。

B： Thanks， but the true love of an Aquarius is freedom.

Xi-xie， d3nsh# Shu@p！ng Zu7 de zh8n3i sh# z#y5u.

谢谢，但是水瓶座的真爱是自由。

Skepticism about astrology never vanishes. In case its not obvious， there is no scientific basis behind these stellar stereotypes； but even so， when conversing with the gullible， its easy to manipulate ones signs to suit ones own interests.

Try saying this in a job interview：

I am a Capricorn， so I am always hardworking.

W6 sh# M5ji9 Zu7， su6y@ w6 g4ngzu7 y！xi3ng f8ich1ng n^l#.

我是摩羯座，所以我工作一向非常努力。

Or on a first date， when discussing compatibility：

A： Family always comes first for us Cancers.

Du# w6men J&xi-; Zu7 l1i shu4， ji`t！ng y6ngyu2n sh# d# y～ w-i de.

对我们巨蟹座来说，家庭永远是第一位的。

B： Well， Im a Sagittarius. Though I wouldnt call myself a playboy， Im not really into a monotonous life.

Zu7w9i Sh-sh6u Zu7， su～r1n w6 b%sh# su6w-i de hu`hu` g4ngz@， d3n w6 qu-sh！ b% t3i x@huan n3zh6ng y# ch9ng b% bi3n de sh8nghu5.

作为射手座，虽然我不是所谓的花花公子，但我确实不太喜欢那种一成不变的生活。

When turning down an unwanted suitor， astrology is once again useful. Though it sounds extreme to reject someone based simply on their star sign， many people feel its kinder than giving out the real reason：

You are a good person， but an Aries and I are totally incompatible.

N@ r9n h0n h2o， d3nsh# w6 g8n B1iy1ng Zu7 w1nqu1n ch^bul1i.

你人很好，但是我跟白羊座完全處不来。

Usually， people can take a hint， but sometimes one may encounter really serious astrology experts who wont easily buy your astral mumbo-jumbo—thats OK， though， because the stars are nothing if not always ambiguous：

A： I dont think Aquariuses are all that free-spirited. Many of them really respect rules， and value order.

W6 r-nw9i Shu@p！ng Zu7 b& d4u n3me z#y5u s2nm3n. T`men d`ngzh4ng h0ndu4 r9n d4u z$nzh7ng gu～z9， ch5ngsh3ng zh#x&.

我認为水瓶座不都那么自由散漫。他们当中很多人都尊重规则，崇尚秩序。

B： Thats true， because the sun sign doesnt determine everything. People are also influenced by their moon and rising signs.

Qu-sh！ r%c@， y～nw-i t3iy1ng x～ngzu7 b#ng b&n9ng; ju9d#ng y！qi-. T`men h1i sh7u yu-liang x～ngzu7 h9 sh3ngsh8ng x～ngzu7 de y@ngxi2ng.

确实如此， 因为太阳星座并不能决定一切。他们还受月亮星座和上升星座的影响。

The trickiest group to deal with is the astrology haters， who may have been the unfortunate victims of bias， and even discrimination， due to their signs： a Virgo turned down for a job， after being labeled an intractable paranoid and control freak； a Gemini suspected of cheating on their spouse； a Scorpio scorned as a cold-blooded grudge holder； a Taurus called an emotionless miser…

When meeting someone who gets sniffy about any constellation-based talk， its good to prepare a path of retreat：

A： Astrology is complete nonsense！ I am a Leo， but when have I ever been arrogant， bossy， or self-centered？

X～ngzu7 w1nqu1n ji&shi; w%j～ zh～ t1n！ W6 sh# Sh～zi Zu7， d3n w6 sh9nme sh！hou 3om3n z#d3， y！zh@ q#sh@， y@ z#w6 w9i zh4ngx～n le？

星座完全就是无稽之谈！我是狮子座，但我什么时候傲慢自大、颐指气使、以自我为中心了？

B： Sure， Im a Pisces， but I dont spend all my time daydreaming， either！ Its just for fun， no one takes it seriously.

Sh# a， w6 sh# Shu`ngy% Zu7， y0 m9i ch9ngti`n ch9nm！ y% hu3nxi2ng a！ B%gu7 d3ji` ji&shi; shu4zhe w1n de， m9i r9n d3ngzh8n.

是啊，我是双鱼座，也没成天沉迷于幻想啊！不过大家就是说着玩的，没人当真。

One term， though， seems safe to use： 水逆 （shu@n#）， short for 水星逆行 （Shu@x～ng n#x！ng， Mercury in retrograde.） Feel free to blame 水逆 for anything unpleasant， since its the common enemy of all the signs.

A： It was the worst week of my life. Everything went wrong！

Zh- sh# w6 zu# d2om9i de y# zh4u le！ Sh9nme d4u b% sh&n;！

这是我最倒霉的一周了！什么都

不顺！

B： It must be caused by Mercurys retrograde. But this will end soon.

K0nd#ng sh# Shu@n# y@nq@ de. D3nsh# Shu@n# h0nku3i ji&y3o; ji9sh& le.

肯定是水逆引起的。但是水逆很快就要结束了。

And on social media， heres a phrase sure to uplift your friends and yourself：

Mercurys retrograde begone！

Shu@n# tu#s3n！

水逆退散！

A simple call to the stars can dispel bad luck and make or break your entire social life—like magic！ Or maybe its a sign…