石黑一雄笔下的“虚幻联系”

2018-03-12 19:34王伟滨
英语学习 2018年1期
关键词:班克斯黑一雄孩儿

王伟滨

2017年10月,瑞典学院(the Swedish Academy)传来消息,日裔英籍作家石黑一雄(Kazuo Ishiguro)获得诺贝尔文学奖(the Nobel Prize in Literature),评委会对其评价是:“who, in novels of great emotional force, has uncovered the abyss(深渊)beneath our illusory sense of connection with the world.”(在充满巨大情感力量的小说中,揭示出我们对于自己与世界联系的虚幻感知之下的深渊)。“Illusory sense of connection”这个说法可谓一语中的。我们如何定义自己,除了这种种“联系”,恐怕没有别的了;石黑一雄正是在这些“联系”上做足了文章。

在《浮世画家》(An Artist of the Floating World)中,老画家大野(Ono)正在被“世人如何评价自己”这件事困扰着——身为名画家,他拥有一批追随者,以“马首是瞻”的态度围绕左右,但他心里却充满惶惑。起因其实是二女儿的婚事:婚事若要成就,家庭背景必须经得起“婚姻侦探”的调查——这不是个比喻用法——而面对调查,画家开始“心虚”了。曾经的老师、同事、邻人,甚至学生,对自己究竟会是什么看法?平时的“一团和气”在关键时刻又会怎样?小说所描述的这一年多时间里(1948年10月到1950年6月),画家在“浮世”之上,奔走于各种与他曾经产生“联系”的人物之间,为加强可能的“正面联系”和修补可能的“负面联系”而疲于奔命。

其实,画家的“名声”原本还经得住考验——他的豪宅便是证明:“If on a sunny day you climb the steep path leading up from the little wooden bridge still referred to around here as ‘the Bridge of Hesitation, you will not have to walk far before the roof of my house becomes visible between the tops of two gingko(银杏)trees. Even if it did not occupy such a commanding position on the hill, the house would still stand out from all others nearby, so that as you come up the path, you may find yourself wondering what sort of wealthy man owns it.”1(这儿,有座当地人称作“犹豫之桥”的小木桥,过了小桥就是一条陡峭的小路,晴天里,你要是爬上这小路,走不多远,就会看到两棵银杏树掩映着的我家房顶。即使宅子不是建在山上那么显眼的位置,在一众房屋中它仍然是鹤立鸡群,你一踏上那小路,可能就会在心里问,什么样的有钱人才能拥有这样的宅子呢?)

在物质方面,画家不是个“富有”的人;他的“富有”在于品行和成就(“good character and achievement”),这栋豪宅正是他藉此得来。

前主人以“论德行卖”2 的方式,低价把宅子卖给画家,这让画家对自己的“德行”颇为自信。“There was surely much to admire in the idea of‘an auction(拍卖)of prestige... One wonders why things are not settled more often by such means. How so much more honourable is such a contest, in which ones moral conduct and achievement are brought as witnesses rather than the size of ones purse.”3(“论德行卖”的点子很值得赞赏……你不由会想,为什么不多用这种方式解决问题呢?如果以人们的品行和成就而不是钱包的大小来决定竞争的输赢,那不是道德得多吗?)

不过,那听起来有些抽象的“德行”也的确不易琢磨,说不定什么时候,“德行”就变成“污点”,“执著”变成“执拗”,“成就”变成“罪行”……就像那个在酒馆门口唱歌的傻子似的:曾经,也许人们会受到他的鼓舞,或至少认为他无益无害,但“世道”变了,他的“愚蠢”一下子凸显出来,于是便难以摆脱被人打倒在地的命运:“Hell only get beaten up again if he goes around singing those old ones.”4(他要是还唱着那些老歌四处转,就只会挨打。)

世易时移,如今画家的处境,像极了法国作家加缪的小说《局外人》(The Outsider)中那个在法庭上面对众人审判的莫尔索(Meursault)。虽然莫尔索平时一贯玩世不恭,如今又犯下殺人罪,而老画家却足以称得上“德高望重”,但是面对“审视”,特别是不同时间、不同场合的审视,二人几乎是同样的不堪一击:“The Prosecutor(公诉人)was then asked if he had any questions to put, and he answered loudly: ‘Certainly not! I have all I want. His tone and the look of triumph on his face, as he glanced at me, were so marked that I felt as I hadnt felt for ages. I had a foolish desire to burst into tears. For the first time Id realized how all these people loathed(憎恶)me.”5(公诉人被问,是否还有其他问题,他大声回答:“当然没有了!我想要的都有了。”他的语调,以及向我看过来时那满脸的胜利表情,让我感到好久都没有过的感受。我傻傻地想要号啕大哭。人生第一次,我认识到,这些人是多么讨厌我。)endprint

老画家因为与这个世界产生过那么复杂的“联系”而应接不暇,疲于奔命;这世上另有一种人,因为缺乏“联系”而痛苦挣扎。

《上海孤儿》(When We Were Orphans)中,班克斯是个孤儿,不过对于他来说,最重要的,不是别人要尊重他的“隐私”,不去触碰他“无父无母”的痛处——他竭力要说服自己,其实,自己与别的孩子并没有什么两样,大家不都是远离自己的父母吗——而是他能够被看做是个“正常人”,而不是“怪物”。“During even my earliest weeks at St. Dunstans, I do not believe I did anything to cause myself embarrassment. On my first day, for instance, I recall observing a mannerism(习惯,习气)many of the boys adopted when standing and talking—of tucking the right hand into a waistcoat(马甲)pocket and moving the left shoulder up and down in a kind of shrug to underline certain of their remarks. I distinctly remember reproducing this mannerism on that same first day with sufficient expertise that not a single of my fellows noticed anything odd or thought to make fun.”6(即使刚来圣邓斯坦的那几个星期里,我认为,我也没有做任何让自己难堪的事。比如,上学第一天,我就注意到,这里的许多男孩子在站着说话时,会有个特别的架势,右手插到马甲口袋里,不时耸一耸左肩膀,来强调他们说的某些话。我清楚地记得,在当天,我就学会相当老练地摆出这个架势,没有一个同学觉得有什么奇怪之处,或者想要拿我这架势开玩笑的。)

即使他人生的最大目标——找到失踪的父母——也并非全然出于“家庭之爱”,而是源自他对于“正常”的渴望。班克斯一心想要弄明白“well-connectedness”(拥有各种联系)究竟怎样才能做到,而这在朋友看来,简直是不可思议,因为,人们生来就有各种“联系”:“Oh,do knock it off, Banks. Its all just nonsense, theres nothing to analyze. One simply knows people. One has parents, uncles, family friends. I dont know what there is to be so puzzled about.”7(别开玩笑,班克斯。那都是瞎扯,没啥可分析的。人们就是认识好些人呗。人们都有父母、叔伯、亲戚朋友。我不知道这有什么可冥思苦想的。)

但班克斯并没有这些看似“理所当然”的“联系”。二十几年前,在上海,班克斯的父亲莫名失踪,母亲也随后消失,他与这个世界的“联系”几乎因此而终结。在他看来,重新找回“联系”,必须修补历史。二十几年后,他终于成为一名侦探,他要解决的这最重要一案,便是“父母失踪案”。班克斯认为,自己生活中的所有问题,性格中的所有缺陷,都是童年时的那件不幸造成的,而挽救一切的钥匙,就是找到被绑架的父母。他坚信,在上海一条街道的尽头,那栋神秘房子里,父母仍然被困,仍然在期盼他去解救——虽然二十多年已经过去。于是,在枪林弹雨的上海,他开始了他的行程……

在故事的结尾,班克斯这样写道,“For those like us, our fate is to face the world as orphans, chasing through long years the shadows of vanished(消失的)parents. There is nothing for it but to try and see through our missions to the end, as best we can, for until we do so, we will be permitted no calm.”8(我們这些人,注定要像孤儿似地面对这个世界,在飞逝而去的岁月里,追寻消失的父母的影子。别无他法,我们只能尽力完成这使命,不如此,我们不得平静。)

不过,大多数时候,我们也许是介于大野与班克斯之间——“联系”不多,也并非少得可怜,有时候,也许因为某些特殊原因,我们的“联系”还能让我们小小地“自豪”一下,就像《别让我走》(Never Let Me Go)里的凯西·H.:“And Im a Hailsham student—which is enough by itself sometimes to get peoples backs up. Kathy H., they say, she gets to pick and choose, and she always chooses her own kind: people from Hailsham, or one of the other privileged estates. No wonder she has a great record.”9(我是孩儿山的学生,仅凭这一点,有时候就可以让人们肃然起敬。他们说,凯西·H.,她可以挑挑拣拣,她总是选自己人:孩儿山或者别的好地方的人。怪不得她业绩这么出色呢。)

孩儿山,对于孩子们来说,是个美丽的梦,即便那里也曾经发生过可怕的事情——像其他地方一样——他们都已不记得了;他们只记得,那里,那时,一切曾经多么美好。endprint

“There have been times over the years when Ive tried to leave Hailsham behind, when Ive told myself I shouldnt look back so much. But then there came a point when I just stopped resisting. It had to do with this particular donor I had once, in my third year as a carer; it was his reaction when I mentioned I was from Hailsham. Hed just come through his third donation, it hadnt gone well, and he must have known he wasnt going to make it. He could hardly breathe, but he looked towards me and said: ‘Hailsham. I bet that was a beautiful place... And I realized then how desperately he didnt want reminded. Instead, he wanted to hear about Hailsham.”(这些年来,许多次,我想要去忘掉孩儿山,我告诉自己别总是向后看。但后来,我就不再抗拒了。那肯定是因为在我当看护的第三个年头时遇到的一个捐献者,因为我提及我来自孩儿山的时候他的反应。那时他刚做了第三次器官捐献,情况很不好,他一定知道自己撑不过去了。他呼吸都困难了,但是他看着我,说:“孩儿山,那肯定是个美丽的地方……”我明白,他多么不想记起自己的童年;他只想听我说孩儿山。)

回忆,从来就不是单独存在于回忆者脑海之中,它们总因为他人的一遍遍提起,而一遍遍成为“现实”;最终,谁也无法分清想象与真实的界限。不正是这样吗?在一遍遍讲述中,就连讲述者自己也被自己编织的那个美丽故事说服了;于是,真与假,虚幻与现实,全然无法分别。正是在这重重的催眠与自我催眠之中,人们得以与这个世界和解。“He knew he was close to completing and so thats what he was doing: getting me to describe things to him, so theyd really sink in, so that maybe during those sleepless nights, with the drugs and the pain and the exhaustion, the line would blur between what were my memories and what were his. That was when I first understood, really understood, just how lucky wed been—Tommy, Ruth, me, and all the rest of us.”10(他知道自己快要完结了,所以,他就只做这件事:让我给他描述孩儿山的事,让这些事印入到他的脑海里,在那些无眠的夜晚,在药物、疼痛、疲倦的夹攻之下,我的记忆与他的记忆之间的界限变得模糊。就在那時,我第一次懂得,真正懂得,我们曾经多么幸运——汤米、露丝、我,还有我们那儿别的孩子们。)

别人渴望着凯西的生活,而凯西又何尝不是生活在别人为她编织的梦境里呢?梦醒时,孩儿山不过是一家“器官牧场”,那里的孩子们与其他此类“牧场”的孩子们并没有不同的意义——都是待宰的羔羊。那表面上看来的“选择”、“优待”,实际上是没得选择,不论是“看护”还是“捐献者”,所做的其实都是同一件事——为“真正的人”提供备用器官……

不管怎样,我们总会生活在这种种“联系”之中,或快乐,或忧伤,或焦躁,或悠闲,或看破红尘,或执迷不悟……无论如何,这就是生活吧。

1. Kazuo Ishiguro, An Artist of the Floating World. Vintage International. 1989. P. 7.

2. 译文“论德行卖”,套用成语“论功行赏”,读作“论德,行卖”,与后文“德行”不同,特此说明。

3. Ibid. P. 10.

4. Ibid. P. 60.

5. Albert Camus, The Outsider. Penguin Books. 1961. P. 91.

6. Kazuo Ishiguro, When We Were Orphans. Faber and Faber, 2000. P. 7.

7. Ibid. P. 6.

8. Ibid. P. 313.

9. Kazuo Ishiguro, Never Let Me Go. Ch. 1. 引自kindle版,无页码,故只标章节。

10. Ibid.endprint

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