致我不那么完美的妈妈

DearMom，

Ive seen you screaming at your kids in public. Ive seen you ignoring them at the playground. Ive seen you unshowered and wearing lastnightspajamapantsatpreschooldrop！off.

Ive seen you running around with your kids， getting dirty and occasionally swearing when you bangedaknee.

Ive seen you wiping your kidsboogers with your bare palm， and then smearing them on the backofyourjeans.

Ive also seen you gritting your teeth while your kid screamed at you for making him practice piano，orsoccerorwhateveritwas.

Ive seen you close your eyes and breathe slowly afterfindingagallonofmilkdumpedintoyourtrunk.

Ive seen you crying into the sink while you desperatelyscrubcrayonoffyourbestdesignerpurse.

Iveseenalotofyou，actually.

I dontknow ifyou planned tobe a parent or not. I dontknowifitmeetsyourexpectations.

I know that when you look at your child or your children， you see yourself. And I know that you dont， that you see a stranger who cant understand why the small details of childhood that were so important to you areabothertothissmallpersonwhoresemblesyou.

I know that you want to throw a lamp at your teenagers head sometimes. I know you want to toss yourchildoutthewindowonceinawhile.

I know that some nights， once its finally quiet， you curl up in bed and cry. I know that sometimes， you dont，eventhoughyouwantedto.

I know that some days are so hard that all you want is for them to end， and then at bedtime your children hug you and kiss you and tell you how much they love you and want to be like you， and you wish the daycouldlastforever.

But it never does. The day always ends， and the next day brings new challenges. Fevers， heartbreak， new friends， new pets， new fights， and every day you do whatyouneedtodo.

You take care of things， because thats your job. You go to work， or you climb into the garden， or strap the baby to your back and pull out the vacuum cleaner.

I know you didnt expect most of this. I know you didnt anticipate loving somebody so intensely， or loathing your post！baby body so much， or being so tired orbeingthemomyouveturnedouttobe.

Youre not a perfect mom， no matter how you try， nomatterwhatyoudo.

You will never be a perfect mom. And maybe that haunts you. Or maybe youve made peace with it. Or maybeitwasneveraproblemtobeginwith.

No matter how much you do， there is always more. No matter how little you do， when the day is over， your children are still loved. They still smile at you， believing you have magical powers to fix almost anything.

No matter what happened at work， or at school， or in playgroup， you have still done everything in your power to ensure that the next morningwilldawnandyour children will be as happy， healthy， andwiseascouldpossiblybehoped.

Unfortunately， there are no perfect parents. Your kids will grow up determined to be different than you. They will grow up certain that they wont make their kids take piano lessons， or theyll be more lenient，ormorestrict.

No matter how far from perfect you are， you are betterthanyouthink.

No matter how many doubts you might have， you never need doubt this one thing： you are not perfect. And thats good. Because really， neither is your child. And that means nobody can care for them the way you can， with the wealth of your understanding and your experience.

And since no mother is perfect， chances are that you are caught in a two billion way tie for Best Mom in the World. Congratulations， Best Mom in the World. Yourenotperfect.Youareasgoodasanybodycanget. Withlove， Lea

亲爱的妈妈：

我见过你当众对孩子们大喊大叫，见过你在操场上对他们置之不理，见过你没有洗漱、穿着昨晚的睡衣和睡裤出现在幼儿园的校车停靠处。

我见过你追着孩子们到处跑，浑身弄得脏兮兮，而且当你撞到膝盖的时候偶尔还会骂上几句。

我见过你直接用手擦掉孩子们的鼻屎，然后把它们抹到自己的牛仔裤后面。

我还见过孩子因为你逼着他练钢琴、足球或者无论什么东西而冲你尖叫的时候，你会咬牙切齿。

我见过你发现车的后备厢里倒入将近四升牛奶的时候，会闭上眼睛深呼吸。

我见过你绝望地想要擦去你最好的名牌钱包上的蜡笔印的时候，会在水槽边哭泣。

事实上，我见过你很多样子。

我不知道你此前是否做好了为人母的准备。我不知道现在这些是否符合你的预期。

我知道，当你看着孩子时，你看到了自己。我知道你又看不到自己，你看到了一个陌生人，他不理解为什么那些对你来说非常重要的童年的小细节，对这个非常像你的小人儿来说却是一个麻烦。

我知道你有些时候想朝你那已经十几岁的孩子头上扔台灯。我知道你有些时候也想把你的孩子扔到窗户外面去。

我知道有些夜晚，一旦一切终于安静下来，你会蜷缩在床上哭泣。我也知道有的时候，你不会那么做，即使你曾想那么做。

我知道有些日子是那么艰难，以至于你只想结束一切。然而等到了上床睡觉的时间，你的孩子们拥抱你，亲吻你，并且告诉你他们有多爱你而且想变得和你一样时，你又希望这一天可以持续到永远。

但是，它从未持续到永远。这一天总会结束，新的一天又带来新的挑战。发烧、悲伤、新的朋友、新的宠物、新的争吵，每一天你都在做你必须做的事。

你打理一切，因为那是你的工作。你去上班，或是翻进花园，或者把宝宝绑在背上，然后拽出真空吸尘器干活。

我知道这些事你大多都没有预料到。我知道你没有预料到会如此强烈地爱某个人，或者如此强烈地厌恶你产后的身体，或者预料到会这么累，或者最终会成为现在这样的母亲。

你不是一个完美的母亲。无论你如何努力，无论你做什么，都是如此。

你永远都不会成为一个完美的母亲，或许这使你困扰，或许你平静地接受了它，又或许它从未成为一个问题。

就算你做再多，也永远有更多的事情等着你。无论你做再少，当一天结束时，你的孩子们依旧被人深爱。他们依旧向你微笑，相信你拥有摆平几乎一切的魔法。

无论在工作中，在学校里，在早教游戏课上发生了什么，你依旧拼尽全力，确保下个黎明来临时，你的孩子们会像你希望的那样快乐、健康、聪明。

不幸的是，世上没有完美的父母。你的孩子们将会长大成人，一心想要变得和你不一样。他们会长大而且绝对不会强迫他们的孩子上钢琴课，或者他们将会更宽容，又或者更严格。

无论你离完美有多远，你都比你想象的要好。

无论你可能会有多少疑惑，你永远不需要怀疑这件事：你并不完美。这很好，因为实际上，你的孩子也不完美。這意味着没有人可以像你那样照顾他们，像你那样有如此多的宽容和经验。

既然没有一位妈妈是完美的，那你就可以在“世上最好的妈妈”大赛中和所有的妈妈打成平局。祝贺你，“世上最好的妈妈”。你并不完美，你和任何人能做到的一样好。

爱你的莉亚