My Diary

张造云

November 3rd， 2016 Thursday Sunny

Last Friday， when I went home I saw our stairs were dirty. “Is Mum at home？” I said to myself. I knocked at the door， but no one answer①.

I took out my key and opened the door. I saw a piece of paper on the table.

“Hi， Lotus！Im going to visit your grandmother. I will go by bus. I will come back in two days. You are 15 years old， arent you？ Cook for yourself and take care of your sister. Mum.”

Why not take us to go together？ I rang my mother. “This time it is not a travel. I am visiting your grandmother in hospital. You are busy in study. Maybe next time I will take you two.”

“Is grandmother in hospital？ Why not tell me about it？” I was a bit unhappy.

“You will finish junior study. I hope you will get better grades.” Mum said.

“Grandmother is more important than my study. I love Grandma！” I cried.

Mum has been in hospital. I said many words to my grandmother on phone. Next time， I visit② my grandma together with my sister.

At③ Friday night， I cleaned the stairs. When my neighbor uncle Li came home， he said I was a good girl. I gave him a dirty look because he never cleans the stairs！

湖南省永州市冷水灘区竹山桥学校九年级 屈玉莲

点评

1. 优点：

这是一篇小作者的日记，记录生活，情感真挚，把日常生活中的小事写得饶有趣味。

2. 需要修改的地方：

①answer改为answered。要保持前后时态的一致性。

②visit改为will visit。next time（下一次）是表将来的时间状语，对应用将来时态的动词形式。注意：前面行文中出现了next time，且用对了时态，后面行文中却写错了时态，说明写作过程中存在粗心大意。

③At改为On。在英语中，具体到某个星期几的晚上，用介词on。

3. 评分：

按湖南省永州市中考英语作文满分15分的评分标准，本文修改前可得13分。