We Had a Happy Weekend

2015-05-04 00:07张造云
中学生英语·阅读与写作 2015年4期
关键词:冷水滩区永州市钓鱼

【栏目要求】

1. 将学生习作根据中考分值给出成绩; 2. 在应该修改的地方划线并标注序号;

3. 根据所标序号进行修改并说明修改的理由; 4. 给学生习作点评<优点与不足>;

5. 请点评名师提供简历一份,包括:学校、职务、 职称、荣誉、教研教学成果、照片一张。

来稿请寄: 430079 华中师范大学外国语学院《中学生英语》 杂志社 初中部 收

张造云 男,任教于湖南省永州市冷水滩区竹山桥学校,中学一级教师,主导校本英语教材研究,不断深入英语教研教改,主持校本课改专题《初中生听说读写导学案教学》,有多篇论文在国家级省级发表和获奖,辅导学生双语写作多次获一等奖。教学论文《中学生英语写作模式初探》2013年9月发表在《教师》杂志上,引起强烈反响。

We Had a Happy Weekend

Last weekend I went to the river for fishing with my cousin. It was a small river. We sat on the river beach and waited for the fish. Hu Dong is two years older than I and he is my cousin. He had two fish but I had none.

“Why doesnt fish come to my hook?” I asked Hu Dong. “Youre too anxious to get fish. Take it easy and relax yourself,” he said.

So I took out a story book and read it. After a while, my cousin said to me, “Your hook moves①, and youll get it,” he smiled.

I picked up my fishing rod, then I got a fish. It was one and a half kilogram②.

I think my cousin is cleverer than I. He was so patient and clever that he could get more fish. I only got one fish that weekend, but I was very happy. It made me learn that I should be more patient.

湖南省永州市冷水滩区竹山桥学校八(59)班 胡贤鹏

1. 优点:

小作者将周末钓鱼写得生动有趣,钓鱼的过程有详有略,让人如临其境,文章结尾点出钓鱼需要耐心的道理。全文生动流畅,又蕴含哲理,是一篇不错的学生习作。

2. 需要修改的地方:

①moves改为is moving。根据上下文来判断,用现在进行时表示鱼儿正上钩。

②kilogram改为kilograms。One and a half的意思是1.5,kilogram (公斤)用复数形式。

3. 评分:

按湖南省永州市中考英语作文满分10分的评分标准,本文修改前可得9分。

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