被拒之后……

哈利·波特曾经被拒绝，贝拉和爱德华也一样。如果作家J·K·罗琳和斯蒂芬妮·梅尔不试着联系一家又一家的出版社，我们就会错过几段精彩的大冒险。

人生在世，总要有所追求。在追求的过程中，被拒绝是常有的事。

大事小事，被距总受伤

被拒绝的不一定是大事，如没考进顶尖大学或没有被邀请参加舞会。日常生活也可以让人产生被拒绝的感觉，比如你讲的笑话没能引起笑声，吃午饭时没有人记得帮你留位，或者你很喜欢的人跟所有人聊天，就是不理你之类的。

然而被拒绝不代表一个人不受欢迎、不被重视或不重要。这只说明就此一次，你与某人在某一种情况下进展得不顺利罢了。

虽然被拒绝并不好受，但这是无法避免的。过于害怕被拒绝的人也许会对他们追求的事物戛然止步。没错，他们避免了被拒绝，但这样做必定会错过他们所追求、但没有尝试去获得的东西。

如何应对

被拒绝之后，我们处理得越妥当，它对我们的影响就越小。怎样培养应对能力呢？以下是一些建议：

诚实面对

妥善处理被拒绝要从两件事情着手：你的感受和你的想法。

让我们先从感受开始：如果被拒绝了，就向自己承认这个事实吧。不要对伤痛置之不理或假装若无其事。不要想“我不应该有这种感觉”，在你的处境下，有这样的感觉是很正常的。

留心观察你的受挫感有多强烈。这次被拒绝让你非常难过吗？或者只有一点点不快？如果想哭就哭吧——这是一种释放情绪的自然方法。

接着说出你的感觉。例如：“校园剧没有选上我，我真的很失望。我很渴望得到角色，也很努力去尝试。我觉得自己被落下了，因为朋友们都选上了，唯独我没有。”

告诉别人发生了什么事情以及自己的感受吧，如果你希望这样做的话。向那些愿意聆听并支持你的人倾诉一下。

保持乐观

在面对被拒绝这类痛苦的情感时，人们很容易陷入消极状态。但老想着消极的事情就像让人一次又一次地经历伤心事。这不仅难受，也令人更难摆脱被拒绝的困境。

所以承认自己的真实感受吧，但不要老想着它。避免整天谈论或想起这件事情。为什么？因为消极的想法会影响我们的预期以及行动。这样当然会打击人们再次尝试（的热情）。

聆听自己的心声

接下来要看看你的想法：想一下你是如何向自己解释这次被拒绝的事实的。你是否对自己太过严厉？有“为什么会这样？”的想法很正常。在向自己作出解释时，注意只讲事实。

告诉自己：“我邀请别人去舞会但被拒绝了，因为那个人不想跟我去。”别对自己说：“我被拒绝是因为我不够吸引力”或“我真失败”。这些都不是事实。这类贬低性想法一旦开始钻进你的脑袋，要马上把它们扑灭。

自责或贬低性的想法会夸大我们的缺点，让我们相信那些不真实的事情。如果由于被拒绝而开始责备或贬低自己，你可能会觉得自己永远都会被拒绝。像“永远没有人会和我约会”或“没有人会喜欢我”等想法将一次普通的拒绝放大到灾难性的层面。被拒绝不好受，也可能让人失望透顶，但这不是世界末日。

正确对待事物

对自己说：“好吧，这次我被拒绝了，也许下一次我会得到肯定的答案呢。”

想想你擅长的东西和自己的优点。回想别人接受你、对你说“好的”时的情景。想想喜欢并支持你的人。

表扬自己曾经尝试过。你作出过尝试——好样的。提醒自己你能够直面拒绝。虽然现在被拒绝了，但还有另一个机会，下一次时机。达观一点：有些事情就是特别莫名其妙。

变劣势为优势

被拒绝是一个机会，让我们思考是否要采取一些措施。想想是否有进步的空间，或者你的目标是否超出你的能力。

如果这次你的能力不足，也许你要在比赛、学习或任何有助于下次成功的事情上加把劲。将被拒绝当成是自我提升的机会。

有时候，被拒绝就是让人面对现实的残酷警钟。但如果你处理得当，它能帮你找到一个新的方向，你也许会发现这个方向最适合发展自己的才能、个性以及各种长处。

Harry Potter was rejected. So were Bella and Edward. If authors J.K. Rowling and Stephenie Meyer hadnt kept trying with publisher after publisher， wed all have missed out on some great adventures.

Life is about going for things. And when we do， rejection is always a possibility.

Big or Small， Rejection Affects Us All

Rejection doesnt have to be about the big stuff like not getting into your top college， or not getting asked to prom[班级舞会]. Everyday situations can lead to feelings of rejection， too， like if your joke didnt get a laugh， if no one remembered to save you a seat at the lunch table， or if the person you really like talks to everyone but you.

But being rejected doesnt mean someone isnt liked， valued， or important. It just means that one time， in one situation， with one person， things didnt work out.

Rejection hurts. But its impossible to avoid it altogether. People who become too afraid of rejection might hold back from going after something they want. Sure， they avoid rejection， but theyre also 100% guaranteed to miss out on what they want but wont try for.

How to Cope

The better we get at dealing with rejection， the less it affects us. So how can you build that ability to cope？ Here are some ideas：

Be Honest

Coping well with rejection involves working with two things： how you feel and what you think.

Lets start with feelings： If you get rejected， acknowledge[承认] it to yourself. Dont try to brush off[刷掉，漠视] the hurt or pretend its not painful. Instead of thinking “I shouldnt feel this way，” think about how normal it is to feel like you do， given your situation.

Notice how intense your feelings are. Did this rejection upset you a lot？ Or just a little？ Cry if you want to—its a natural way to release emotion.

Now， move on to name what youre feeling. For example： “I feel really disappointed that I didnt get chosen for the school play. I wanted it so badly， and I tried so hard. I feel left out because my friends made it and I didnt” .

If you want， tell someone else what happened and how you feel about it. Pick someone who will listen and be supportive.

Be Positive[积极的]

When youre dealing with a painful emotion like rejection， its easy to get caught up in the bad feeling. But dwelling on[老是想着] the negative[消极的] stuff can feel like living the experience over and over again. Not only does it keep hurting， it becomes harder to get past the rejection.

So admit how you feel but dont dwell on it. Avoid talking or thinking about it nonstop. Why？ Negative thinking influences our expectations and how we act. It certainly doesnt inspire a person to try again.

Examine Your Thought Soundtrack[在头脑里一直响起的声音]

Now on to what you think： consider how youre explaining the rejection to yourself. Are you being too hard on yourself？ Its natural to wonder， “Why did this happen？” When you give yourself an explanation， be careful to stick to the facts.

Tell yourself： “I got turned down for prom because the person didnt want to go with me.” Dont tell yourself：“I got turned down because Im not attractive” or “Im such a loser.” These arent facts. If put-down[贬低，贬损] thoughts like these start creeping into your mind， shut them down.

Self-blaming or put-down thinking can exaggerate[夸大] our faults and lead us to believe stuff that simply isnt true. If you start blaming yourself for the rejection or put yourself down， you can start believing youll always be rejected. Thoughts like， “Ill never get a date” or “no one will ever like me” amplify[放大] a simple rejection to disaster level. Rejection can hurt a lot and can be terribly disappointing， but its not the end of the world. Keep Things in Perspective[正确地]

Tell yourself：“Okay， so I got rejected this time.Maybe next time Ill get a ‘yes. ”

Think about what youre good at and whats good about you. Remember times when youve been accepted， when someone told you “yes.” Think of all the people who like you and support you.

Give yourself credit[赞扬] for trying. You took a risk—good for you. Remind yourself that you can handle the rejection. Even though you were turned down now， there will be another opportunity， another time. Get philosophical[达观的]： Sometimes things happen for reasons we dont always understand.

Use Rejection to Your Advantage

A rejection is a chance to consider if there are things we can work on. Think about whether theres room for improvement or if your goals were higher than your skills.

If your skills werent strong enough this time， maybe you need to work on your game， your studies， or whatever it takes to improve your chances of getting accepted next time. Use the rejection as an opportunity for self-improvement.

Sometimes a rejection is a hard reality check[提醒人面对现实的事件]. But if you approach[动手处理] it right， it could help nudge[轻推] you in a direction that turns out to be the perfect fit for your talents， personality， and all the great things that make you who you are.