俏皮话集锦

贺韬

1. Why do people say “no offense” right before theyre about to offend1 you？

为什么人们在冒犯别人前都要先说一句“无意冒犯”？

2. My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner2 peace is to finish what I start. So far

Ive finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.

我的理疗师告诉我，要想达到真正的内心的平和，就需要把未完成的事情都解决掉。所

以我就解决掉了两袋M&M巧克力豆和一个巧克力蛋糕，现在感觉好多了。

3. Always borrow money from a pessimist3. He wont expect it back.

要借钱就向悲观主义者借吧，因为他们不指望你会还。

4. Nothing is more terrible than that moment during an argument when you realize youre

wrong.

没有什么比正在争论时突然发现自己是错的感觉更糟糕了。

5. By all means， marry. If you get a good wife， youll become happy； if you get a bad one，

youll become a philosopher4.

无论如何，婚还是要结的。如果你找到个好妻子，你会生活得很快乐；如果找到个不好

的，你会成为一个哲学家。

6. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful

woman is one who can find such a man.

一个成功的男人就是赚的钱要比老婆花的钱多；而一个成功的女人就是找到这样一个

男人。

7. If you steal from one author， its plagiarism； if you steal from many， its research.

抄袭一个作家，那是剽窃；抄袭很多个作家，那是研究。

8. If you think nobody cares if youre alive， try missing a couple of car payments5.

如果你觉得根本没人在乎你的死活，可以试一试几个月不还车贷。

9. I didnt fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian6.

我拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端，可不是为了成为一个素食者。