校园婚姻？爱没那么简单！

by Stephanie Steinberg

While most college students are hooking up on the dance floor or checking each other out by scrolling through Facebook profile pictures， a small number of students are doing something really counter-cultural—theyre getting married before they graduate.

Marrying as an undergrad is like putting a“scarlet M on your forehead，” said Bradford Wilcox， director of The Marriage Project， which studies marriages in America at the University of Virginia.

Peter Nesbitt， 20， proposed to Lane Ritchie， 19， in the park earlier this month. The third-year University of Michigan students have decided to get married in less than two months.

The couple， who have dated since freshman year of high school， is more excited to spend the rest of their college days—and lives—together than they are worried about planning a backyard wedding that will be held after the first week of classes in September.

The average national age of marriage is 28， according to the National Center for Educational Statistics， and experts say planning a wedding while still taking finals and cheering at football games is going against the 1）norm.

Out of 20，928 undergraduates surveyed by the National Center for Education Statistics in 2008， about 18% reported they were married.

While there are various reasons why college sweethearts decide to 2）tie the knot， one thing is for sure： Married students face more challenges than they did in the past.

Its financially more difficult for married students today than just five years ago， said Kelly Roberts， a marriage and family 3）therapist and clinical instructor at Oklahoma State University. She cited the 4）decreasing number of student loans available and married students taking on more jobs to cover expenses.

“Students are not just juggling one job to try to make ends meet， but theyre juggling two，” she said.

For any couple， Roberts recommends waiting at least six months from the engagement announcement to the wedding， just so couples are certain theyre making the right move.

Andy and Brittany Hudson were engaged for 14 months， but Andy Hudson said he would have married his wife sooner if she wasnt finishing her masters at Southern Illinois University.

“You just find the person you love and want to spend the rest of your life with them，” he said.

But promising to take care of someone for better or worse might get in the way of a typical college experience.

At Oklahoma State University， approximately 7% of the 18，541 undergraduates were married in 2010. Kami Schwerdtfeger， an OSU assistant professor of marriage and family therapy， said some of these students find adulthood， which can mean paying bills and keeping up a home， can“5）butt heads” with 6）adolescence—attending parties， staying out late with friends.

Mark Regnerus， an associate professor of sociology at the University of Texas， explained that married college students are forced to “grow up pretty quickly.”

“You have to mature and take on a new role，” he said. “Its not only your schoolwork that youre tending to， but its also tending to your marriage.”

Harvard University senior Chris Jackson married Leah Cogan， a senior at Brown University， on July 1. Before getting married， Jackson said he found it difficult to balance school and his relationship with Cogan， who was about an hour long train ride away.

“Ideally， youd have all your work done during the week so we could hang out during the weekend， but it didnt usually work out that way，” he said.

Though all marriages are 7）vulnerable in the first few years， experts say people who marry at age 21 or younger are more 8）susceptible to divorce.

“The longer you can wait to get married up to 9）approximately age 30， the greater your chances are at having a successful and stable committed relationship stay intact，” Roberts said.

Kate and Paul Bowers got married before their senior year at the University of South Carolina and celebrated their first anniversary last month. Kate Bowers said she appreciates the “smaller moments” of married life—like grocery shopping together—which they didnt experience when dating.

Paul Bowers， who started a blog called Married in College， said he didnt miss out on anything by becoming a husband as an undergrad.

Though the Bowers are confident theyll be together forever， the average divorce or separation rate for a couple marrying for the first time is 40% to 50%， according to the 2010 State of Our Unions report by the National Marriage Project. Wilcox said financial trouble is a leading cause of marital distress and divorce， which could pose problems for married college students 10）accruing debt from student loans.

Society expects people to go to college， get a job and then get married， he said. Research also supports the position that the best age to wed is in the mid- to upper-20s， he added.

“Its at that point when you can really form a common life together，” Wilcox said.

Regnerus added that parents and peers“suspect theres no way you could possibly know what you want at age 20 or 21.”

当大多数大学生还在舞池上相互“勾搭”，或者翻动脸谱网上的档案图片来相互了解时，有一小部分学生却正干着一些冲击文化的事——他们准备在大学毕业前结婚。

念本科时结婚就像是将一个“红字‘M刻在额头上”，布拉德福·威尔科克斯说，他是维吉尼亚大学一个研究美国人婚姻状况的专项“婚姻项目”的主管。

本月早些时候，二十岁的彼得·内斯比特在公园里向十九岁的琳恩·里奇求了婚。这两位密歇根大学的三年级生已经决定在两个月内完婚。

这两口子，从高中一年级起就开始交往。他们对于将要共同生活，共度大学剩余时光这一点感到兴奋，虽然9月开课后第一周就要举行“后院婚礼”，但两人不甚担忧。

根据美国教育统计中心数据显示，美国全国的平均结婚年龄为28岁。专家称，以仍在求学、为足球比赛打气的年纪去计划婚礼有违常规。

2008年，美国教育统计中心对20，928名本科生进行了调查，报告称其中有18%的人已经成婚。

大学情侣选择共结连理的原因很多，但有一点是肯定的：相比以往，已婚学生所面对的挑战更多了。

比起五年前，如今的已婚学生所面临的财政问题更加严峻，俄克拉荷马州立大学的婚姻与家庭临床医学家、临床讲师凯利·罗伯茨如是说。她引出相关数据，显示学生贷款数额减少，已婚学生需要干更多的兼职来支付开支。

“已婚学生并不只是打一份工来维持开支，而是两份，”她说道。

对任何情侣来说，罗伯茨建议宣布订婚后至少等六个月，再考虑真正结婚，以保证自己做的是正确的决定。

安迪和布莱特妮·哈德森已经订婚14个月了，但安迪·哈德森说若不是布莱特妮正在南伊利诺斯大学完成硕士学位课程，他早就已经迎娶她了。

“你恰好找到了那个你爱的人，想与他们共度余生，”他说道。

但承诺无论顺境逆境都照顾某人，这一点可能会妨碍常规的大学体验。

2010年，俄克拉荷马州立大学的18，541名本科生中约有7%已婚。卡米·舒维德菲格是该大学的一位婚姻与家庭治疗副教授，他说这些学生中有一部分人发现成人责任（可能意味着支付账单和维持家庭）会与青春生活（参加派对，与朋友在外面泡到深夜）相冲突。

马克·利格鲁斯是德克萨斯大学的一位社会学副教授，他解释说，已婚大学生被迫“迅速成长起来”。

“你得成熟起来，担当起新的角色，”他说道，“你要关注的不光是学业，而且还有你的婚姻。”

哈佛大学大四学生克里斯·杰克逊与布朗大学的大四学生利亚·哥根在7月1日结了婚。在结婚前，杰克逊说他发现要平衡学业与哥根的恋爱关系很困难，哥根住在一小时车程外的地方。

“理想化来说，你得在工作日将所有的功课都完成以便我们可以在周末相聚，但情况通常都不是这么理想的。”他说道。

虽然所有的婚姻在最初的几年都会很脆弱，但专家说在21岁或更小的年纪结婚的人更容易离婚。

“你的结婚年龄推迟得越久，到接近30岁，你拥有一段成功、稳定、忠诚的婚姻的几率就越大，”罗伯茨说。

凯特和保罗·鲍沃斯在他们就读南卡罗来纳大学大四前就结了婚。上个月，他们庆祝了第一年的结婚纪念日。凯特·鲍沃斯说，她享受婚姻生活中“更细碎的时刻”——例如一起购物，这是他们在谈恋爱的时候不会做的事。

保罗·鲍沃斯创建了一个名为“大学结婚族”的博客，他说，就读大学本科期间结婚并没有使他错过任何好事。

虽然鲍沃斯夫妇自信他们会白头到老，但据全国婚姻项目所做的“2010年婚姻年度报告”显示，初次结婚的夫妇的平均离婚率或分居率是40%到50%。威尔科克斯说财政问题是导致婚姻不幸和离婚的主导因素，这会给已扛上学生贷款负担的已婚大学生带来更多烦恼。

社会专家希望人们上大学、找工作然后再结婚，威尔科克斯说。研究也支持最佳结婚年龄为25岁以上这一观点，他补充道。

“那个时候你们才可以真正一起构建一种共同的生活，”威尔科克斯说。

利格鲁斯补充说，家长和同伴们“都有所疑惑：在你20或者21岁的时候，你根本不可能清楚自己想要的是什么”。