幽默放送

相同的职责

一个退休的四星级将军在曼哈顿的一个酒吧偶然地遇到了他以前的勤务兵，勤务兵也退休在家。这位将军花了一整个晚上的时间来说服他回来做他的贴身随从。“你的职责与在军队时完全一样，”将军说，“这没什么，你很快就会再次理解它的。”

第二天早晨8点钟时，前勤务兵迅速地进到前将军的卧室，拉开窗帘，轻轻地摇了摇将军，然后大步走到床的另一侧，在他雇主的妻子屁股上拍了一下，说道：“好了，甜心，你该回到村庄去了。”

The Same Duties

A retired four-star general ran into his former orderly, also retired, in a Manhattan bar and spent the rest of the evening persuading him to come work for him as his valet. "Your duties will be exactly the same as they were in the army," the general said. "Nothing to it-you'll catch on again fast."

Next morning promptly at eight o'clock, the ex-orderly entered the ex-general's bedroom, pulled open the drapes, gave the general a gentle shake, strode around the other side of the bed, spanked his employer's wife on her bottom and said, "OK, sweetheart, it's back to the village for you."

最好的奖赏

一名海军军官从甲板上掉入海中,他被一名甲板水手救起。这位军官问如何才能酬谢他。

“最好的办法，长官，”这名水手说，“是别声张这事。如果其他人知道我救了您，他们会把我扔下去的。”

Best Reward

A naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The officer asked how he could reward him.

"The best way, sir," said the deck hand, "is to say nothing about it. If the other fellows knew I'd pulled you out, they'd chuck me in."

大五个月

第二次世界大战开始了，约翰想参军，可他只有16岁，当时规定男孩到18岁才能入伍。所以军医给他进行体检时，他说他已经18岁了。

可约翰的哥哥刚入伍没几天，而且也是这个军医给他做的检查。这位医生还记得他哥哥的姓,所以当他看到约翰的表格时，感到非常惊奇。

“你多大了？”军医问。

“18，长官。”约翰说。

“可你的哥哥也是18岁，你们是双胞胎吗？”

约翰脸红了，说：“哦，不是，长官，我哥哥比我大5个月。”

Five Months Older

The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.

But John's brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy's family name, so when he saw John's papers, he was surprised.

"How old are you?" he said.

"Eighteen, sir," said John.

"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"

"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."

慎重许愿

一对结婚25周年的夫妻在庆祝他们60岁的生日,他们恰好在同一天出生。 庆祝活动中，一位仙女出现了。她说，由于他们是已经结婚25年的恩爱夫妻，因此她许给这对夫妻每个人一个愿望。

妻子想周游世界。仙女招了招手。“嘭”的一声，她的手中出现了一张票。

接下来该丈夫许愿了。他犹豫片刻，害羞地说，“那我想要一位比我年轻30岁的女人。”

仙女拾起了魔术棒。“嘭”他变成了90岁。

Be Careful What You Wish For

A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.

During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.

The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.

Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."

The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.