To Bee or Not to Bee蜜蜂的故事

Mary Oves

In 2021， I received a phone callwhich told me that I had been chosen asone of three 2022 Grand Prize winners of“A Hotel Room of One’s Own： The ErmaBombeck/Anna Lefler Humorist-in-ResidenceProgram”.

In October 2022， I would be luckyto meet and attend workshops1 withsome famous comedy writers. I waslooking forward to finishing my bookproject during the two-week stay.

But， on the first Saturday， I discovereda bee in my hotel room.

I immediately FaceTimed my oldest son.

“Honey， there’s a bee in my room.”

“A bee？ What floor are you on？”

“Third.”

“How did a bee get into your room？”

“I left the window cracked2.”

“Your hotel-room window on the third floor opens？”

“No.”

“No？”

“No.”

“Then， how did the bee get into awindow that doesn’t open？”

“I opened it. I needed fresh air. I usedmy eyelash curler3 to unclench4 the metalpiece that prevents the window fromopening.

“Can you put it back in when you leave？”

“I’m not sure. The metal kind of broke off.”

“I see.”

“So， what should I do about the bee？”

“Um， kill it？”

“What if it doesn’t die and then seeksrevenge5 on me while I sleep？”

“Insects don’t seek revenge. So， catchit and release6 it.”

“I can’t catch it. What if it stings7 me？”

“Jeez. Where is it？”

“Here in the room.”

“No， what part of the room？”

“Oh. On the glass part of the window.”

“So， catch it in a cup. Do you have a plastic cup？”

“Yes.”I looked around and saw twoplastic coffee cups.

“Slide8 it into the coffee cup， put thelid9 on it， and then release it out thewindow.”

“Okay.”

I put the phone on the coffee machinefacing the window， grabbed10 one of thetwo plastic cups， and managed to trap11the bee in it. But each time I slid the cupto the open window and lifted it from thewindow surface， I couldn’t get the lid onbefore the bee flew out， angrier each time.

Finally， I had the bee trapped， lid on，and released it out of the cracked window.It flew back in， and I screamed as it divebombed12me. In my terror13， I droppedthe cup without thinking and ran screamingto the bathroom. I could hear loudlaughter coming from the phone.

Of course， I felt shame sitting inthe bathroom.

After a while， I walked back into theroom and saw that the bee had once againtaken up residence14 on the window.

To the sound of my son yelling15through the phone，“You got this， Mom！ ”I grabbed the second coffee cup andtrapped the bee. Not willing to take anyrisks—and not really thinking it through—I threw the entire16 cup out the windowand watched as it flew three stories down，and at the feet of a couple who were tryingto enjoy a glass of wine on the hotelpatio17.

“What the hell！ ”The man jumpedup and stared toward my window.

I yelled down to him， “Look， I’mreally sorry. But would you mind lettingthe bee out of that cup？ He’s beenthrough a lot， so be careful as yourelease him.”

They looked at me， back at thecup， and then back at me. I heard himsaid to his wife，“Is she kidding？”

I turned to see my son and his friendlaughing and staring from the screen.

My son’s friend turned to him.“Howlong is your mom writing in Dayton？”

“Two weeks，”my son replied.

His friend shook his head.“She’snot gonna make it.”

2021 年，我接到一个电话，说我被选为2022 年“自己的酒店房间：埃尔玛·邦贝克/ 安娜·勒弗莱常驻幽默作家项目”的三名大奖得主之一。

2022 年10 月，我有幸与一些有名的喜剧作家见面并参加研讨会。我期待着在两周的逗留期间完成我的新书计划。

但是，在第一个星期六，我在我的酒店房间里发现了一只蜜蜂。

我立刻和我的大儿子视频通话。

“亲爱的，我的房间里有一只蜜蜂。”

“蜜蜂？你在几楼？”

“三楼。”

“蜜蜂是怎么进你的房间的？”

“我的窗户开了个缝。”

“你在酒店三楼房间的窗户打得开吗？”

“打不开。”

“打不开？”

“是的，打不开。”

“那么，蜜蜂是怎么飞进一扇打不开的窗户的呢？”

“是我打开的。我需要新鲜空气。我用睫毛夹撬开了防止窗户打开的金属片。”

“你离开的时候能把它装回去吗？”

“我不确定。金属片有点断了。

“我知道了。”

“那么，我该怎么对付这只蜜蜂呢？”

“嗯，杀死它吗？”

“如果它没有死，然后在我睡觉的时候想要找我复仇怎么办？”

“昆虫是不会找你复仇的。

所以，抓住它，然后把它放走。”

“我抓不到。如果它蛰了我怎么办？”

“天啊，它在哪里？”

“在房间里。”

“不，在房间的什么地方？”

“哦。在窗户的玻璃上。”

“所以，用杯子抓它吧。你有塑料杯吗？”

“有。”我环顾四周，看到了两个塑料咖啡杯。

“让它滑进咖啡杯里，盖上盖子，然后把它放出窗外。”

“好的。”

我把手机放在面向窗户的咖啡机上，抓起两个塑料杯中的一个，并设法把蜜蜂困在里面。但每次我把杯子滑到打开的窗户上，然后把它从窗户表面拿起来时，我都无法在蜜蜂飞出来之前盖上盖子。

我一次比一次生气。

最后，我终于把蜜蜂困住了，盖上了盖子，把它从窗户缝里放了出去。它飞了回来。当它飞扑向我时，我尖叫了起来。我不加思索地扔掉杯子，尖叫着跑向浴室。我能听到从电话里传来的大笑声。

当然，我坐在浴室里感到很羞愧。

过了一会儿，我走回房间，看到那只蜜蜂再一次停在窗户上。

随着我儿子在电话里大喊：“你可以的，妈妈！”我抓起第二个咖啡杯，困住了蜜蜂。我不想冒任何风险，不假思索地把整个杯子扔出窗外，看着它飞下三层楼，落到了酒店露台上一对正要享受美酒的夫妇的脚下。

“见鬼！”那名男子跳了起来，盯向我的窗户。

我朝他大声喊道：“听着，我真的很抱歉。但你介意把蜜蜂从杯子里放出来吗？它经历了很多事情，所以在你释放它的时候要小心。”

他们看看我，又看看杯子，然后又看看我。我听见他对他妻子说：“她在开玩笑吗？”

我转过身来，看到儿子和他的朋友笑着盯着屏幕。

我儿子的朋友转向他。“你妈妈在代顿写作要持续多久？”

“两个星期。”我儿子回答说。

他的朋友摇了摇头。“她做不到的。”

Notes

1. workshop 研讨会

2. cracked 破裂的；有裂纹的

3. eyelash curler 睫毛夹

4. unclench 撬开

5. revenge 报复；报仇

6. release 釋放

7. sting 昆虫、动植物叮、刺、蜇

8. slide 滑行；滑动

9. lid 容器的盖、盖子

10. grab 攫取、抓住

11. trap 设陷阱捕捉、把……困在

12. dive-bomb 俯冲轰炸

13. terror 惊恐；恐惧

14. residence 住宅；住所；居住；定居

15. yell 叫喊；大喊

16. entire 全部的；整个的