Forgotten and forgiven 妈妈的曲奇饼

周淑涵

四年级年终派对，“我”向老师推荐由妈妈来做派对的饼干。“我”们翘首以盼的“周五派对日”终于到了，其他同学的妈妈都带着点心来到了教室，但是“我”的妈妈一直都没有来。愤怒又失望的“我”回到家，难受极了，这个时候“我”听到妈妈回家的声音……

As I sat in the second?floor window of our brick schoolhouse that afternoon， my heart began to sink further with each passing car. This was a day Id looked forward to for weeks—Miss Paces fourth?grade， end?of?the?year party. Miss Pace had kept a running countdown （倒计时） on the blackboard all that week， and our class of nine?year?olds had bordered on insurrection by the time the eagerly anticipated “Party Friday” had arrived.

I had happily volunteered my mother when Miss Pace requested cookie volunteers. Moms chocolate chips were most popular on our block， and I knew theyd be a hit with my classmates. But two

oclock passed， and there was no sign of my mother. Most of the other mothers had already come and gone， dropping off their offerings of punch and crackers， chips， cupcakes and brownies. My mother was missing in action.

“Dont worry， Robbie. Shell be along soon，” Miss Pace said as I gazed down the street. I looked at the wall clock just in time to see its black minute hand shift to half?past. Around me， the noisy party continued， but I wouldnt move from my window watch post.

Miss Pace tried her best to persuade me to move， but I stayed still， holding out hope that the familiar family car would round the corner， carrying my rightfully embarrassed mother with a tin of her famous cookies tucked under her arm.

The three oclock bell soon gave me a sudden shock from my thoughts and I disappointedly grabbed my book bag from my desk and shuffled out the door for home. On the four?block walk to our house， I plotted my revenge. I would slam the front door upon entering， refuse to return her hug when she rushed over to me， and swear never to speak to her again.

The house was empty when I arrived and I looked for a note on the refrigerator that might explain my mothers absence， but found none. My chin quivered with a mixture of heartbreak and rage. For the first time in my life， my mother had let me down.

[Language][Study]

Useful sentence patterns

1. Miss Pace had kept a running countdown on the blackboard all that week， and our class of nine?year?olds had bordered on insurrection by the time the much?anticipated “Party Friday” had arrived. 那个星期佩斯小姐在黑板上做了个倒计时牌，當这个万众期待的“周五派对日”到来的时候，我们一班九岁大的孩子们兴奋得像炸开了锅一样。

分析：本句为复合句，包含一个and连接的并列句，以及by the time引导的时间状语从句，意为“到了……的时候”。其中，border on insurrection是一个固定搭配，意为“兴奋得像炸开了锅”。

2. The house was empty when I arrived and I looked for a note on the refrigerator that might explain my mothers absence， but found none. 当我回到家时，房子里空无一人，我在冰箱上寻找可能解释母亲缺席原因的字条，但我什么也没找到。

分析：本句为复合句，包含一个and连接的并列句，并列句中分别包含了一个when引导的时间状语从句以及that引导的定语从句，还有一个but连接的并列句。

[Reading][Check]

阅读上面的文章，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。

注意：

1. 所续写短文的词数应为150左右;

2. 续写部分分为两段，每段的开头语已为你写好。

Paragraph 1：

I was lying face?down on my bed upstairs when I heard my mother come through the front door.

Paragraph 2：

Then my mother did something completely unexpected. She sank down on the bed and began to weep like a little girl.

写作导引

一、语篇研读

读后续写要求续写的部分在情节和逻辑方面与原文高度契合。为此，我们必须在掌握原文大意和叙述意图的基础上，分析所给文章的情境模式。

分析记叙文的情境模式，就需要关注5个W，即：who、what、when、where，以及why。我们在阅读时要把握故事的情节线，分析故事的起因、开始、发展，并归纳出故事的主要矛盾，根据文章中已知的信息，如情感的线索、行为的线索、时间的线索、空间的线索等来推断将要发生的事情，合理构思续写部分的情节。

[要素 分析：所给短文的情境模式 发展：续写短文的情境模式 说明：如此构思的理由 Who I， Miss Pace， my mother I， my mother We are su?pposed to learn how to forgive others mistakes.

The relationship between parents and chi?ldren is equal.

Parents and children should understand each other. What My mother forgot to make cookies for my fourth?grade end?of?the?year party and I was waiting for her for several hours at school but she didnt show up as promised. After I went back home， the house was empty. My mother came home and apologized to me， but I didnt accept it at first. She couldnt help crying and I tried to comfort her. When On the day of my fourth?grade end?of?the?year party On the day of my fourth?grade end?of?the?year party Where At the schoolhouse At home Why I was furious and disappointed， so I decided not to forgive my mothers behaviors and make her pay. I was shocked and my heart was softened when I saw my mother crying， so I forgave her. ]

二、情节构思

基于原文本和续写段落首句提供的信息，采用围绕中心提问相关问题的方法，构思要续写的故事情节，一般分为四步。

第一步，根据已给出的文本判断文章的立意。

文章给出的部分主要记叙的是：佩斯小组举办班级年终派对，其他同学的妈妈都带着点心来到教室，但是“我”的妈妈没有来，“我”一直等待，直到派对结束。愤怒又失望的“我”回到家发现家里没有人，妈妈也没有给“我”留下解释的字条，“我”难受极了。结合文章最后两段对“我”的心理状态的描写——“失望地（disappointedly）”“报复（revenge）”“愤怒（rage）”“心碎（heartbreak）”等内容可推断出本文的立意是“道歉”和“原谅”。

第二步，根据续写第二段所给出的段首句倒推续写第一段应包括什么内容。

分析第二段的段首句，“妈妈做出了令人意想不到的事情，她倒到床上，哭得像一个小女孩一样”，并结合文本的最后一段“我回到家，發现家里没有人，也没有看到妈妈留下的解释缺席原因的字条，这是妈妈第一次让我失望透顶”可知，续写第一段要写妈妈回来以后跟“我”解释她缺席的原因，并且“我”一开始并不接受她的道歉，这样才能确保续写的两段是相衔接的。

第三步，围绕续写第一段所给出的段首句以及上面的分析进行提问构思：

（1）Whats my reaction to my mothers coming back？

（2）How did my mother explain her absence to me？

（3）Whats my response to my mothers apology？

第四步，围绕续写第二段所给出的段首句进行提问构思：

（1）How did I feel when I saw my mother crying？

（2）What did I do to comfort my mother？

（3）How did my mother and I make peace？

三、润色成篇

在续写的过程中要注意情节连贯，各部分内容相衔接：1. 两段的续写与所给短文的衔接;2. 每段的续写与续写段首句之间的衔接;3. 两段续写之间的衔接。同时要注意语言风格的一致和语法、句型以及所用单词的准确性。比如，刻画人物形象时运用恰当的形容词使其栩栩如生，描写人物心理活动时使用一些动词或副词使其细微深入。