张超 男,河北省衡水市阜城县第四中学高级英语教师,市英语优秀教师,县骨干教师。从事英语教育教学工作31年。多年来,在省级以上报刊《中学生英语》《学英语》《英语周报》《中学生英语读写》《中学英语园地》《英语辅导》《校园英语》等发表文章数百篇,并有多篇论文获奖。曾参与《天天向上》《三维方案》等高中版教辅资料的编写工作,并荣获“中央教育科学研究所全国基础教育科研先进个人”荣誉称号。多次辅导学生在省、市和国家级英语竞赛中获奖。
Hello, everyone!My name is Dai Jiaxing. Im 13 years old, and Im a① active, happy, sunny and lovely boy. Now I live in Hengshui City—a beautiful little city.
My favorite subject is English. English is very important, and② I want to be a translator when I grow up. Im also interested in singing. I often practice singing in my spare time. I won the first prize in our school singing contest in③ last term. At the same time, I enjoy sports, such as running, playing basketball, swimming and so on. I run on Sundays. Besides, I have others④ hobbies. I like reading and watching TV in my free time. My favorite book is Harry Potter.
Do you want to make a friend with me? You can e-mail me at Dai Jiaxing@126.com.
河北省阜城縣第四中学七年级(3)班 戴家兴
点评
1. 优点:
小作者把本文分为三段,每一段都简短有力,分别从不同方面做了自我介绍,一个多才多艺,热爱生活,热爱学习,热爱运动的快乐、阳光、可爱男孩的形象跃然纸上。小作者在遣词造句和语言表达上也有不俗的功底,grow up,be interested in,practice doing,win the first prize,at the same time,such as,besides,make a friend with等词和词组的娴熟运用,增加了文章的得分点。此外,本文逻辑清晰,详略得当,是一篇不错的习作。
2. 需要修改的地方:
①a改an。active是以元音音素开头的词,前面的冠词用an。
②and改为so。前后分句是因果关系。
③去掉in。last, next, this等词和时间连用时,前面不使用介词。
④others改为other。others是代词,意为“其他人”单独使用;而other是形容词,意为“其他的、另外的”,用来修饰名词。
3. 评分:
按中考英语作文满分20分的评分标准,本文修改前可得18分。