My Mom Only Had One Eye妈妈只有一只眼睛

许书明

My mom only had one eye. I hated her. She was such an embarrassment1.

She ran a small shop at a flea market2 and collected old clothes and some other things to sell for the money we needed. Once during elementary school， it was field day， and my mom came. I was so embarrassed and wondered how could she do this to me？ I threw her a hateful look and ran out. The next day at school， my schoolmates asked me， “Your mom only has one eye？！” and taunted3 me.

I was so angry with my mom and wished that she would just disappear from this world. So I said to my mom， “Why don’t you have the other eye？！ If you’re only gonna make me a laughingstock4！” My mom did not respond， I guess I felt a little bad， but at the same time， I felt so good to have had said what I wanted to say. Maybe it was because my mom hadn’t punished me， I didn’t think that I had hurt her feelings very badly.

For the words I had said to her earlier， there was something pinching5 at me in the corner of my heart. Even so， I hated my one-eyed mom and our desperate poverty. I told myself that I would become successful in the near future， so I studied very hard. Later I got accepted by the Seoul University， I left my mother and came to Seoul to study. Then I got married there.

I bought a house of my own. Then I had kids， too. Now I am living happily as a successful man. I enjoy the life in Seoul because it’s a place that doesn’t remind me of my mom and my past. This kind of happiness was getting bigger and bigger， until one day someone knocked at my door. It was my mom！ And still with her one eye！ It felt as if the whole sky was falling apart on me. My little girl ran away， scared of my mom’s eye.

I screamed at her， “Who are you？ I don’t know you！ How dare you come to my house and scare my daughter！” To this， my mom quietly answered， “Oh， I’m so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address，” and she disappeared out of sight.

One day， a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house. Lying to my wife that I was going on a business trip， I went back to participate in the reunion. After the reunion， I went down to the old shack6， which I used to call a house， just out of curiosity7. There I found my mom fallen on the cold ground. I did not shed a single tear.

Then a piece of paper in her hand came into my eyes. It was a letter to me.

My son，

I think my life has been long enough now， and I won’t visit Seoul anymore. But would it be too much to ask if I wanted you to come to visit me once in a while？ I miss you so much. And I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion. But I decided not to go to the school… for you. I’m so sorry that I only have one eye， and I was an embarrassment for you.

You see， when you were very little， you got into an accident and lost your eye. As a mom， I couldn’t stand watching you having to grow up with only one eye. So I gave you mine. I was so proud of my son to see a whole new world for me with that eye. I was never upset at you for anything you did. During the couple of times that you were angry with me， I thought to myself， it’s because he loves me.

My son… oh， my son…

Don’t cry for me because of my death. I love you so much.

我的妈妈只有一只眼，我讨厌她，她是那样地令我难堪。

她在一个跳蚤市场经营一家小店，回收旧衣服和其他物品出售以补贴家用。在我上小学期间，有一个户外活动日，我妈妈突然来了。当时羞得我无地自容，没想到她居然这样对我！我向她投去厌恶的目光，然后跑开了。第二天在学校，同学们问我：“你妈妈只有一只眼睛啊？！”语气中带着嘲讽。

我对妈妈非常生气，真想她从我的眼前消失。我对妈妈说：“你為什么只有一只眼？！你是不是就想让我成为笑柄！”妈妈没有理我。我觉得有点儿自责，但同时又为自己能把心里话说出来而自得。也许是因为妈妈没有因此惩罚我，我认为自己并没有真正伤她的心。

对于早些时候对她所说的话，我的心灵深处还是隐隐作痛。即便如此，我还是痛恨只有一只眼睛的妈妈，以及我们那一贫如洗的家庭。我暗下决心，不久的将来一定要成功，因此，我拼命学习后来考上了首尔大学，离开妈妈，来到首尔读书，之后还在首尔成了家。

我买了一套自己的房子，还有了孩子，现在我作为一个成功的男人正过着幸福的生活。我喜欢在首尔的生活，因为在这里，我不会想起妈妈和以前的日子。这种幸福感正变得越来越强，直到有一天，有人敲响我家的门。我打开门，是妈妈！还是只有一只眼！我当时就觉得这天要塌下来似的。我的小女儿立即跑开了，她怕我妈妈的一只眼。

我朝她吼道：“你是谁？我不认识你！你怎么敢来我家吓唬我女儿！”听到这些，妈妈平静地回答道：“哦，对不起。我也许记错了地址。”说完，她就走了。

一天，家里收到一封关于学校聚会的信。我向妻子谎称去出差，返回学校参加了聚会。聚会结束，出于好奇，我来到了那间老棚屋，我过去的家。在那里，我发现妈妈倒在冰冷的地上。我没有流一滴眼泪。

这时，妈妈手上的一张纸映入我的眼帘。那是一封写给我的信。

孩子，

我想我活得够久了，我再也不会去首尔了，我想要你抽空来看望我一下，也不太过分吧？我太想你了，当我听说你来参加聚会，我真是太高兴了……不过为了你，我不打算去学校了。我只有一只眼睛，真是太抱歉了，我让你难堪了。

你很小的时候，一次事故使你失去了一只眼睛。作为母亲，我不忍心你长大了只有一只眼睛。因此我把我的一只眼睛给了你。儿子能够用那只眼睛替我看到全新的世界，我真是由衷地自豪。对于你做过的那些事情，我从不怪你。好几次你生我的气，我都对自己说，那是因为你爱我。

儿子……哦，我的儿子……

不要为我的死而哭啼。我太爱你了。