Language Is No Barrier to Travel

By Coco Liang

An artist friend of mine once spent 18,000 yuan learning English, hoping to speak English as fluently as I do, so that he could travel around the world freely.

He first went to Switzerland and found the Germanspeaking area, French-speaking area, Italian-speaking area there… but he couldn't find the English-speaking area. He felt disappointed, decided to quit learning English.

But, is it a big deal even if one does speak English? Well, I'm still at a loss when hearing the Manchester accent. It's just like how speaking fluent Mandarin doesn't mean you understand the dialect of Chaozhou in Guangdong Province.

It seems that the whole of Europeans speak English; but in fact, only half of them can. English goes unimpeded in Norway, Sweden and Finland. Once a Finnish man told me he could speak eight languages. It sounds terrific—I guess if someone from Shenzhen claims that he knows eight dialects from eight provinces, he would also win himself a thumbs-up.

But in other countries such as Spain, Italy, France and Portugal, English is not that much a common language. Once I was traveling in Portugal. The uncle at the reception desk tried to talk to me every night when I came back to the hotel.

I had to smile and replied in Chinese: “I don't understand.”

He continued to talk.

I said in English: “I don't understand.”

He went on talking.

Then I turned to French: “Je ne comprends pas (I don't understand).”

At this point he would laugh and give me a candy, patting my head and shoulders, waving his hands, and letting me go upstairs.

However, many of the languages in European countries are more or less akin to English, so we can still guess the meanings of some words in newspapers or on road signs based on a very basic level of English.

On the contrary, if you go to Russia, you won't know one single letter—let alone guess the meaning of whole words or signs.

On one occasion, I went to a famous Russian restaurant for its borscht. I successfully expressed “I only need a loaf of bread for my soup” with my body languages, yet I still was thwarted while trying to find the toilet.

After the borscht, I wanted to go to the toilet. I looked around yet couldn't see one around the restaurant. Eventually I followed the instinct of my nose and found my way. Instead of the common signs of figures with a dress or pants, I found myself blocked outside the restrooms by some strange Russian words on the doors.

Fine, I'll wait, I thought… When someone came out or went in, I would be able to tell.

I waited for quite a while before someone came out from one of the doors: he/she was dressed in big loose T-shirt and jeans, and had breasts, but of a shape and size that they could belong to a fat woman with small breasts or a fat man with a big belly. There was a tattoo on his/her arm, but it was a unisex mermaid. His/her blond hair was neither too long nor too short, and seemed to have eyeliner yet also wore a mustache above his/her upper lip. He/she carried a blue and black outdoor rucksack, yet from which he/she took out a pinkish cloth bag.

Anyway, I categorized the person wishfully as a woman, and rushed into the door from which she came out, only to find myself greeted by a standing urinal.

But I'm even more afraid of the heavily accented English spoken in Indonesia, Thailand, India and Japan. In the movie A Fishy Story, when Maggie Cheung Man-yuk said: “Evely duesdi, I it gali tchigen and a gup ov dee,” it was the Indian version of “Every Tuesday I eat curry chicken and a cup of tea.” So what if you passed the English Band 8 in China? It might not work as well as Band 4 English plus Band 4 imagination.

My friend Huang Li learned Southeast Asian English from the very beginning. Later on, when she started working in a foreign company, the English spoken by her American boss was too standard so that she couldn't understand him easily. Ironically she exchanged well with her Brazilian boss.

Japanese English is even more intimidating. People there are polite, thoughtful and humble, willing to use all their English vocabulary to tell you where the toilet is, yet at the end of the day, you may end up learning the location of a local bakery, or on which street you can find a goodlooking flyer-distributing girl, but still not sure where the toilet is.

By now one should know that even popular English is not so universal, much like any other languages. Therefore, don't postpone your trip again with the excuse “I don't know the language.” Make your travel plan now!

(From The Dilemma in Traveling, Jiangsu Phoenix Literature and Art Publishing House. Translation: Lu Qiongyao)

天下英语一锅粥

文/蔻蔻梁

我有个艺术家朋友花了18000元，想学到一口像我那么熠熠生辉的英语，然后就可以纵横世界。

他首先去了瑞士。德语区、法语区、意大利语区……嘿嘿，英语区在哪里呢？为此他愤然回家，就此辍学。

会英语很了不起吗？当我面对着曼彻斯特口音头大的时候，还是不免生出一点儿挫败感。这就正如你能说一口流利的普通话，却听不懂潮州方言一样。

想象中全欧洲都讲英语，事实上全欧洲有一半地方讲英语就不错了。真实的情况是：越是经济发达的国家，国民英语水平越高。在挪威、瑞典、芬兰等国，英语能畅通无阻。有个芬兰帅哥告诉我，他会八国语言。听上去真了不起，我暗想，如果一个深圳人说自己懂八省方言，应该也能换取一点儿敬佩的目光吧。

而我们比较熟悉的西班牙、意大利、法国、葡萄牙，国民英语水平之烂，几乎让人想取缔它们“发达国家”的头衔。在葡萄牙旅行的日子里，每天晚上回旅馆时，旅馆阿伯都要跟我说话。

我就甜美一笑，用中文说：“听不懂。”

他继续说着。

我用英语说：“听不懂。”

他接着说。

我用法语说：“听不懂。”

这个时候他就会大笑起来，然后给我一颗糖，拍拍我的脑袋和肩膀，挥手示意我赶紧上楼。

但是在这些欧洲国家里，语言多多少少跟英语有那么一点儿相似之处，偶尔还是能够凭借自己的英语基础，在报纸或者路标上找到一两个疑似认识的单词，半猜半蒙地知道它的意思。

然而你去俄罗斯试试看？你连字母都读不出来，更别说妄图猜个单词是什么意思了。

有一天去一家有名的餐馆喝罗宋汤，我连“我只要一个面包配汤，不要那么多了”都能用肢体语言表达出来，却败在了一个厕所门口。

喝了罗宋汤，就有点内急。满餐厅找厕所，最后是靠鼻子确认了厕所的方位。但问题是上面并没有常见的裙子和裤子小图标，只分别有几个俄语单词。

好，我等。等从里面出来一个人，或者进去一个人，就0K了。

等了半天，从一个小门里出来一个人。TA是这样的：穿着牛仔裤，宽松的大T恤。胸部可以理解为一个胖女人却没有一个太大的胸部；但是根据那肚皮大的程度，一个胖男人长出这样的胸部来也不是不可能。胳膊上有文身，偏偏是条男女皆宜的美人鱼。金色的头发不长不短，好像描了眼线，可是上唇分明又有胡子。TA背了一个户外用的背囊，蓝黑色，可又从里面拿出一个玫红色的小布口袋。

不管了，我一厢情愿地认为TA就是个女人，赶紧往那扇小门里跑，结果迎面看到一个站立着的小便器。

但我最惧怕的是那些说着“嫁接英语”的国家，例如印尼、泰国、印度、日本等，无一不带着浓重的本国口音。《不脱袜子的人》里面的张曼玉说的“evely duesdi，I it gali tchigen and a gup ov dee”，是印度版本的“every Tuesday I eat curry chicken and a cup of tea”（“每逢星期二我吃咖喱鸡和喝一杯茶”），你英语八级又有什么用，还不如英语四级加想象力四级，才能稍微学以致用一点儿。

好朋友黄丽的启蒙英语就是东南亚英语。后来她去外企工作，美国老板的英语实在太标准，导致她和美国老板很难沟通，转头跟巴西老板沟通去了。

日本英语更惊人，这个民族的客气、礼让、谦逊使得他们愿意点头哈腰地用尽他们的英语词汇来跟你解释哪里有厕所。但是最终你可能从他们的话里听明白哪里有面包店，哪个转角有个身材很好的派传单小妞，却还是不明白到底哪里有厕所。

所以，大家应该明白，如果英语都不能世界通行，那么任何语言都不能。咱就不要再让“语言不通”这四个字拉住自己的脚，该去哪里旅游就去吧。

（摘自《旅行的尴尬》江苏凤凰文艺出版社）