大学你好，妈妈再见？

Since I can remember， its been just my mom and me at home， except on weekends and holidays when I visit my dad. Sometimes my mom and I are best friends. At other times， we argue over simple things like the fact that I eat standing up， or more complex things like how I spend money.

But our laughs and good times out number the bad times. Our deep conversations usually involve her telling me about all the opportunities I have that she didnt have when she was younger.

My mother was a teen parent， giving birth to me a month after her 16th birthday. She ended up dropping out of high school. She went to a vocational school， and is now doing better than a lot of people she knew growing up. Ive always looked up to her because she knew that she needed to work hard and she did， for both of us.

However， I do think that in some ways my mom lives vicariously through me. Since I was a child， shes been telling me never to lose track of school. Once， in 6th or 7th grade， I told her I wasnt interested in going to college and she was pretty disappointed， and then tried to force me to change my mind.

“What do you mean， ‘Not interested in college？You have to go！ You need to have an education so you can have a good job and be successful. How do you expect to do that without college？ I dont care what you say—you are going and thats that.”

I laughed and agreed. In fact， I was totally motivated to do well in school. Id just said this to see her reaction， and it was as Id expected.

When senior year came around， I was excited to fill out college applications. I did pretty well on the SAT， and received acceptances from almost all of the 26 colleges I applied to. Suddenly it was real： I was getting that chance that my mom didnt have. Everything was going according to plan—except that I felt torn about whether I should leave home for college.

When I started applying， I was set on going away. One part of the whole“college experience” Ive dreamed of is staying up all night， extra-large coffee in hand， having a group study session for finals. Im excited about the feeling of knowing that youre surrounded by people who want the same things you do and are working just as hard. I also like the idea of doing whatever I want with my free time， without having to check in with my mom or anyone else.

Yet， once the acceptance letters told me it was decision time， I found myself struggling with doubt and guilt about leaving my mom alone. When wed first started discussing college choices she would say， kind of aggressively，“Youre staying in the city， right？ I dont have enough money for you to go away.” I explained to her that options like financial aid would help me pay for school. She had no response， which usually means that she feels defeated but wont admit it.

In the past， shed told me， quite clearly， that she wouldnt know what to do without me around. I wondered if she was using finances to mask the real reason she didnt want me to leave， which was that shed miss me. On other occasions， she promised to make my lunch every day if I stayed in the city. I was tempted by thoughts of all the money Id save， and of my moms cooking， which I love. But mostly I felt guilty and concerned about her.

Im her only child and I worried that my leaving would make her extremely sad. While researching schools， I also looked into something called “empty-nest syndrome.”Its when a child leaves home and the parent becomes depressed. I feared that this would happen to my mom. Shes always told me that Im the only person she has， and I know she means it. She has a few relatives， but no one she can really depend on. I know she relies on me for emotional support when shes down.

I worried， too， that going away might add tension to our relationship. If I dont call or visit because I have things on my plate， she may feel like Im too busy for her. I was even afraid of going away and loving it too much， in which case shed feel I was glad to be out of the house. I didnt want to hurt her.

In spite of all my concerns， though， I eventually made up my mind to go away. I realized that if I stayed close to home， Id feel like I missed out on the complete college experience， which might leave me frustrated， regretful， or even resentful of my mom.

Once my mom saw I was determined to move out， she fully supported my decision. She wants me to be happy， and even though I know shes a little sad， shes also excited for me to experience this new life. Thats why I always rely on my mom： In the end， she always puts my interests above her own， and I know she just wants whats best for me.

Of course， I want her to be happy too， and thats why I hope shell start to think about her own goals， not just mine. We sometimes talk about what our respective futures could look like if we are diligent and focused. Once， my mom planned on becoming a nurse， but having a child halted that. When we have serious conversations， I usually encourage her to go back to school and study whatever shed love to see herself doing in a few years. I know that if she goes after her dreams， shell be proud of herself.

She seems to agree， and I think shes seriously considering further education. If she goes after her goals， itll encourage me to go after mine that much more. It will make us both happy and proud to know that she did it.

Its time for me to start my adult life. This change was going to come sooner or later and I believe that itll make my relationship with my mom stronger instead of weaker—especially if we can follow our dreams at the same time， and inspire each other in the process.

自我有记忆以来，除了在周末和节假日探望爸爸以外，家里就只有我和妈妈。有时候，妈妈和我是最要好的朋友；但有时我们又会为一些琐碎的事情（比如我站着吃饭）或复杂一些的事情（比如我如何花钱）争论不休。

但笑声和快乐永远比不愉快的时光要多。我们之间深入的对话往往会提到这么一个话题：我现在拥有的机会是妈妈年轻时所没有的。

我妈妈很年轻就当了母亲，在过完16岁生日的一个月后就生下了我。她最终从高中辍学，随后入读技校——她现在比很多和她一起长大的人过得好多了。我一直很敬佩她，因为她知道自己要加倍努力；为了我们俩，她确实做到了。

然而我感觉到，在某些方面，我在替妈妈而活。当我还是个孩子的时候，她就一直要我跟上学习。有一次，在我六年级还是七年级的时候，我对她说我对上大学不感兴趣，她非常失望，然后试图逼我改变想法。

“你什么意思，‘对大学不感兴趣？你必须上大学！你需要接受教育才可以找到一份好工作，出人头地。不读大学你可以干什么？我不管你说什么——你要上大学，就这么定了。”

我笑了，并表示认同。事实上，我对学习很有积极性，我这么说只是想看看她的反应——果然不出所料。

高中最后那一年，我对填报大学申请可兴奋了。我的学术能力评估测试（SAT）考得很不错；我申请的26所大学几乎都录取了我。突然间，一切成为了现实：我得到了妈妈没能得到的机会。所有事情都按计划进行，除了一件让我十分为难的事情——我应不应该离家读大学？

一开始申请大学的时候，我就决定要离开家乡。我梦想的其中一部分“大学经验”就是开夜车，手里拿着超大杯的咖啡，为期末考试进行小组学习。看到周围都是和你怀揣着同样梦想、并且一样努力的人，这种感觉让我很兴奋。我也喜欢无须向妈妈或任何人“报到”、能够自由掌握空余时间的想法。

然而，当录取信要我做出决定的那一刻，我发现，留下妈妈一个人这种想法让我陷入了怀疑和内疚当中。我们一开始商量选择哪所大学的时候，她会带着攻击性的语气说：“你会留在城里，对吧？我可没有足够的钱让你到外地读书。”我向她解释说，我可以选择助学金等方式支付学费。她無动于衷，这种反应通常说明她感到受挫，但不会承认。

以前，她曾经明确地告诉我，没有我在身边不知如何是好。我怀疑她是不是用经济状况作为借口掩饰她不想我离开的真正原因——她舍不得我。某些时候，她承诺，如果我留在这里，她会每天为我做午饭。想想因此省下的钱以及妈妈的饭菜（我的最爱），我有点动心了。但最主要的问题是我感到内疚，而且很担心她。

我是她唯一的孩子，我担心我的离开会让她极度悲伤。调查各所学校的同时，我也查看了一种叫“空巢综合症”的东西，就是指当孩子离家时父母会变得沮丧的现象。我害怕这会发生在我妈妈身上。她总是对我说，我是她唯一的亲人，我知道她（说这话的时候）是认真的。她有一些亲戚，但没有一个可以真正依赖。我知道在她伤心失意的时候，是我给了她精神上的依靠。

我也担心我的离开或许会令我们的关系变得更加紧张。如果我因为自己有事而不打电话给她或看望她，她可能会觉得我太忙而忽视了她。更让我害怕的是自己太喜欢离巢的感觉，而让妈妈以为我不想留在家里。我不想伤害她。

尽管有所顾虑，我最终还是决定离开家乡。我意识到如果我留在家附近读大学，我会觉得自己错过了完整的大学体验，从而沮丧后悔，甚至怨妈妈。

知道我心意已决后，妈妈十分支持我的决定。她希望我幸福，虽然我知道她有点伤心，但她也会替我能拥有全新的生活而感到高兴。这是我依靠妈妈的原因：到了最后，她永远把我的利益置于她的利益之上，我知道她只是希望我得到最好的。

当然，我也想她得到幸福，所以我希望她开始考虑她自己的目标，而不是只考虑我的。我们有时候会说，如果我们勤奋用功，刻苦专注，我们各自的未来会是什么样子呢。曾几何时，妈妈打算当一名护士，但带着孩子令她不得不放弃。讨论严肃话题的时候，我经常鼓励她回到学校，学习日后有兴趣从事的东西。我知道只要她能追逐自己的梦想，她一定会为自己感到自豪。

她似乎也认同这个想法，我想她正认真考虑继续进修的问题。如果她追求自己的目标，我也会受到鼓舞，更加努力。我们俩都会因为她的追梦行为而感到快乐、自豪。

是时候开始我的成年人生活了。这个改变迟早会到来，我相信改变将加强而不是削弱我和妈妈的关系——特别是当我们同时追求各自的梦想，而且在这个过程中互相激励的时候。