我的生活（节选）

海伦·凯勒

Even in the days before my teacher came， I used to feel along the square stiff box wood hedges， and， guided by the sense of smell， would find the first violets and lilies. There， too， after a fit of temper， I went to find comfort and to hide my hot face in the cool leaves and grass. What joy it was to lose myself in that garden of flowers， to wander happily from spot to spot， until， coming suddenly upon a beautiful vine， I recognized it by its leaves and blossoms， and knew it was the vine which covered the tumble-down summer-house at the farther end of the garden！ Here， also， were trailing clematis， drooping jess a mine， and some rare sweet flowers called butterfly lilies， because their fragile petals resemble butterflies wings. But the roses—they were loveliest of all. Never have I found in the greenhouses of the North such heart-satisfying roses as the climbing roses of my southern home. They used to hang in long festoons from our porch， filling the whole air with their fragrance， untainted by an year thy smell； and in the early morning， washed in the dew， they felt so soft， so pure， I could not help wondering if they did not resemble the asphodels of Gods garden.

The beginning of my life was simple and much like every other little life. I came， I saw， I conquered， as the first baby in the family always does. There was the usual amount of discussion as to a name for me. The first baby in the family was not to be lightly named， everyone was emphatic about that. My father suggested the name of Mildred Campbell， an ancestor whom he highly esteemed， and he declined to take any further part in the discussion. My mother solved the problem by giving it as her wish that I should be called after her mother， whose maiden name was Helen Everett. But in the excitement of carrying me to church， my father lost the name on the way， very naturally， since it was one in which he had declined to have a part. When the minister asked him for it， he just remembered that it had been decided to call me after my grandmother， and he gave her name as Helen Adams.

I am told that while I was still in long dresses I showed many signs of an eager， self-asserting disposition. Everything that I saw other people do I insisted upon imitating. At six months I could pipe out “How dye，” and one day I attracted every ones attention by saying “Tea， tea， tea” quite plainly. Even after my illness I remembered one of the words I had learned in these early months. It was the word “water，” and I continued to make some sound for that word after all other speech was lost. I ceased making the sound “wah-wah” only when I learned to spell the word.

They tell me I walked the day I was one year old. My mother had just taken me out of the bath-tub and was holding me in her lap， when I was suddenly attracted by the flickering shadows of leaves that danced in the sunlight on the smooth floor. I slipped from my mothers lap and almost ran toward them. The impulse gone， I fell down and cried for her to take me up in her arms.

These happy days did not last long. One brief spring， musical with the song of robin and mocking-bird， one summer rich in fruit and roses， one autumn of gold and crimson sped by and left their gifts at the feet of an eager， delighted child. Then， in the dreary month of February， came the illness which closed my eyes and ears and plunged me into the unconsciousness of a new-born baby. They called it acute congestion of the stomach and brain. The doctor thought I could not live. Early one morning， however， the fever left me as suddenly and mysteriously as it had come. There was great rejoicing in the family that morning， but no one， not even the doctor， knew that I should never see or hear again.

I fancy I still have confused recollections of that illness. I especially remember the tenderness with which my mother tried to soothe me in my waking hours of fret and pain， and the agony and bewilderment with which I awoke after a tossing half sleep， and turned my eyes， so dry and hot， to the wall， away from the once-loved light， which came to me dim and yet more dim each day. But， except for these fleeting memories， if， indeed， they be memories， it all seems very unreal， like a nightmare. Gradually I got used to the silence and darkness that surrounded me and forgot that it had ever been different， until she came—my teacher—who was to set my spirit free. But during the first nineteen months of my life I had caught glimpses of broad， green fields， a luminous sky， trees and flowers which the darkness that followed could not wholly blot out. If we have once seen， “the day is ours， and what the day has shown.”

在我的老师到来之前，我一直习惯于沿着方形的黄杨木树篱摸索前行。嗅觉是我的向导，通过它，我发现了生命中的第一株紫罗兰花和百合花。正是在这座小花园里，在经历了暴躁情绪的发作之后，我继续寻找令我舒适的感觉，我把自己温热的脸埋进凉飕飕的树叶和草丛里。将自己迷失在花丛中是如此令人愉悦，从一个地方寻觅到另一个地方是其乐无穷的。就在探寻的过程中，我突然碰到一枝美丽的藤蔓，我会通过它的叶子和花蕾来辨别它的形状，而且我知道，这就是那覆盖着摇摇欲坠的凉亭，远在花园尽头的葡萄藤！在我身边，还有触手可及的铁线莲，垂落于枝叶间的茉莉花，以及一些名叫蝴蝶百合的稀有花卉，这种花的花瓣因其形似蝴蝶那对脆弱易折的翅膀而得名。而玫瑰，则是这花园中最傲人的。我从来没有在北方的温室里见过长势如此繁茂的玫瑰，花朵沿着门廊形成了一道长长的花径，空气中弥漫着沁人的芳香，那种清醇的味道丝毫不沾染泥土的浊气。每天清晨，在露水的沐浴中，玫瑰娇柔淳美，这时我会禁不住展开神思遐想，这些花儿是不是很像上帝花园中的常春花呢？

就像诸多弱小的生命一样，我生命的伊始朴素而单纯；我出生，我睁眼看世界，我拥有全家人的关心，如同很多百姓家中第一个孩子一样。为了给我起名字，家人还煞费了一番周章。家里的第一个孩子的名字当然马虎不得，家中的每一个人都参与其中。我的父亲建议给我取名米尔德莱德·坎贝尔，此人是父亲极为崇敬的一位祖先，对于这个名字，父亲拒绝做进一步的商榷。而我的母亲则按照她自己的意愿解决这个问题，她认为我应该随她母亲的姓氏。她母亲年轻时候的名字是海伦·埃弗里特。没想到的是，就在一家人兴高采烈地带我去教堂洗礼的路上，父亲把取好的名字给弄丢了，这再自然不过了，因为这是一个父亲本就不喜欢的名字。所以，當牧师问他的时候，他才记起来，我的名字还是应该随我外祖母的姓氏，这是早就定好了的，于是他给婴儿取名叫海伦·亚当斯。

我从家人口中得知，当我尚在襁褓中的时候，我就表现出了急躁而固执的个性。我会执意模仿别人做的每一件事情。在六个月大时，我就能咿咿呀呀地说出“你——好”之类的词句。有一天，我十分清晰地说出了“茶，茶，茶”，这引起了家里每一个人的注意。即便是在我生病之后，我仍然记得在我生命最初几个月里所学到的一个词，这个词就是“水”。此后，在我所有的语言功能丧失殆尽后，我就一直模糊地发出“水”这个词的声音，只有在学习拼读的时候，我才会停止说“水——水”。

家人还对我讲了我一岁时学走路的情景。那天，母亲把我从澡盆里抱出来，放在她的膝盖上。当时，林木婆娑，光影摇曳，我被眼前的景象吸引住了，于是，我从母亲的腿上挣脱下来，试图追逐地上的阴影。这种冲动付出了代价，我跌倒在地，哭喊着扑进母亲的怀里。

快乐的日子并没有持续多久。一个短暂的春天，知更鸟和嘲鸫的啁啾余音缭绕；一个花果繁盛的夏天；一个金黄色的秋天——时光倏忽即逝，在一个如饥似渴、欣喜异常的幼儿脚下，季节留给了她最后的礼物。随后，在一个阴沉萧索的二月，疾病封闭了我的眼睛和耳朵，重新将我抛进一个新生婴儿般的无意识状态。家人们管这种病叫作胃和脑的急性阻塞症。医生认为我活不了了，然而造化弄人，就在某天早晨，我身上的烧突然退了，就像它到来时那样神秘莫测。那天早晨，家中洋溢着喜悦祥和的气氛，但是没有一个人，连同医生在内，知道我将再也看不见，再也听不见了。

如今，對疾病的回忆仍然会令我感到困惑。我特别记得母亲的悉心呵护，她在我一连数小时的焦躁和疼痛时尽量抚慰我。我会在睡觉的时候惊悸着醒来，随之而来的是巨大的痛楚和迷惑，我试图转动眼睛，然而它是如此干涩灼热；我把头扭向墙壁，因为那里曾有迷人的亮光，但是我只能看到暗淡模糊的一片，而且一天比一天模糊。除了这些短暂的记忆，也就不曾剩下别样的东西了。事实上，这些回忆如梦似幻，恰如一场噩梦。渐渐地，我变得习惯于被寂静和黑暗所围裹，忘却了这种生活有什么与众不同，直到她——我的老师的到来——她将引领我进入精神自由的世界。总之，在我生命的最初十九个月中，我曾对这个世界匆匆一瞥，广袤的绿色田野，明亮的天空，树木和花丛的印记是随后而来的黑暗所无法抹灭掉的。假如我们曾经看见过，“那一天就属于我们，那一天所展现的一切就属于我们”。

Word Study

fragile /'fr?d?a?l/ adj. 脆弱的；易损的

Relations between the countries are in a fragile state.

untaint /?n'te?nt/ v. 未被污染；未被沾染

esteem /?'sti?m/ v. 尊重；敬重

He was esteemed as a literary wit.

decline /d?'kla?n/ v. 拒绝；拒不（考虑）

I offered to give them a lift but they declined.

disposition /d?sp?'z???n/ n. 性格；性情

The film is not suitable for people of a nervous disposition.

cease /si?s/ v. 停止；终止

You never cease to amaze me！

impulse /'?mp?ls/ n. 冲动；一时的念头

He had a sudden impulse to stand up and sing.

dreary /'dr??ri/ adj. 阴沉的；沉闷的

rejoicing /r?'d???s??/ n. 喜庆；欢庆

There was great rejoicing at the victory.

agony /'?ɡ?ni/ n. （精神或肉体的）极度痛苦

It was agony not knowing where the children are.