Slow Brain, Quick Tongue

By Qing Si

Qian Zhongshu once argued persuasively about proper speech by saying that some people tend to compete for the floor in conversation just to showcase themselves. Reading these words,a few ideas immediately come to my mind.

Ancient people listed Proper Speech as one of the Four Subjects in Confucius' teaching—bearing the same importance as Morality,Government, and the Refined Arts. Many people have gotten overlooked for being slow in the brain but quick in the tongue.

During the Qing Dynasty(1636-1912), after warships were built by a military factory in Fujian, a governor would be invited to conduct the final inspections. The local government would then deliberately send an articulate official to accompany the governor, serving as a narrator—but ‘articulate' and‘smart' don't always go together.

The governor came to the hatch where fresh water was stored and jokingly said: “The well is so deep that I'm afraid a kid might drown if he falls into it.”

The escorting official butted in: “Even if a respectable adult like yourself falls into it, you will drown as well.”

Suddenly, the governor's smiling face wasn't so smiley.

(From China Newsweek, May 2016. Translation: Zhang Xueqin)

嘴巴比脑子快

文/青丝

钱锺书曾妙论过说话的艺术，说有些人为展示自己，喜欢抢别人话头。看到这段话时，我自动“脑补”了一段场景：

古人把说话的艺术列为“圣门四科”之一，与“德行、政事、文学”并列。有太多人吃过嘴巴比脑子快的亏。

清代福建的军工厂造战船，完工后须请总督来验收。地方特意安排一个行事机灵、口齿伶俐的官员陪同，为总督做解说员。

总督走到贮存淡水的船舱口，笑着说：“井口这么深，万一小孩子跌下去，恐怕会被淹死。”

陪同官员抢答道：“即使大人跌下去，也会被淹死。”

本来笑容可掬的总督，顿时一脸黑线。

（摘自《中国新闻周刊》2016年第5期）