地点类说明文的特点

2016-05-30 21:23应如舜
高中生学习·高二版 2016年3期
关键词:前门大街步行街行文

应如舜

地点介绍类说明文的语言特点:1.时态,多用一般现在时。2.方位词的准确运用,过渡语的恰当使用。3.谴词造句的简洁,不要有过分渲染或模棱两可的说法。

假定你是李华,你的美国朋友Sarah打算暑期来北京旅游,来信询问改建后前门大街的情况。请你写封回信,简单介绍一下内容:

1.简况:长800余米、600多年历史、300余家商铺;

2.位置:天安门广场南面;

3.交通:公共汽车17、69、59等路,地铁2号线;

4.特色:步行街、当当车、茶馆、剧院等。

参考词汇:

步行街——pedestrian street

当当车——trolley car

地铁——subway

注意:

1.词数100左右,开头语已为你写好;

2.可以适当增加细节,以使行文连贯。

Dear Sarah,

Thank you for your letter asking about the rebuilt Qianmen Street. Here is something about it.

Yours,

Li Hua

写作的要求是介绍一个地点,这与同学们的日常生活紧密相连,所以能让同学们“学以致用”。另一方面,题目只是给了粗略的介绍,同学们不能仅仅简单地翻译那几句话,这样字数达不到要求,行文也不流畅。概括起来,本文的写作要点有:简要叙述前门大街的历史、长度、位置以及商铺;陈述到前门大街的交通方式;点出前门大街的特色。

习作1

Dear Sarah,

Thank you for your letter asking about the rebuilt Qianmen Street. Here is something about it.

Qianmen Street has over 600 years history①. This is a-800-metre street and has over 300 shops. Qianmen Street lies to the south of Tiananmen. Nearby have public bus about 17,69,59 routes and No.2 Subway.

And else, Qianmen Street is a pedestrian street, there are trolley car can ride you to hang out and there are many teahouses and theatres can offer you rest place or other interesting②.

I believe you will like Qianmen Street, a wonderful place!

Yours,

Li Hua

点评 这篇习作有很多句子可以加以改进:

如:①Qianmen Street has over 600 years history为中式英语,可改写为:Qianmen Street has a long history of over 600 years.这样的句子才是典型地道的英语。

再如:②And else, Qianmen Street is a pedestrian street, there are trolley car can ride you to hang out and there are many teahouses and theatres can offer you rest place or other interesting。此句不仅句子结构不对,而且在词汇的用法上还有错误:there be句型中除了be动词外,还使用了谓语can ride和can offer,这是个明显的错误。并且,ride的用法也是错误的,应该是ride sth.而不是ride sb.。改进后的句子是:Whats more, Qianmen Street is a pedestrian street, where you can take trolley cars to hang around. And many theatres and teahouses of old traditional Beijing characteristic can bring you a lot of fun.

除此之外,还有一些错误:800米街道应该是an 800-metre street;Nearby have public bus about 17,69,59 routes and No.2 Subway,此句完全错误,应该是Nearby are buses No.17,69,59 and the No.2 subway.

总观全文,这篇文章不算是一篇好的习作。

习作2

Dear Sarah,

Thank you for your letter asking about the rebuilt Qianmen Street. Here is something about it.

Its a famous street of over 600 years old①. The 800-metre street is located to the north of Tiananmen Square②. And along the street, there are more than 300 shops. In addition, the transportation there is really convenient. You can take the No.17, 69 and 59 buses to Qianmen Street. There is also a station where the No.2 subway will stop.

By the way, to your interest, there are also many places and things with old Beijing characteristics, such as the trolley cars, teahouses and theatres. Of course, you can buy some souvenirs when you hang about at the pedestrian street. Im sure that youll like this place. At last, hope you have a good time.

Yours, Li Hua

点评 这篇习作是一篇佳作,有很多优美的句子和亮点。

习作使用了说明层次的过渡词或短语:in addition, by the way, of course等,让文章行文连贯,层次清晰。

优美的句子:The 800-metre street is located to the north of Tiananmen Square,By the way, to your interest, there are also many places and things with old Beijing characteristics, such as the trolley cars, teahouses and theatres.

而且,习作也按照常规思维适当增加了细节:Of course, you can buy some souvenirs when you hang about at the pedestrian street.

不过,本文还是有些瑕疵:①处中的old 应去掉;②处中的north应该是south。

较之上篇习作,该习作确实不失为一篇佳作。

范文

Dear Sarah,

Thank you for your letter asking about the rebuilt Qianmen Street. Here is something about it.

Qianmen Street is a famous street of over 600 years. Along this 800-metre street, there are more than 300 shops. As the street is in the center of Beijing, just to the south of Tiananmen Square, its very convenient to get there by bus. You may take Buses No.17, 69 or 59. Subway Line 2 has a stop there too. Qianmen Street is a pedestrian street, but there are trolley cars to take you not only to the shops, but also to theaters and teahouses where you can experience a truly Chinese way of life. Im sure youll like it.

Yours,

Li Hua

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