你还记得那些你在年少时干过的荒唐事吗

2016-04-09 09:22MatKyneTranslatedbyYet马豆子
意林(绘英语) 2016年10期
关键词:忍者护手年少时

文◎Mat Kyne | Translated by Yet 绘◎马豆子

你还记得那些你在年少时干过的荒唐事吗

What Is the Craziest Thing You Did as a Teenager

文◎Mat Kyne | Translated by Yet 绘◎马豆子

I spent an entire summer as a Ninja when I was 13.

Or to be more accurate, I spent my summer evenings as a Ninja when I was 13.

I made a black suit with a hood, gauntlets①gauntlet 英 ['gɔːntlɪt] 美 ['gɔntlət] n. 长手套;(古时士兵戴的)金属护手;夹道鞭笞的刑罚;交叉射击;严酷考验, tabby boots and all.

I carried around a homemade②homemade 英 ['həʊm'meɪd] 美 ['hom'med] adj. 自制的;国产的;像家里做的grappling③grapple 英 ['græp(ə)l] 美 ['græpl] vi. 抓住;格斗;抓斗机vt. 抓住;与……格斗n. 抓住;格斗hook that I used to scale buildings.

I would climb up on top of buildings, hop fences and run through people's back yards. I would practice hiding in plain sight.

My little brother took a picture of me one night before I went out.

That's me up there on the roof of our house. My brother was the only one who knew I did this. We shared a room.

Every night after the family went to bed I went out the window. My patrol④patrol 英 [pə'trəʊl] 美 [pə'trol] n. 巡逻;巡逻队;侦察队vt. 巡逻;巡查vi. 巡逻;巡查would probably cover 4-5 miles.

I would practice being invisible. I would hide in trees. I would hide in dark corners. I would hide just outside the pools of light created by street lamps. I would say that I was never seen, but I was caught on camera one time.

This was 1988, security cameras were hard to come by. I know I was caught on camera because it made the local news.

There was a 15 second blurb about a ninja⑤ninja 英 ['nɪndʒə] 美 ['nɪndʒə] n. (受过偷窃技术专门训练被雇作间谍或刺客的)日本武士;忍者running through a parking lot. The video was terrible; but there was about a 2 second clip of a blurry⑥blurry 英 ['blɜːrɪ] 美 ['blɝi] adj. 模糊的;污脏的;不清楚的-shadow running past a street light.

I just remember being on the couch with my mom, little brother and two little sisters when it came on the news. My brother could hardly contain himself; but to his credit he never said a word about it.

I continued my patrol. And in doing so, I think I might have prevented a crime too.

I was hiding out at a car wash when I overheard a man screaming at his girlfriend.

He was really angry. His girlfriend was sobbing uncontrollably⑦uncontrolled 英 [ʌnkən'trəʊld] 美 [,ʌnkən'trold]adj. 不受控制的. I screamed from the shadows (in my best impression of an adult's voice;remember, I was only 13) “Hey! Leave her alone!”They both stopped arguing to look around for the disembodied⑧disembody 英 [dɪsɪm'bɒdɪ; dɪsem-] 美[,dɪsɪm'bɑdi] vt. 使脱离肉体(或躯壳)voice while I disappeared into the darkness. They got in the car and left.

I continued my patrols right up until the day before school started.

Years later the subject came up at a family party and where I admitted to being the Postal Ninja (video camera was at the Post Office),my mother exclaimed:

“I thought that was you!”

I asked: “How did you know it was me?”

“Who do you think washed your ninja suit?”

我13岁那年,当了一个暑假的忍者。

更准确地说,是暑假的每个晚上。

我自制了一整套夜行衣,包括头巾、护手、忍靴等。

我还随身携带了一只自制的抓钩,用以攀爬楼宇。

我会爬到各个楼顶,翻墙穿过别人的后花园,并练习隐身。

有一晚动身前,我弟给我拍了一张照片。

照片上的我站在我们家房顶。而我弟是唯一一个知道这件事的人,因为我们睡一间房。

每晚我都在家人睡下后从窗户溜出去,巡逻周边大概四五英里(6~8 千米)的范围。

我会练习隐身,试着藏在树上,躲在黑暗的角落里,乃至恰好匿在路灯的光区外。我敢说我从未被发现,但有一次被摄像头抓拍了下来。

那是 1998 年,安保摄像头还没普及开来。我之所以知道,是因为我上了头条。

那是一个仅 15 秒的短视频,里面一个忍者正在穿行停车场。视频的质量十分糟糕,但有大概 2 秒能看到一个模糊的身影闪过。

我只记得当时我和我弟,俩妹妹还有我妈一起坐在沙发上看着这条新闻播出。我弟笑不可遏,但囿于承诺他只好闭嘴。

如果我留有这视频就好了。

随后我继续巡逻,我认为这样做同时还能除暴安良。我有一次躲在一个洗车站外,偷听到一个男的向他女朋友大吼大叫。

他看起来十分生气,他的女朋友不停地抽泣。于是我在黑暗中吼了一句 (用我自认为最成熟的嗓音,要知道,我还只有13岁) “让她自己待一会儿,不行吗?”他们随即停止了争吵,试图找出这莫名其妙的声音来自何方,而我早就随风潜入夜了。他们只好开车走人。

我的巡逻一直持续到学校开学才结束。多年以后,这件事又在家庭聚会上被提了起来,我也承认了自己就是那个邮差忍者(摄像头当时被安在邮局)。我妈妈大喊:

“我就知道”

“你怎么知道?”

“你以为是谁帮你把忍服洗干净的?”

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