越挫越勇

From+teenink.com

As the teacher's lips opened to pronounce my name， I knew what lay ahead. She called me to the whiteboard. My eyes quickly looked around the brightly colored room； my mind tried to strategically1） plan. I melted into my seat right then and there.

Sitting in that classroom was the absolute last place I wanted to be at that moment. My heart pounded， my stomach churned2） and my entire body quivered with fear.

I was being called to the board to perform a long division3） problem. Long division was my most dreaded subject. I repeatedly put the numbers in the incorrect places， or forgot to add in the zeros.

I tensely lifted myself out of my seat. With every slow， shuffled4） step I took， I grew more and more nervous. My palms started to sweat. I could feel everyone's eyes glued to me， judging me silently.

As I approached the whiteboard， its massiveness intimidated me. It was challenging me sarcastically， for we both knew it would declare victory in the end. I heard the blonde-haired girl next to me uncap5） her marker6）. I copied it and twisted the cap off my marker. The teacher announced the equation aloud. I tried desperately to scavenge7） my brain and translate the gibberish8） she was saying. I looked at the girl to my right， and tried to copy what she was writing， unsure of myself. Despite my efforts， she went faster than I could understand， writing down what seemed to be foreign hieroglyphics9）.

My gaze again focused on the chicken scratch10） I had attempted. My work looked like how a baby sounds when it's just learning to talk. Impossible to understand. Why me？ Why couldn't I wrap my mind around this strange concept that all the other kids—understood？ Why， even when I tried my hardest to process these equations， did they come out looking like a few awkward lines？ These questions swirled in my head like whispered questions in the dark. The word why echoed in my mind， tearing at my heart with wickedness.

Why？ Why？

I held back salty tears. My thoughts came back into focus as the other girl closed her marker and pranced11） back to her seat. Hysterical12） with fear， I wrote some arbitrary numbers on the board， and rushed back to mine. The teacher read over our work silently. A hint of frustration came over her face as she read mine.

"Now， class， Susie did this problem absolutely correctly."

I glanced at the little blonde-haired girl， and she was beaming with perfection.

"As for Tara，" the teacher proclaimed， rolling her eyes， "Gosh， I don't even know what she did."

The class burst into snickers13）， and I felt my face turned red as I tried to sink as low as possible into my seat， in hopes of preventing them from seeing me at all. I wanted to cry. I was engulfed14） in humiliation.

But this memory from middle school is one I remember， surprisingly， in a positive way. This experience made me feel unimportant and very dumb. Yet it made me stronger， and gave me persistence. When I get a horrific grade in school， or am put down by somebody， I think of that moment and every single one of those whys that I asked myself. The twisting sickness in my stomach comes back—and gives me the motivation to answer all of those whys and persist until perfection， or as close as I can get.

当老师张嘴叫我名字的时候，我就知道接下来要发生什么了。她叫我去白板那儿。我的眼睛飞快地扫视了一下色彩亮丽的教室，大脑努力计划着如何应对。就在那一刻，我一下瘫坐在我的座位上。

那间教室绝对是我在那个时候最不愿意待的地方。我的心怦怦跳着，我的胃里翻江倒海，整个身体害怕地发抖。

我当时正被叫到白板前解答一道长除法题。长除法可是我最害怕的题目。我老是把数字放在错误的位置上，不然就是忘记加零。

我紧张地从座位上站起来，拖着缓慢的脚步，每走一步，就变得越发不安，手掌都开始出汗了。我能感觉到每个人的目光都胶着在我身上，无声地评判着我。

我来到白板前，它的庞大令我感到害怕。它在嘲讽地向我发出挑衅，因为我和它都知道它最终会宣告胜利。我听到旁边那个金发女孩摘掉了马克笔的笔帽。我模仿着这个动作，把笔帽从我的马克笔上拧了下来。老师大声地念出了方程式。我拼命在我的大脑中搜寻，努力去理解她快速说出的那些令人费解的话。我看着我右边的那个女孩，试图照着她写的东西抄下来，因为我对自己没有半点信心。尽管我努力地抄写，但她写的速度比我理解的还快，而且她写出来的东西看起来好像是“天外飞书”。

我的视线再一次回到我努力写出来的“鬼画符”上。我的作品看起来就像是一个刚开始学说话的婴儿发出的声音一样，无法理解。为什么是我？为什么我就是理解不了这个其他孩子都能理解的奇怪概念？为什么即便我尽最大努力来解答这些方程式，它们看起来却像是几行笨拙的字呢？这些问题如同黑暗中耳边响起的低声疑问在我的脑海里盘旋。“为什么”这个词回荡在我的脑海中，恶狠狠地撕扯我的心。

为什么？为什么？

我忍住苦涩的泪水。旁边那个女孩盖上马克笔帽，昂首阔步地回到座位上，我这才从自己的思绪中回过神来。我害怕到情绪极度不安，在白板上胡乱地写了一些数字，就快步回到了座位上。老师一言不发地检查着我们的解题步骤，在看到我的时候，她的脸上浮现出一丝失望的表情。

“好，同学们，苏茜的解答完全正确。”

我瞥了一眼那个金发小女孩，她的脸上洋溢着完美的笑容。

“至于塔拉，”老师翻了一下白眼，宣布说，“天哪，我甚至不知道她写的是什么。”

全班同学都迸发出咯咯的窃笑声。我一个劲儿地往座位里缩，希望同学们完全看不到我，在那一刻，我感觉我的脸都红了。我想哭，我倍感屈辱。

但这件中学往事却奇怪地以一种积极的方式留在了我的记忆中。这次经历让我觉得自己微不足道、愚笨至极，却也让我变得更强大，让我有了锲而不舍的毅力。当我在学校考砸了或是被别人奚落时，我就会想到那一刻，想到我问自己的那一个个为什么。那种胃里翻江倒海的感觉再次袭来，给予我回答所有那些为什么的动力，让我坚持不懈，直至完美，或尽可能接近完美。