幽默小故事

石继忠

Dinner Table Gaffe1

A couple invited some people to dinner. At the table， the wife turned to their six-year-old daughter and said， “Dear， would you like to say the blessing？”

“I wouldnt know what to say，” the girl replied.

“Just say what you hear Mommy say，” the wife answered.

The daughter nodded her head and said， “My God， why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner？”

餐桌失言

一对夫妇邀来客人共进晚餐。就餐前，妻子转身对他们六岁的女儿说：“宝贝，来做餐前祷告，好吗？”

女儿答道：“我不知道讲什么。”

妻子道：“就讲你听妈咪讲过的。”

女儿点点头，说道：“主啊，我到底为什么请这些人来吃晚餐啊？”

The Mean Mans Party

The mean man finally decided to give a dinner party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment， he said， “Come up to 5F， find the middle door and ring the doorbell with your elbow2. When the door open， push with your foot.”

“Why use my elbow and foot？”

“You have gifts in your hands. Well， God，” the man replied， “Youre not coming empty-handed， are you？”

吝啬鬼请客

一个吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”

“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”

“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。

Good News and Bad News

The soldiers had been marching and fighting. They were dirty， hot and tired. One day， the general announced， “My men， I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which one would you like first？” “The good news！” they all shouted. “OK，” said the general. “The good news is that you will each receive a complete change of clothing.” “Hurrah！” the soldiers cried out of joy. “And now for the bad news. Jack， you will change with John. John， you will change with Tom. Tom， you will change with Robert. Robert...”

好消息和坏消息

士兵们连续行军作战，他们又累又热又脏。一天，将军宣布：“士兵们，我有一些好消息和坏消息要告诉你们。你们愿意先听哪个呢？”“好消息！”他们嚷道。“好吧，”将军说，“好消息就是你们每个人都可以彻底换一身衣服。”“好哇！”士兵们高兴地大叫起来。“现在呢，该是坏消息了。杰克，你和约翰换衣服，约翰，你和汤姆换，汤姆，你和罗伯特换，罗伯特……”

The Doctor Lives Downstairs

“Doctor，” she said loudly， breaking into the room， “I want you to say frankly3 whats wrong with me.”

He look her up and down. “Madam，” he said， “Ive just three things to tell you. First， your weight need to be reduced by nearly fifty pounds. Second， your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge4 and lipstick5. And third， Im an artist—the doctor lives downstairs.”

医生住在楼下

“医生！”她冲进屋后大声说道，“我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病。”

他打量着她，然后说道：“太太，我有三件事要对你说。第一，您的体重需要减少大约50磅；第二，如果您只用上十分之一的胭脂和口红，您的美貌将会提升。第三，我是一位画家——医生住在楼下。”

Its His Fault

Billy and Bobby were brothers， and they often had fights with each other.

Last Saturday their mother said to them， “Im going to cook our lunch now. Go out and play in the garden and be good.”

“Yes， Mummy，” the two boys answered， and they went out.

They played in the garden for half an hour， and then Billy ran into the kitchen. “Mummy，” he said， “Bobbys broken a window in Mrs. Allens house.”

“Hes a bad boy，” his mother said， “How did he break it？”

“I threw a stone at him，” Billy answered， “and he quickly ducked6.”

是他的错

比利和波比是两兄弟，两人经常打架。

上个星期六，他们的妈妈对他们说：“我现在要做午饭了。去，到花园去玩吧，别淘气。”

“是，妈妈，”两个男孩回答，然后他们就出去了。

他们在花园里玩了半个小时，然后比利跑进了厨房。“妈妈，”他说，“波比打破了艾伦太太家的窗户。”

“他是个坏孩子，”他的妈妈说，“他是怎么把窗户打破的？”

“我朝他扔了一块石子，”比利回答道，“他躲开了。”

One Engine Left

A 747 plane was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker， “Attention， passengers. We have lost one of four engines， but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately， we will arrive an hour late as a result.” After a while， the passengers heard the captains voice again， “Guess what， folks. We just lost our third engine， but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late.” At this point， one passenger became angry. “For Petes sake，” he shouted， “If we lose another engine， well be up here all night！”

只剩一个引擎

一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时，喇叭里传来了机长的声音：“旅客们请注意，我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。不幸的是我们要晚到一小时。”过了一会儿，旅客们又听到机长的声音：“各位，你们猜怎么啦？我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了。只有一个引擎我们也能飞，但要晚三个小时了。”正在这时，一位乘客气愤地说：“看在上帝的份上，如果我们再掉一个引擎，我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了。”