2014年高考英语短文写作分析

王幼平++冯建国

【真题呈现】

请根据以下提示，并结合具体事例，用英语写一篇短文。

Small things make a big difference. The small things we do can make us a responsible member of the society.

注意：①无须写标题；②除诗歌外，文体不限；③内容必须结合你生活中的具体事例；④文中不得透漏个人姓名和学校名称； ⑤词数不少于120，如引用提示语则不计入总次数。

【审题谋篇】

提示语意为：小事情有大的影响，我们所做的小事情能使我们成为这个社会中有责任感的一员。提示语的落脚点在第二句话，因此我们要把小事情和社会责任感这两个点有机结合起来。一个人的社会责任也许并不起眼，一件事情上体现的社会责任也许并不惊天动地。但是，无数人担负共同的社会责任，无数小事情上汇集的社会责任举动，就能形成推动社会进步的巨大力量。在日常生活中，我们会遇到很多小事情，比如在灾难面前伸出援助之手，参加志愿者活动，节约水电，保护环境等，都能体现出我们的责任意识。因此，从我做起，从小事做起，尽到自己的社会责任是这篇文章的立意所在。

对于这种话题作文，我们依然采取引题、记叙、总结的三段式。把握了立意后，就可以谋篇布局了。第一段提出话题；第二段例举自己生活中遇到的一件体现自己社会责任感的小事；第三段写这个经历给自己的体会和启示，再次点明主题，首尾呼应。

习作一

As is known to us all， small things can make a big difference. In our daily life， even if the things we do are very small， we still can make us a responsible member of the society.

For example， one weekend， our teachers took us to a park where we were about to plant trees. With the help of our teachers， everyone at least planted one tree. Some enthusiastic students planted more. Every one of us was really happy to do something for our society. In the meanwhile， we were confident that there would be a forest in the park many years later. Last week， I went to the park. Those trees we planted ten years ago have been taller than I. What a exciting thing！ We do make us a responsible member of the society.

Although we just did a small thing， but it did make a big difference. Dont hesitate to do small thing just because they are small. Do it， and you will see the big change you make. Let us be a responsible member of the society.

点评 这是一篇中档习作。其优点是：

1.内容切题，语言表达清楚流畅。

2.运用了一些好的短语。如be about to， with the help of， in the meanwhile， hesitate to do sth.

3.运用了一些高级句式。如非限制性定语从句As is known to all，…；让步状语从句even if the things we do are very small， …；定语从句…a park where we were about to plant trees；感叹句What an exciting thing；祈使句+and+一般将来时Do it and you will see the big change you make.

不足之处是：

1. 冠词的错误。a exciting thing应该为an exciting thing.

2. 有个别严重的结构性错误。如Although we just did a small thing， but it did make a big difference. Although是从属连词引导从句，后面应该是主句，but是并列连词连接两个并列的简单句，因此but要去掉。

3. 语句表达错误。如Let us be a responsible member of the society. 这里应该包括听话人，因此应该说Lets be a responsible member of the society. 这是一种表示建议的句型，如Lets go home. 我们回家吧！Let sb do sth是表示请求对方允许去做某事，如Let me in， ok？ 请让我进去，好吗？

习作二

As a tiny spot in the enormous world， there is no denying that something happening is out of control. Nevertheless， life is a stage established for everyone， where the small things we do can make us shine， becoming a responsible member of the city.endprint

Walking down my memory lane， I can recall one thing lingering in my mind. One day， I was walking on my way to school when I heard a cry. It occurred to me that something terrible must have happened. Running to the spot of the accident， I found an old man left alone. Depressed and frustrated， he was longing for help. Much to my surprise， there was no one he could turn to！ Without hesitation， I came up to him， helping him stand up. The old man rewarded me with a warm smile， which made me aware of the responsibility of a social member.

From my perspective， it cant be emphasized too much that were supposed to do kind things as opposed to ignoring them. However small the tings are， only when we attach significance to these can we make a big difference and embrace the vast sky.

点评：这是一篇满分作文。本文有以下优点：

1. 内容切题，记叙具体，中心突出，语言表达流畅自然。

2. 运用了大量高级词汇和短语。如enormous， nevertheless， establish， lane， recall， linger， spot， depressed， frustrated， embrace， vast， out of control， be left alone， long for， much to my surprise， turn to， without hesitation， reward me with a warm smile， be aware of， from my perspective， be supposed to， as opposed to， attach importance to.

3. 运用了多样化的高级句型。

Nevertheless， life is a stage established for everyone， where the small things we do can make us shine， becoming a responsible member of the city.（非限制性定语从句和现在分词作结果状语）

Walking down my memory lane， I can recall one thing lingering in my mind.（现在分词作时间状语和后置定语）

One day， I was walking on my way to school when I heard a cry.（when作并列连词表示“这时”，相当于and at that time.）

It occurred to me that something terrible must have happened.（主语从句和情态动词表示推测的用法）

Depressed and frustrated，…（形容词作状语）

…， it cant be emphasized too much that…（主语从句以及否定词not， never和too连用表示肯定的意思）

However small the tings are， only when we attach significance to these can we make a big difference and embrace the vast sky. （让步状语从句和倒装句）

【拓展语料】

相关词汇：

make a contribution to 为……做贡献

sense of responsibility 责任感

regardless of 不管，不顾

be devoted to 致力于

set about doing sth 着手做某事

pave the way to... 为……铺平道路

be sufficient/adequate to do sth 足以……

dawn on sb 使某人明白

assist sb to do sth/in doing sth/with sth 帮助某人做某事

bend ones efforts to do sth/make every endeavor to do sth 努力做某事

burden the responsibility of the society 肩负社会的责任

attach importance/significance to 认为……重要endprint

take action 采取行动

be determined to do sth 决心做某事

inspire sb to do sth 鼓舞某人做某事

相关语句：

1. A small thing is to life what a drop is to ocean.

2. When it comes to the meaning of small things， I assume that there is no other evidence more persuasive than my own experience.

3. Now that the little efforts we pay can make such a big difference， why dont we all set about doing it？

4. It is universally acknowledged that small things make a difference， which helps us become a responsible member of the society.

5. As far as I am concerned， we should start from small things， which I believe will pave the way to our future development.

6. When it comes to the effect of the small things to me， an example which is sufficient to illustrate the point above dawns on me.

7. Never will I forget the period when I went to the nursery to help those who were in need.

8. Having cleaned up the room， I chatted with people to assist them to get rid of loneliness.

9. No sooner had I noticed the waste than I threw it into the box.

10. Having learned from the volunteer experience， I was aware of the fact that small things can accelerate the speed of becoming a responsible member of society.

11. Here comes my conclusion that tiny things make a difference and only when we bend our efforts to tiny things will we burden the responsibility of the society， which cant be attached more significance to.

12. Its high time that we should start from small things.

13. As is emphasized in the sentence， the small things we do can make a great difference.

14. Here is my own experience from which the importance of small things can be illustrated.

15. Simple as the story is， it shows the fact that a small thing can make a big difference too.

16. It was our comfort and encouragement as well as their own strength that helped them live a happier life.

17. It wasnt long before our action was reported by a local newspaper and we were praised by the society.

18. Deeply rooted in my mind is the experience that is related to my voluntary work.

19. Hearing his words， I felt very guilty and was determined to do every small thing carefully.

20. We were about to cross the road when Tom noticed a piece of waste paper lying on the road.endprint