Jokes and Humor

St Peters Question 圣彼德的问题

Three men, a doctor, an accountant and a lawyer are dead and they appear in front of St Peter. St Peter tells them that they have to answer one question in order to get to Heaven. He looks at the doctor and asks, “There was a movie that was made about a ship that sank after hitting an iceberg, what was its name?” The doctor answers, “The Titanic,” and he is sent through. He then looks at the accountant and says, “How many people died in that ship?” Fortunately the accountant had just watched the movie and he answers, “1500!” St Peter sends him through and then finally turns to the lawyer and commands, in a very heavy voice, “Name them!”

有三个人死了，分别是一名医生、一名会计和一名律师。他们来到了圣彼德面前。圣彼德对他们说，如果他们想进入天堂，就得每人回答一个问题。圣彼德看着医生开始发问，“以前电影院放过一部电影，说的是一艘船撞击冰山后沉没，电影的名字是什么？”医生回答，“《泰坦尼克号》，”医生随即被允许进入天堂。然后圣彼德看着会计说，“船上有多少人遇难？”会计很走运，因为他刚看过这部电影，回答道，“1500人遇难！”圣彼德把会计也放进天堂了。最后，圣彼德转过身，看着律师，非常严肃地用命令的口吻问道，“把1500人的名字都说出来！”

Secret For a Long Life 长寿的秘密

A woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.

“I couldnt help noticing how happy you look,” she says. “Whats your secret for a long, happy life?”

“I smoke three packs a day, drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never, ever exercise.”

“Wow, thats amazing,” says the woman. “How old are you?”

“Twenty-six.”

一位女士走向坐在门廊的椅子上摇动的小老头。

“我无意中发现，你是多么幸福，”那女士说。“你幸福而长寿的秘密是什么？”

“我每天抽三包烟，每周喝一箱威士忌，吃高脂肪食品，而且从来不曾锻炼。”

“哦，真神奇，”女士说。“你高寿？”

“二十六。”

Count to One Hundred Before You Speak 数到一百再说

In class, the teacher, with his back leaning against the stove, said to the students,“Before you speak, you should think and count to at least 50, and for important matters to 100.”

No sooner had the teacher stopped talking than the students began to count. At last all the students shouted together, “1…98, 99, 100. Teacher, your clothes are on fire!”

课堂上，老师背靠火炉站着，对学生们说：“说话前要三思，起码数到50，重要的事情要数到100。”

老师的话音刚落，学生立刻从“1”开始数起来。最后一起喊：“98，99，100！老师，您的衣服着火了!”

Exchange the Tortoise for the Wolf 把乌龟换成狼

Teacher: Some students are becoming arrogant. Do you remember the story about race between the hare and the tortoise? Now, Jim, will you please tell us why the hare was defeated by the tortoise?

Jim: Because the hare fell asleep.

Teacher: Absolutely right! What should we do so that the hare wont fall asleep?

Jim: Exchange the tortoise for the wolf!

老师：有些同学开始骄傲了，大家还记得龟兔赛跑的故事吗？吉姆，你说说看，兔子为什么输给乌龟？

吉姆：因为它睡觉了。

老师：对极了！我们应该怎么做才能让兔子不睡觉呢？

吉姆：把乌龟换成狼！