水饺Ｖｓ牛排：中澳男人大比拼

Belinda Tomlins-Liu has been referring to herself as a Jinan local since February 2004.

芘琳达，从2004年2月开始到现在，称自己是一个济南本地人。

作为一个才20多岁、刚结婚还没多久、住在济南的澳大利亚人，我被问的频率最高的问题是，“中国的丈夫和澳大利亚的丈夫有什么不同？”那么，今天我索性一次性地把大家都关心的这个问题说个明白。

首先，需要说清楚，我可没有两个丈夫。我倒是希望有两个。有双份的生日礼物，双份的工资，和双份的爱，恐怕还不是我一个人的想法。但是，遗憾的是，澳大利亚和中国现行的法律都不允许这样的关系存在。所以，我只能有一个丈夫了，而且是个中国人。所以我只有拿我妈妈的丈夫（没错，就是我的老爸）和我姐姐的丈夫做案例来同我自己的丈夫做比较了。我曾问过我丈夫，我是否可以为了研究这一话题而专门去找个临时的澳大利亚丈夫，但碰了钉子。看来，我丈夫对这个浪漫的话题没什么兴趣。

那么现在就开始我们的比较吧。第一点不同，公平地说，这一点确实不能把责任都推到中国男人的身上。澳大利亚男人大多是在有四五个孩子的大家庭里被拉扯大的。在他们的童年生活里，他们学会了打架、分享和被戏弄。如果他们学不到这些最基本的人与人之间相处的技巧，恐怕永远达不到5岁儿童应该具有的能力。相信我，这绝对是我的真实经历！中国男人正相反，他们从小在只有一个孩子的家庭长大，得到的是一大群亲戚的溺爱。他们没有兄弟姐妹可以打架，分享玩具，也从来没有因为满脸青春痘、肌肉不发达和不时髦而一直被妹妹取笑的烦恼。这样的结果就是，中国男人往往还没做好准备就进入了神圣的结婚殿堂，就像是送一个只装备了一支弹弓的士兵去一个无人的战场。相反的，澳大利亚男人全副武装，他们会将全世界带入下一个冰河世纪。

另一点不同，要算是在家里做家务这个方面了。如今，我作为一个在7个孩子的大家庭里长大的女人，感到很可笑的是，一个男人，永远都希望他的妻子独立抚养孩子，有一份工作，把家里打扫得干干净净防止第三世界流行病毒的爆发。我的意思是，我们当然可以做得很好，可就连玛莎·斯图尔特还进监狱呢！所以，如果一个澳大利亚妻子叫她的丈夫帮忙做家务，5分钟的工夫，她的丈夫就能用吸尘器清洁完整个房间，洗完两个人的车，打扫完浴室，再加上修整完草坪。任何懒惰的行为都会被他们的担忧所战胜。担忧的来源一个是岳母的到访，另一个就是离婚诉状。在澳大利亚，这是对付不顺从的丈夫最管用的两个方式。再说说中国男人吧，让一个中国男人去做家务简直就像是让一头母牛沿着中国的万里长城倒着走一趟。任你用什么样的战略去对付他，结果总会失败（除非你很幸运地嫁了一个上海男人）。在过去的3年里，我试过恳求、乞求、哭闹、轻声耳语、软磨硬泡、威胁、劝说、贿赂、甚至勒索，可能形容得有失准确，反正他是一点也没听进去。我就连最古老的借口——“我打算让我妈妈过来，跟她聊一会”也不管用，因为她过来要坐8个小时的飞机。

在陪老婆购物这方面，澳大利亚男人和中国男人也存在着不同之处。让一个澳大利亚丈夫陪你逛街，除非去看电子产品和汽车，不然就会看到他借机会溜走。澳大利亚男人宁愿因开车超速被一个18岁的女警官逮住，也不愿在女士内衣百货店生闷气，或者帮你挑一条好看的牛仔裤。然而，中国男人就不同了，他们不仅会陪你逛街，还会帮你拎包，替你买单，甚至还会在你待在试衣间的时候帮你调换稍小一号的蕾丝内衣。

我想说的最后一点不同，就是两国的丈夫们对待“男人们的夜生活”的态度了。在澳大利亚，如果一个男人想与他的同性朋友们一起出去看球赛或者喝啤酒，他很有可能会带上他的另一半一起去。众所周知，澳大利亚的女人们在喝酒上总是比男人稍胜一筹，甚至观看球赛电视转播的时候比她们的丈夫们还要激动和兴奋。所以，让老婆们留在家里，就等于是让她们在家中开派对，这可不是一个明智的选择。在中国，男人们的夜生活不是很少见，甚至是天天都有。他们不管是出去打麻将，打扑克牌，还是去KTV，中国的老婆们不可避免地都会在凌晨两点被喝得醉醺醺回家的丈夫们吵醒。这也许就是为什么一到晚上7点半，中国的健身房都会有很多年轻漂亮的妻子们在做瑜珈，按说这个时间她们应该在享受二人世界啊。

我希望以上这些简单的比较可以解答你们的所有的疑问。无论你喜欢什么类型的男人，一定要选一个爱你的男人。因为最终不管你嫁给鳄鱼邓迪还是成龙都不重要，重要的是只要你开心就好。

As a twenty-something Australian newly-wed living in Jinan the question I get asked most often is inevitably, that are the differences between Chinese husbands and Australian husbands?” So, today Im going to, once and for all, answer the question that seems to be on everybodys lips.

Firstly, I want to make it clear that I do not have two husbands.I would like to have two husbands, for who wouldnt want double the birthday gifts, double the pay checks, and double the love.But, unfortunately, current law in both Australia and China prohibits this kind of relationship.I only have one husband and he is Chinese, so Im going to have to take my mothers husband (yes that would be my dad) and my sisters husbands as examples for the comparison.I did ask my husband if I could have an Australian husband for a short period of time for research purposes, but it seems that my husbands interest in the science of romance is rather narrow.

Lets begin our analysis with a look at the first difference which, to be fair, is one that we cant really blame on the men themselves.Australian men are usually raised, or more realistically dragged up in a big rowdy family of four to five kids.Throughout their childhood, theyve learnt to fight, share, and cop a bit of teasing.If they fail to learn these basic interpersonal skills, they probably wont make it past their fifth birthdays. Trust me, Im writing from personal experience here!Chinese men, on the other hand, are inevitably raised in only-child families by an army of doting relatives. They have no siblings to fight or share toys with and no annoying little sisters to tease them incessantly about their face full of acne, miniscule muscles, or out-dated fashion sense.The result of this is that Chinese men inevitably enter the sacred bond of marriage hideously ill-equipped.In fact, it is like sending a soldier armed with only a sling-shot into no-mans land.Australian men, conversely speaking, are armed with enough weaponry to blow the entire world into the next ice-age.

The next difference I can see is how the men react to requests for help around the house.Now, as a woman who has been raised in a household of seven children I find it laughable that a man would ever expect their wife to single-handedly raise the children, hold down a job, and keep the house at a level of cleanliness that avoids the outbreak of third-world epidemics.I mean, we are good, but even Martha Stewart ended up in prison! So, if an Australian wife asks her husband to help out around the house within five minutes flat he has vacuumed the entire house, washed both cars, cleaned the bathroom, and mowed the lawn.Any innate laziness is always overcome by pure fear which usually comes in the form of a visit from his mother-in-law or a petition for divorce which are the two most favoured ways of dealing with recalcitrant hubbies down under.Asking a Chinese man to do housework is like trying to get a cow to walk backwards along the Great Wall of China.You can try any strategy you like, but all are doomed to failure (Unless youve been lucky enough to snag a husband from Shanghai).Over the past three years I have pleaded, begged, cried, whispered softly and seductively into his ear, threatened, reasoned,bribed, and blackmailed not exactly in that order but they have achieved nothing.I cant even use the old, “Im inviting my mother around for a little chat”card as she is an eight-hour flight away.

Shopping is another area where Australian and Chinese men differ to bizarre degrees.To require an Australian husband to take you shopping for anything other than power tools, or new cars is to see him flee for cover.An Australian man would rather be caught speeding by an eighteen-year-old female police officer than forced to sulk around the lingerie department or help you choose the most flattering pair of jeans.Chinese husbands, however, will not only personally escort you shopping, but will hold your bags, pay for the purchases and exchange the lacy bra for a smaller size while youre waiting in the dressing-room.

The final difference I have to mention is the mens differing attitudes towards the “boys night out?In Australia, if a husband wants to spend some alone time with his male friends watching sport or drinking beer, its safe to say that hesl probably bring his better half along anyway.It is a well-known fact that Australian women are usually better at drinking and more rowdy at televised sporting events than their male counterparts. So, to leave them at home is to leave the life of the party at home not a smart move.In China, however, boys?nights out are not a rare event, but a nightly occurrence.Whether their poison is mahjong, cards, or karaoke, wives around China are inevitably woken at two in morning by the return of their baiju-soaked husbands.This probably explains the fact that the gyms around China are filled with young beautiful wives doing yoga at 7:30pm when they should probably be out enjoying married life.

I hope this brief comparison has answered all of your questions.Whatever your taste in men is, just remember to find one that loves you, for in the end it doesnt really matter whether you marry Crocodile Dundee or Jacky Chan just as long as you are happy.